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Substance Abuse
Went and did it to myself this time....
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 32591" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>mom_in_training (how long have you been training?)</p><p></p><p>Thank you so much for your reply. I will give up the self-pity and flagellation, but as an ex-military half-Italian/half-Irish hardhead, it's difficult to walk away. I will try, though. </p><p></p><p>One other note: I did talk to wife, and we seem to be at a stalemate. I believe the current thought between us is that (a) the problem has at least stabilized (if not great), (b) he seems to be responding at some level, and (c) here's the kicker: he's no worse than we were at his age; in some ways, he's better.</p><p></p><p>That's why it's so hard for us to take the hard-nosed tough love approach. Both wife and I fought the same, defiant battles with our parents (she with booze and pot, me just booze), and we both eventually went through teenage menopause and grew out of it.</p><p></p><p>When we look back at our own lives, and see the same things in our difficult child that we see in ourselves at that age, it's hard to consider some of the consequences being suggested. He isn't stealing. He isn't doing anything harder than pot (bad, but not the worst). And his use is going down (we'll know more after another lab screening today). He is staying out later than he should, with people we don't approve of, but is that something we can really control at his age? </p><p></p><p>On the plus side, he is holding down a job, is paying his own bills, is concerned about school and really turned things around, and for the first time this weekend made an effort to act somewhat normal.</p><p></p><p>For the life of both of us, while we don't like what's going on and don't condone it, we can't bring ourselves to push the issue to the brink just yet. And after his asthma attack, he HAS quit smoking (everything), so we're heartened there as well. </p><p></p><p>I guess the only way to sum it up is that as long as things don't get any worse (theft, hard drug/booze use, starting truancy again, failing school, etc), we're willing to give him the remaining year of HS to try and find his own way out of the mess. If he really wants to change, he'll eventually accept our hand and work with us. If not, then we'll tearfully help him pack his bags when he graduates, and wish him well on his chosen path. During that year, we'll do everything we can to help him help himself short of kicking him out (unless it needs to happen - then it will!).</p><p></p><p>Until then, or until something worse happens, I guess we're just stuck. I do hope, though, that his therapist, his (sometime) youth counsellor, and his closest teacher at school are right and that he's really starting to take a hard look at his life and where it's going. Timing would be right, if my teen life and wife's teen life are any indication.</p><p></p><p>It's a gamble. I know. But right now, everything is a roll of the dice for us, so I'm simply hoping the occasional successes aren't just random chance - and looking for that lucky seven.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 32591, member: 3579"] mom_in_training (how long have you been training?) Thank you so much for your reply. I will give up the self-pity and flagellation, but as an ex-military half-Italian/half-Irish hardhead, it's difficult to walk away. I will try, though. One other note: I did talk to wife, and we seem to be at a stalemate. I believe the current thought between us is that (a) the problem has at least stabilized (if not great), (b) he seems to be responding at some level, and (c) here's the kicker: he's no worse than we were at his age; in some ways, he's better. That's why it's so hard for us to take the hard-nosed tough love approach. Both wife and I fought the same, defiant battles with our parents (she with booze and pot, me just booze), and we both eventually went through teenage menopause and grew out of it. When we look back at our own lives, and see the same things in our difficult child that we see in ourselves at that age, it's hard to consider some of the consequences being suggested. He isn't stealing. He isn't doing anything harder than pot (bad, but not the worst). And his use is going down (we'll know more after another lab screening today). He is staying out later than he should, with people we don't approve of, but is that something we can really control at his age? On the plus side, he is holding down a job, is paying his own bills, is concerned about school and really turned things around, and for the first time this weekend made an effort to act somewhat normal. For the life of both of us, while we don't like what's going on and don't condone it, we can't bring ourselves to push the issue to the brink just yet. And after his asthma attack, he HAS quit smoking (everything), so we're heartened there as well. I guess the only way to sum it up is that as long as things don't get any worse (theft, hard drug/booze use, starting truancy again, failing school, etc), we're willing to give him the remaining year of HS to try and find his own way out of the mess. If he really wants to change, he'll eventually accept our hand and work with us. If not, then we'll tearfully help him pack his bags when he graduates, and wish him well on his chosen path. During that year, we'll do everything we can to help him help himself short of kicking him out (unless it needs to happen - then it will!). Until then, or until something worse happens, I guess we're just stuck. I do hope, though, that his therapist, his (sometime) youth counsellor, and his closest teacher at school are right and that he's really starting to take a hard look at his life and where it's going. Timing would be right, if my teen life and wife's teen life are any indication. It's a gamble. I know. But right now, everything is a roll of the dice for us, so I'm simply hoping the occasional successes aren't just random chance - and looking for that lucky seven. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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Went and did it to myself this time....
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