Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Went to see counselor last night...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 275819" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi Jo, </p><p> </p><p>I think back to when I was trying to get help for my marriage. I secretly found a counselor for myself and told my x, then h - I was going to the bars. He was okay with me going to bars but NOT okay with me going to therapy. Someone may outsmart him and we couldn't have that. </p><p> </p><p>So I made the appts and snuck around to therapy. I had some awful therapists, and went through them until I found one that I felt related to MY problems. YES I was going to try to work on myself which in turn I felt would improve my marriage, but there was no way in hades he was going to come. Begging, pleading, crying, - nothing - he wasn't coming and didn't belive in it at all. END of conversation - except to say - And you aren't going either. </p><p> </p><p>So I went. Like I said - I had to go through a lot of quacks to find a good duck er.....doctor. When I found one? I couldn't afford him so I came and cleaned the offices before my appointment. It put me on the right path and he was the first one that said "Well you know what - if your husband cared about this relationship he would be here, doing whatever it took, not matter what the sacrafice to work on your marriage. Since he's NOT here - we'll concentrate on you." BECAUASE I DID ASK for my then h to come and he refused over and over. </p><p> </p><p>So what I found out - is that I did the work in our relationship. My x was abusive, alcoholic, drug addicted, sex addicted, mean, hateful, liar - and bi-polar who self medicated, a psychopath, a natural born killer with sociopathic, anti social traits. I stayed for 13 years before I finally said "I can't and won't take any more." I left with what I had on my back. </p><p> </p><p>I continued in individual therapy until I took my son from him and the clan - and never looked back. Then I got him into therapy and we went to family therapy. Eventually as df became part of our lives he went with us to family therapy. HE actually WANTED to go - and there was the answer that I had been looking for years ago - wanting a man to care enough about me and my son to work on getting things better. I have no regrets about leaving him. I'm mentally in a lot better place for all the therapy - so that didn't seem like a waste of time to me. I worked through a LOT of very very painful and traumatic things in my life and relationship. I still have bad memories, but they don't consume my day anymore. AND I also feel I"m in a place where I can help someone else. </p><p> </p><p>I'm not pro divorce, but I am pro-enjoyment of life. I don't know what the answer is but I would explain to your counselor that right now? You just want to work on JO issues, that you HAVE offered for husband to come and he refuses time and again. Maybe talk to her about that NOW is not the TIME for him and Jo - but NOW is the time for the doctor and Jo to work on Jo. Once you are in a better place - maybe you'll be able to see things a little more clear and make informed decisions about where you want to go with your life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 275819, member: 4964"] Hi Jo, I think back to when I was trying to get help for my marriage. I secretly found a counselor for myself and told my x, then h - I was going to the bars. He was okay with me going to bars but NOT okay with me going to therapy. Someone may outsmart him and we couldn't have that. So I made the appts and snuck around to therapy. I had some awful therapists, and went through them until I found one that I felt related to MY problems. YES I was going to try to work on myself which in turn I felt would improve my marriage, but there was no way in hades he was going to come. Begging, pleading, crying, - nothing - he wasn't coming and didn't belive in it at all. END of conversation - except to say - And you aren't going either. So I went. Like I said - I had to go through a lot of quacks to find a good duck er.....doctor. When I found one? I couldn't afford him so I came and cleaned the offices before my appointment. It put me on the right path and he was the first one that said "Well you know what - if your husband cared about this relationship he would be here, doing whatever it took, not matter what the sacrafice to work on your marriage. Since he's NOT here - we'll concentrate on you." BECAUASE I DID ASK for my then h to come and he refused over and over. So what I found out - is that I did the work in our relationship. My x was abusive, alcoholic, drug addicted, sex addicted, mean, hateful, liar - and bi-polar who self medicated, a psychopath, a natural born killer with sociopathic, anti social traits. I stayed for 13 years before I finally said "I can't and won't take any more." I left with what I had on my back. I continued in individual therapy until I took my son from him and the clan - and never looked back. Then I got him into therapy and we went to family therapy. Eventually as df became part of our lives he went with us to family therapy. HE actually WANTED to go - and there was the answer that I had been looking for years ago - wanting a man to care enough about me and my son to work on getting things better. I have no regrets about leaving him. I'm mentally in a lot better place for all the therapy - so that didn't seem like a waste of time to me. I worked through a LOT of very very painful and traumatic things in my life and relationship. I still have bad memories, but they don't consume my day anymore. AND I also feel I"m in a place where I can help someone else. I'm not pro divorce, but I am pro-enjoyment of life. I don't know what the answer is but I would explain to your counselor that right now? You just want to work on JO issues, that you HAVE offered for husband to come and he refuses time and again. Maybe talk to her about that NOW is not the TIME for him and Jo - but NOW is the time for the doctor and Jo to work on Jo. Once you are in a better place - maybe you'll be able to see things a little more clear and make informed decisions about where you want to go with your life. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Went to see counselor last night...
Top