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Substance Abuse
Went and did it to myself this time....
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 32505" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>Mikey,</p><p></p><p>I know I don't have the whole story here but I'm a little confused by some of this. You say he complied with everything he was expected to do and cooperated. So how does getting <em>stoned</em> to the point that he was unable to drive fit into all of this??? I know it's <em>not</em> OK with you, but this <em>sounds</em> like the pot smoking is being overlooked, almost condoned, as long as he gets home on time! And it sounds like it was someone else, not him, who took the responsibility of seeing that he got home at all! He did NOT do good! He got stoned!</p><p></p><p>I also know that I'm very "old school", but you're letting him transfer the blame and guilt from him to you. Kids are very good at doing that. Please don't fall for that one... it's the oldest trick in the book. It is your JOB as a parent to try to keep him safe and to keep him from self-destructive behaviors. If you have reason to question where he is or what he's doing because of him being untrustworthy in the past, it's your JOB to check up on him! Had you been able to trust him, you wouldn't have had to do that. If he chooses to refer to it as "stalking", so be it. Tough nuggies if he doesn't like it! He has no one to blame but himself! I would have done exactly the same thing. In fact, I HAVE done exactly the same thing. I'm the one who would have the police out looking for my daughter when she wasn't home on time! They HATE IT when you do that. I highly recommend it! And if they get caught doing something they're not supposed to be doing, well ... tough nuggies about that one too! Let it be a "learning experience" for him!</p><p></p><p>PLEASE don't apologize to him for YOU not trusting HIM! You have nothing to apologize for and he has given you no reason to trust him. He was out getting STONED, for Pete's sake, and YOU'RE apologizing to HIM for not trusting him???????? You did exactly what any good, responsible parent should have done in the situation!</p><p></p><p>I've got a couple of questions for you ... First, are you absolutely <em>sure</em> that he was home when he was supposed to be? I ask that because I had one who was very adept at removing screens from the outside and crawling through windows at that same age. Then she'd try to convince me that she had been asleep in her bed all that time that I was frantically looking for her. NOT!!!</p><p></p><p>And also, are you sure, are you <em>ABSOLUTELY SURE</em>, that he is not bringing any drugs or drug-related materials into your home? When it hits the fan, and it just might, it would be a very bad thing to have drugs found in your home, even if you were not aware that they were there. It looks very bad to the parents employers if drugs are found in their home!</p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion, you are treating him with kid gloves and tip-toeing around the situation and it won't get any better that way. The pot is like the 1000-pound gorilla in the room! You may find that if the marijuana use stops, a lot of the other problems will go away too. YOU are the parent and HE is the kid, whether he likes it or not. YOU have the right to say what you will or will not allow in your home. You can make the drug-use a "deal-breaker". You can drug-test him at home and set serious consequences for him if he tests dirty. It's not easy but you have to take a stand. Right now, he's holding all the cards and he knows it!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 32505, member: 1883"] Mikey, I know I don't have the whole story here but I'm a little confused by some of this. You say he complied with everything he was expected to do and cooperated. So how does getting [i]stoned[/i] to the point that he was unable to drive fit into all of this??? I know it's [i]not[/i] OK with you, but this [i]sounds[/i] like the pot smoking is being overlooked, almost condoned, as long as he gets home on time! And it sounds like it was someone else, not him, who took the responsibility of seeing that he got home at all! He did NOT do good! He got stoned! I also know that I'm very "old school", but you're letting him transfer the blame and guilt from him to you. Kids are very good at doing that. Please don't fall for that one... it's the oldest trick in the book. It is your JOB as a parent to try to keep him safe and to keep him from self-destructive behaviors. If you have reason to question where he is or what he's doing because of him being untrustworthy in the past, it's your JOB to check up on him! Had you been able to trust him, you wouldn't have had to do that. If he chooses to refer to it as "stalking", so be it. Tough nuggies if he doesn't like it! He has no one to blame but himself! I would have done exactly the same thing. In fact, I HAVE done exactly the same thing. I'm the one who would have the police out looking for my daughter when she wasn't home on time! They HATE IT when you do that. I highly recommend it! And if they get caught doing something they're not supposed to be doing, well ... tough nuggies about that one too! Let it be a "learning experience" for him! PLEASE don't apologize to him for YOU not trusting HIM! You have nothing to apologize for and he has given you no reason to trust him. He was out getting STONED, for Pete's sake, and YOU'RE apologizing to HIM for not trusting him???????? You did exactly what any good, responsible parent should have done in the situation! I've got a couple of questions for you ... First, are you absolutely [i]sure[/i] that he was home when he was supposed to be? I ask that because I had one who was very adept at removing screens from the outside and crawling through windows at that same age. Then she'd try to convince me that she had been asleep in her bed all that time that I was frantically looking for her. NOT!!! And also, are you sure, are you [i]ABSOLUTELY SURE[/i], that he is not bringing any drugs or drug-related materials into your home? When it hits the fan, and it just might, it would be a very bad thing to have drugs found in your home, even if you were not aware that they were there. It looks very bad to the parents employers if drugs are found in their home! in my humble opinion, you are treating him with kid gloves and tip-toeing around the situation and it won't get any better that way. The pot is like the 1000-pound gorilla in the room! You may find that if the marijuana use stops, a lot of the other problems will go away too. YOU are the parent and HE is the kid, whether he likes it or not. YOU have the right to say what you will or will not allow in your home. You can make the drug-use a "deal-breaker". You can drug-test him at home and set serious consequences for him if he tests dirty. It's not easy but you have to take a stand. Right now, he's holding all the cards and he knows it! [/QUOTE]
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