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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 652031" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You'd probably do best privately and with a cognitive behavioral therapist. This is logic based. I utilized this resource as well as Al-Anon. My Al-Anon group did talk about a Higher Power or God, but no specific one and we were also told that if we were atheists, we could use ANYTHING that soothes us as our higher power, such as the ocean or nature or music. I'm not an atheist by any means, but I'm not a Christian either. We were a large group with quite a mix of people. Maybe a larger group would be better for you or, as I stated earlier, private therapy. There is no reason to be angry at your sister. It won't change anything for her or for your mother. And your mother is the only person who can set boundaries and not allow your sister to treat her that way. And any therapist, religious or atheist, is going to tell you to let go of your sister and mom's problems because you can not do anything to change them. Your mom has a role is letting your sister treat her badly. She is allowing that. And until she puts her foot down and creates boundaries, it will continue. We can not change or fix anybody except ourselves. Getting upset and angry over what other people do to each other, even if we love them, is not helpful to them or to ourselves.</p><p></p><p>This advice, which you can take or leave, came from thirty years of Al-Anon and private psychologists and therapists of all stripes, religions, lack of religions, and ethnicities. I have never had one therapist tell me being angry, resentful or trying to fix other people works and I've talk to quite a wide variety of different professionals and self-help groups. </p><p></p><p>I have also learned I can find wisdom in beliefs I don't share. I never rule out that somebody could help me. </p><p></p><p>Hugs!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 652031, member: 1550"] You'd probably do best privately and with a cognitive behavioral therapist. This is logic based. I utilized this resource as well as Al-Anon. My Al-Anon group did talk about a Higher Power or God, but no specific one and we were also told that if we were atheists, we could use ANYTHING that soothes us as our higher power, such as the ocean or nature or music. I'm not an atheist by any means, but I'm not a Christian either. We were a large group with quite a mix of people. Maybe a larger group would be better for you or, as I stated earlier, private therapy. There is no reason to be angry at your sister. It won't change anything for her or for your mother. And your mother is the only person who can set boundaries and not allow your sister to treat her that way. And any therapist, religious or atheist, is going to tell you to let go of your sister and mom's problems because you can not do anything to change them. Your mom has a role is letting your sister treat her badly. She is allowing that. And until she puts her foot down and creates boundaries, it will continue. We can not change or fix anybody except ourselves. Getting upset and angry over what other people do to each other, even if we love them, is not helpful to them or to ourselves. This advice, which you can take or leave, came from thirty years of Al-Anon and private psychologists and therapists of all stripes, religions, lack of religions, and ethnicities. I have never had one therapist tell me being angry, resentful or trying to fix other people works and I've talk to quite a wide variety of different professionals and self-help groups. I have also learned I can find wisdom in beliefs I don't share. I never rule out that somebody could help me. Hugs!!!! [/QUOTE]
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