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Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Janna, Feb 28, 2007.

  1. Janna

    Janna New Member

    the IEP meeting for difficult child 2 was, well, not very productive.

    The intervention unit apologized profusely to me for their ignorance in changing the IEP and allowing the changes without my knowledge or consent. The current, legal IEP reads difficult child 2 should be out of the E.S. class 21-60% of the time. Before he was moved to the current foster home, he was out more than 60% of the time. He is now, in the new school, in E.S. 80% of the time, out only for gym/wrestling and art (art in 10th grade??????).

    Anyway, FM was present. Rambled on about how she doesn't believe in medication in children. She is sending him to the YMCA several nights a week, and feels his behaviors in school will greatly improve because of that. She is now (I guess) the "ONE" that will change difficult child 2 for the best.

    She claimed he was previously ABUSED in the last foster care. OMG, these people fed her tons of lies (the caseworkers).

    She rambled, I looked the other way. I didn't speak to her. I didn't look at her. I didn't speak or look at the caseworkers either. I focused on the school team, my son, and them only.

    He is getting no homework. How can he possibly mainstream anyway when he doesn't know anything about homework? They're going to start giving him some and see if he can handle it before thinking mainstream.

    The team wants to take it slowly, it's just too bad nobody wanted to start this about 5 years ago. This is why I push so hard for Dylan. He will NOT be E.S. in high school.

    I was very annoyed FM was there. She kept on and on about how strict she is. She took away all his nice clothing when he was bad at school and made him earn it back. No Nintendo DS for a month when he's bad in school. You tell him. I give him 90 days before he's crying abuse with her, too. But no, stupid FM, doesn't want to hear anything I have to say because I have an attitude. Okay, do it your way, dumbo.

    He lied about work. He's not working. He did get hired at McDonalds, but that was nipped immediately because of behaviors at school. So, no, he's not working, his job that he never started is on hold.

    He lied about the basketball team. He told us this grand story of how he's 5th string (or something like that) on the basketball team at school. Nope, no basketball team, unless you count him playing off and on at the Y, but no team.

    So, little lies going on. It's no wonder he's wanting out of the foster home so bad. Apparantley she's stripped him of everything, which is fine with me, and making him earn it back.

    Court in a week- I don't want to go. Guess I have to. I will still ask for him to come home, but nobody else wants him to. In all honesty, looks like he'll be staying put. That is the recommendation, too, from CPS.

    Janna
     
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janna, do you think FM can harm your difficult child in any way - emotionally or mentally? If not, and it sounds to me like he may giver her a run in no time, then let things be for now. I believe he will show his true self to FM before long. She will eat her words. You may even get an apology from her - weirder things have happened.

    Sit tight and stay strong. I am thinking difficult child coming home is not for the best the more I see what he does to FM.
     
  3. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Janna, doesn't it feel like the plot is thickening? OMG, the things we have to go through for/with our difficult children. I'm sending strength to you.
     
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Janna,

    I don't know if you remember when wm as first placed in his current therapeutic foster home. Foster mum sat there & made comments like, there will not be any of that here, won't work here, etc, etc, etc.

    I stood up & walked out of the meeting. Having said that, Foster mum & I developed a working relationship - coparenting, if you will.

    And, wm does not honeymoon. He showed his true colors very quickly & it wasn't long before I was getting phone calls, reports & questions on wm's antics.

    Take foster mum with a grain of salt. I expect that her plan will fail...if it doesn't more power to her.

    I'm glad that you're working out details with difficult child's IEP & school issues.

    by the way, word of warning - never say never. It will come back & bite you on the :censored2:! :rofl:
     
  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    My gosh the plot does sound thick... but at least you sound realistic. I imagine this must be very difficult inside but it really does seem like you are staying level headed!!! Through it all, which is, from what it sounds like, pretty hard!!! These people are driving me crazy!!!
    You get a big high five from me!!!

    Hang in there... oh boy I can't wait until we start our IEP'S and 504's... you all are scaring me...
     
  6. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Janna, perhaps you should just let FM have him for the next several months. Since she has all the answers, ya know? I'd have your lawyer write up a letter stating basically that this is their last chance. If this foster family doesn't work that you will expect his immediate return to your household.
     
  7. givnmegryhr

    givnmegryhr New Member

    Hi Janna, Good for you keeping your cool. I know how FM got to you before, so that took alot of selfcontrol on your part. I agree, just let her go, she will find out soon enough, especially since she has taken all that away from him. I bet it doesnt take long at all before he starts showing his behaviors. Good luck in court.
     
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janna,
    Sounds frustrating but I agree with the others that he will show his true colors to foster mum soon enough. The IEP process sounds frustrating too-remember that you are a member of the team and they need to listen to what you have to say. Would bringing a parent advocate help next time?
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Good job, Janna!!!! She sounds like a real winner. Those are types in that foster care group I was in that made me sick. I know this is mean, but she'll get no sympathy from me when he cries abuse and, if she keeps cracking down on him, he will. I hate when some fallible person thinks SHE can do what nobody else could. And I'll bet your difficult child told her he was abused in another foster home. And, trust me, in his next foster home he'll likely say SHE abused him. She doesn't believe in medications? She'll be taking them herself pretty soon :smile: Take care.
     
  10. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Janna,

    I agree with the others who said to leave difficult child 2 with FM for now. I also think he will show his true colors soon!!! I had to laugh when Midwest Mom said that even though FM doesn't believe in medications, she'll be taking them soon :rofl:!!! Heck, she'll be swallowing whole bottles of pills at once :rofl:!!!

    Please try to get to court early next week. What day are you going???

    You did a great job today :warrior:!!! I don't know if I could be as strong as you in your situation...

    Please do something nice for yourself this evening - :bath:, :smile:, etc... Thinking of you :flower:, WFEN
     
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