went to court to put difficult child in foster care.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jody, Jul 27, 2010.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    The caseworker was super nice and so was the judge. Caseworker told me that everything would be okay and it seems to be okay. difficult child has emailed me and called me and is getting along okay. I got real excited yesterday at about this time because I get to go home and there isn't going to be any drama. None. I have to think about that and let it really sink in. It's nice to want to go home. I got up and noticed that I was humming. medications are working and difficult child being out of the house have a great affect on my mood. They said she will get lot's of counseling and that we will get visitation. They said she is very scared that I will not let her come home.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm so glad that the caseworker and judge are being supportive. Maybe this will be the shock she needs to change. Enjoy the peace!
  3. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    It was nice that they were very supportive and kind to me. The few cases before me certainly weren't. The investigator said when they told difficult child she would have to go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in Chicago area, she said she had uncontrollable shaking, she was scared. We'll see, I have gotten my hopes up so many times, to have them dashed.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How has she been in foster care? Is her mood better? She is probably honeymooning and scared still. How long with this be for?
  5. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Her mood has been pretty good, she is definately honeymooning and very scared. I haven't heard from her since early yesterday. I don't know if they are allowing her to call me anymore or not. i haven't heard from the caseworker yet about what's going on or when I get to see her or anything. They said I would hear by the end of the week.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This sounds like exactly what you need. You have to take care of you for now. She will stop honeymooning at some point and will show the behaviors to everyone. Then she will get the help she needs so that at some point you can be reunified successfully. I am SO HAPPY that the case worker and judge are so nice. They probably see that you have exhausted all of your resources in every area and still could not help her or keep her safe.

    It is a shame she is scared but it is not a bad thing. It just might be the shock she needs to see that having her own way and acting the way she was simply cannot happen, that she MUST change or she will forever have problems with relationships.

    From what I know, the courts and SW's would rather you relinquish custody than to have you hurt your child in any way. difficult child was pushing you to a potentially dangerous point where you were in danger of snapping. You have done exactly the right thing, even though it was scary and hard.
  7. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    She just called me, she is out walking with the foster mom, who is a stay at home mom.She says she made a new friend in the neighborhood, and that it's okay with the foster mom because it's her good friends daughter. She was walking the dogs with her. They have a pool and she has enjoyed that. She did say she loved me though. I am thankful for the rest and the peace and will continue to get better. I hope to find a new place soon that will allow me to have my golden retirever. I am not going anywhere without him.
  8. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member


    You're doing good. Making hard choices -- brave choices on behalf of your daughter.

    Enjoy your time to take care of yourself. I just want you to know that when my son left for juvie/Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I had a honeymoon period too, where I felt great that he was gone for a time, and I could relax. That honeymoon did wear off for me, and I got depressed and anxious for awhile. So if it happens to you -- and maybe it won't -- I think it's normal, and I want you to know it will balance out again and you will be OK.

    I think the lack of drama was a shock to my system for awhile and I felt like I was in a void with no focus :~)
    I had to teach myself how to be at peace (GFG13 needed help with this too) and enjoy life without dramas and crises to react to all the time. Hopefully this won't happen to you, but I wish I had known about it ahead of time -- I would have gone with the flow a little easier instead of fussing about it in my head.

    Don't worry too much about what daughter says, whether she misses you or not -- she's going through her process and probably will say the first thing that comes to her head. Our DS has loved and hated and been indifferent over the phone.

    All my best going out to you.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So far, so good!
    I agree with-the others, maybe this shock will help her change.
    If not, at least you get a break.
    I'm glad the judge and caseworker were good. I'm sure you had all the paperwork straight and they could see how hard you've tried, and how many walls you've run into.
    Fingers crossed.
    Get some sleep!
  10. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    sending hugs. this cannot be easy, but you are doing the right thing.
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    My son wm has been in a therapeutic foster home for going on 5 years now. It's been a blessing knowing that kt will be safe.

    Saying the above, I would offer a few words of advice. Co-parent with foster mum & dad. It's important that you work together as a team. difficult child has to see foster mum & you sit down & enjoy a cuppa coffee & discuss things before you take her out for a home visit (or what have you).

    In all this time with wm in the same home, foster mum, dad, & various other members of that family have become my extended family. We're all "parenting" wm as he needs so much more than I can offer him.

    Enjoy the peace - the feeling that your home is once again your sanctuary. Reconnect with friends & family, your other daughter.
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    How are things going?
  13. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    They are going pretty good. I haven't heard from the caseworker or anything about visitation of any kind. I was told I would hear something this week. Weeks not over I guess so I am still waiting. Seroquel has me a little spaced out. Good spaced out I guess. Getting plenty of rest but not much else done. I went to dinner with a friend from a long time ago last night. It was nice to be out in the world again. She is someone that I used to be really close with but when I retreated to my home I just didn't keep in contact. Depression is lifting a little and I was able to get a little more work done yesterday at work. I felt really good about that. I do miss her a little, very little, but am glad when I get to talk to her. I am finding that life can be okay or even better than okay sometimes, and I am scared that I am not going to want her to come home and mess it all up again. I guess I will worry about that when the times comes and if she acts violent and abusive then we just go thru the whole thing again. Thank you all for checking on me.
  14. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Well they put difficult child in a camp here in our city. It's a fun day camp for kids her age. I couldn't afford it, but DCFS got her in. I am happy for her it is a good thing and it will push her to be more active and try to interact with other kids. I used to take her to this camp and am a little embarrassed that everyone will now know that she is in foster care. Ugh. I guess I am going to have to deal with that. I noticed yesterday that the honeymoon seems to be over, she is begging to come home, and crying and giving me the false promises. I think it's setting in that she can't come home thru pleading and that it's no longer up to me, but up to the judge. I noticed yesterday that she started to tell the foster lady that she didn't do something and the foster mom said you do it here, and I'll show you how. She did okay, but when she got on the phone she kept saying how much she wanted to come home. I do see where her calling me neames and cursing at me got her her way. When she would be abuse to me, I would retreat to my bedroom to get away from it, sometimes. I just got too depressed to even care about it all.