Went to Far Update 3...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Skool Teacher, Feb 23, 2016.

  1. Skool Teacher

    Skool Teacher Member

    Well Readers,

    She has gone to the extreme... She CLAIMS she's had 2 seizures. She is in the hospital now and was in the hospital on Sunday too. We argued Sunday and went back and forth and the same happened again this evening.

    The friend she is currently staying with had her mom call me to let me know my daughter was on the way to the hospital and so called had another seizure. Forgive me if I'm wrong but I truly deep down in my soul do NOT believe she has had 2 seizures. I believe she tried to suck me in on Sunday and it didn't work and she's ramped it up to try to get me to feel sorry and bad to get me to her to see her in person and to get back into my house! I believe she is FAKING and if she has had seizures she is doing something to cause them. She was giving pain killers on Sunday--20 pills and they are all gone according to the friend that she is staying with.

    She called me today telling me she had a seizure and she is my only child and said I was acting like I didn't care. Then she told me she was f'ing scared and she could have died. I asked her who she was talking to and cursing at and she started yelling and then hung up. She called back and I told her that she continues to make bad decisions, cursing and disrespecting me, she's calling because she needs me AGAIN and is NOT humble at all!!! Oh she went on and on about how I didn't care and I told her I didn't care and for her not to call me again if she was going to keep hanging up. I asked her why was she calling me and what exactly did she want me to do. I said you're at the hospital and I'm not coming. She hung up in my face again.

    I text her and told her to have the attending doctor to call me once they figure out what is wrong with her. She told me that I don't get to do that anymore... I text her back and said "Do what exactly?" I told her I want to know what's wrong with her from a professional. She text me back and said stop texting her. I told her God bless her and good luck. She sent a series of texts telling me about myself what I've done wrong. I didn't respond.

    She called again and against my better judgment I answered. She said she called to talk to me and wanted to let me know that she was getting a CAT scan. I again said what do you want me to do and she accused me of yelling at her. Then she wanted to rehash the text messages and I told her I was not doing that and she needed to have the doctor to call me when all was said and done. I hung up on her. I only want to speak to the doctor because I want to know if something is really wrong with her.

    I spoke with her friend at length about her job situation and my daughter's behavior since she's been staying with her. My daughter is working but not at the place she's claiming. She is not stripping thank God. The friend is very concerned and is going to allow her to stay with her and her roommate for a while. I offered to give her a third of rent money for a couple of months for helping my child out and so she can at least keep this job and because she can't come back come back here. I also told her that she needed to give my child a definite deadline to move out in order to make sure my daughter doesn't take advantage of her kindness.

    She has somewhere to stay until...and hopefully she'll keep this job and get her living situation together before this resting place is no more. The friend has agreed to pick her up once she is released. Still waiting to see if the doctor is going to confirm my suspicions. I still believe that this is a ploy to suck me in. Not buying it! She is also on Twitter ranting about not wanting to live and wanting her mom like a little child.

    Another evening ruined and I'm so very tired. Just got off the phone with doctor... CAT scan normal, nothing wrong, just an Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and marijuana use. She had a seizure "in her sleep" according to her! She's wasting my money and other peoples time. She got on the phone and said she wanted to know if I would sit and talk with her. I told her no. I told her to stop playing games, work save her money and get her life together. I told her that I didn't want to hear anymore of her lies. I told her I love her and didn't hate her but I'm tired and just can't hear any more lies from her!

    I'm so pissed right now.
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  2. Teacher, I've been reading posts, but don't comment often. Since no one else has seen your post yet, I wanted to tell you that we support you. If you read others' posts, you will see the same pattern of ramping up when parents set a firm boundary.

    I know it's hard, but I think you'll feel better if you don't take calls or texts from your daughter for a few days. It will give you time to refocus on yourself. If something serious does happen, your daughter knows enough to have a doctor call you. I'm sorry she's trying to manipulate you and draw you back in. It's so stressful. Do something nice for yourself and try to let go of her drama.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Has she ever been diagnosed? She sounds like she is looking for attention and full of drama. This can be histronic or borderline personality disorder, although obviously there is no way for me to diagnose.
    If this were me, I wouldnt listen to the abuse or engage her so much. "Im glad youre in a safe place, a hospital. I love you and ill talk to you tomorrow," (get off phone and put it away).
    Lets face it, if she took a bottle of pain pills, that would make her sick.
    I am puzzled that she would tell you she is stripping when she isnt. Sounds like she just said it to upset you.
    Im sorry she is being so difficult. in my opinion its time to start taking care of yourself and protecting your feelings. You matter as much as she does.
  4. Skool Teacher

    Skool Teacher Member

    Thanks Second Time Around. I usually don't talk to her or respond but I lapse last week and she has been using that to keep trying to get attention and as a way to communicate with me even if it's negative. I'm not responding for a while no matter what. Thanks for your encouragement.
  5. Skool Teacher

    Skool Teacher Member

    Never been diagnosed. I believe she might have ODD. She fits in several of the categories. She is looking for attention and seems to really be trying to see me in person with this hospital stunt. She seems really desperate. I refused to go to the hospital because I knew she was pulling another fake illness stunt. Oh, she's done this before! I will not be sucked into anymore back and forth with her. The stripping story was something she posted on Twitter which is nothing but the world of lies and make believe for her. I thought this might be true because of the lingerie she ordered with the credit card. And let's not forget she is a pathological liar. Told her tonight I love her and hope she gets her life together and there was nothing we needed to talk about any time soon. Will NOT initiate communication with her. Will respond with only limited responses or no response at all. I have to do this to keep my sanity. Thanks Somewhereoutthere. Have a good night.
  6. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Good morning Skool Teacher...I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that. You sound like a very seasoned Warrior Mom.

    My Difficult Child did much of the same for a long time. I have been told that he wants any kind of attention, even negative attention. He would ramp up the drama until he got a reaction from me. I taught him very early on that I would react to whatever he said, and he pushed that button again and again.

    Finally...I started learning not to react and it took him a long, long, long time to stop that behavior. Even today, as he continues to progress, he will sometimes tell me how VERY tired he is blah blah blah.

    Personally I don't want to hear all of that. I work extremely hard to have absolutely no reaction to any of that type of talk. Now, like you said, it just makes me mad, and I work hard not to show that either.

    Is your daughter a drug addict? You said she took all of the pills very quickly. The drama and histrionics were part of my son's drug addict behavior.

    Now that he's not using, he is calm and kind and days go by where I don't talk with him. This is very very good progress for us.

    I enjoy talking with him once a week or so...even longer...and today he'll say, How are you Mom? Light years from the way it used to be.

    I completely agree with you about hearing it straight from the doctors. If our DCs won't give us permission to talk with their doctors, all deals are off. I finally insisted on that boundary toward the end, and without it I would walk out. I didn't believe a word he said for years and years of very good reasons.

    When we don't react (like we usually do), they ramp up and up and up and the stories get bigger and bolder and more dramatic. Pretty soon they're contradicting themselves in the same conversation. It's insanity.

    I finally got to the point of believing and responding this way: If you have an emergency call 911 don't call me. I know that sounds cold, but you have to go to the complete other extreme----and stay in that mode---for a long long time in order to change the unhealthy patterns of interaction. I guess I just went numb and I was done. He had worn me completely out.

    So...now you've talked with the doctor and have gotten the true scoop. Take a break. Take care of YOU. Let some time go by and don't respond to her calls, texts, FB messages, whatever. Set a goal of 24, 48, 72 hours...whatever gives you peace for a while.

    We must carve out some spaces for peace during this long awful journey. Decide and stick to it, and spend those hours doing kind things for yourself. The world will keep on turning, and she can call 911 again if she needs something.

    Hang in there. We understand and we care. Warm hugs this morning.
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  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    There is a disorder I learned about years ago when I worked in a hospital called Manchusen's Syndrome. I am not at all suggesting your daughter has it, but it does exist. These people LIKE the attention they get when they are sick so they fake getting sick, including sometimes doing harmful things to themselves so that they will baffle the doctors and deal with the attention of getting tests...some even have exploratory surgery. I worked in Admitting and we had a list with pictures of people who were flagged as having Manchusens and we were to contact a superior if one came in.

    These are just my thoughts and for your awareness, although she probably is not this bad off. Hugs and try to have a peaceful day and stay away from her calls and texts if you don't feel like communicating right now. It's your life too...you have a right to feel peaceful.
  8. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    Just chiming in on quick thoughts I had when I read this...

    First, I never heard of a doctor giving pain medications for a seizure.

    Second, just because the pills are gone, doesn't mean she took them, as it's easy to sell those.

    Just two things to think about...

    My daughter who has schizencephaly, which is NOT anything to mental illness....it translates to split brain. She has a split in her right hemisphere, parietal temporal lobes. One of the symptoms is seizures.

    Docs have never given her pain pills for that...

    Just the thoughts I had...something is, at the very least, "fishy" with daughter's story.

    I didn't catch what kind of pain pills the doctor gave...I could be way off. UTIs are common with young women, especially sexual active youngens, and daughter's had a few of those too, and again, doctor never gave anything more than ibuprofen 800. Just some thoughts....

    Stay strong!!!!
  9. detachingmother

    detachingmother serenity

    Also, brace yourself. Some of these Difficult Child will dig in beyond belief, when they know you are pulling away and catching on to their shenanigans.

    They will do just about anything to get your attention.

    Son did, and took forever for him to get it...I had some culpability in that simply because I did give give give...but around your daughters age, when I started the pull away...boy did he fight it tooth and nail.

    Good luck, stay strong. Now is when you need to stick with your guns...
  10. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    so sorry for what you're going through. I find it essential to breathe-slowly and act/speak even more slowly. They know their power is "in the emergency", doesn't everyone respond to that, especially loving parents? My heart goes out to you, it can be so paralyzing when you can't ever count on anything being the truth. It took us way too long to figure out we were being played because of our love. Stay strong today.
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  11. Skool Teacher

    Skool Teacher Member

    Thanks Childofmine. I'm shooting for 72+ hours or longer for peace! Really taking in what you said because I'm officially jumping off the rollercoaster ride that has been my relationship with my daughter for the last 6-7 years and learning not to react to much of anything she comes up with now. It's struggle but each day I'm getting stronger and stronger. Have a good evening.
  12. Skool Teacher

    Skool Teacher Member

    Hey Somewhereoutthere. I know about Munchausen's. She may have a touch of that because this is not the first time she's done something like this for attention. She wants the concern and loving attention she gets from me and others when she does this. This is the first time I didn't jump because I knew in my soul that she was faking! She also posts on Twitter about her ailments so her friends will call her and show concern. I think there is ODD and depression going on and low self esteem and just plain disregard for authority especially anything from me. Planning on enjoying the rest of my week with NO contact with her. Have a good evening.
  13. Skool Teacher

    Skool Teacher Member

    Hi Detaching. I'm way ahead of you on the pain pills for seizures. I pretty much believe that the first fake seizure was to get pain pills to get high. I believe she faked having a seizure with her friend and when she got to the hospital she told the doctor something else to get pain medications. Don't know why she lied about throwing them away or flushing them but as always God will reveal all, he always does. I will get an itemized statement from the hospital soon and the truth will be on paper. Thanks for your thoughts on this. We were on the same page! Have a good evening.
  14. Skool Teacher

    Skool Teacher Member

    Will do So ready to live, will do! Thank you.
  15. DoneDad

    DoneDad Active Member

    Hi, sorry you're dealing with so much? Are they billing you for her hospital visits? I recently took mine off my insurance (it was costing us a lot because I'm retired). They signed up for Obamacare and it's about $70 per month. I don't want to be responsible financially for any more of their foolishness.
  16. Skool Teacher

    Skool Teacher Member

    Hi DoneDad,
    Haven't received any bills yet. I know that the ambulance rides will cost and have to come out of pocket. I was going take her off my insurance at the end of the year when open enrollment comes around but now I'm going to check and see if she can be removed sooner. With her fake illness stunts she's going to mess things up for me if I have to go to the doctor this year. My coverage is OK but not for constant and unnecessary ambulance rides and unneeded CAT scans. I had told her for months that she needed to get a job with benefits because this was her last year on my insurance. She won't make the year if I can have her removed before open enrollment in November! Thanks for your insight. Have a good evening.
  17. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I just got a bill for my son from the ER and the total was $12, 639 and that did not include an ambulance because he walked in himself. He told them he had kidney pain when he was high.

    He did have kidney surgery some time ago due to a blockage he was born with but it does not act up at all unless he drinks a LOT of alcohol etc. so IF in fact he did have pain, it was his own doing. Luckily insurance covers most of it. It's very upsetting when they come at our finances in all these ways so I feel your pain.
  18. DoneDad

    DoneDad Active Member

    Wow. Is your son a minor? If not, why are they billing you?
  19. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Check your insurance about that ER bill...Miss KT is still on our insurance, even though she's married, until she's 26, but we are not responsible for any of her co-pays or deductibles. She is responsible for that. That isn't something you should have to pay for since he's over 18.
  20. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    You should not have to be legally responsible for his bills, even if you have paid for them in the past. I would call all the offices that he goes to, and the hospital and inform them that he is responsible for any thing not covered by insurance. And tell him, too. Maybe it will stop him going to the ER.

    I have told my Difficult Child, who will be 18 next month, that she will be responsible for copays. I might decide to help her, but only if she is really trying to work, get an education, or be productive in some manner. If she moves out right after her birthday, she can be an adult in every sense of the word... KSM