Went to therapist appointment

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by WSM, Jun 22, 2009.

  1. WSM

    WSM New Member

    God, they are so stressful.

    All he wants is to make difficult child talk about his feelings. He's going to start talking to difficult child alone now. He doesn't want to hear the laundry list of complaints about difficult child. He said difficult child is very very disturbed and since we weren't doing anything to get him placement, we were going to have to put safety first and do what we had to to keep ourselves safe. He wasn't opposed apparently to window locks and cameras and basically keeping difficult child in his room when no one was watching him.

    He thought difficult child was very very disturbed, not normal. And speaks of it matter of factly. I said, last time you saw difficult child, it was after the three knives were found in his room; husband came home and said that you'd said you didn't think difficult child did it all. The therapist looked surprised, but I went on (I'd already gotten the information I needed), and said that actually, that morning the camera caught him racing to get the stool and scramble up to the top of the refrigerator to get the when husband went out the front door for a couple minutes. There was no doubt that difficult child did that. And if it wasn't him, then who was it, and I named the other kids and how could it be them.

    He said we had to put safety first, lock up everything, (which I wanted, but husband admitted he was lukewarm about). therapist said when you had toddler's you childproofed the house, well you have a very very disturbed child and you are going to have to put safety first.

    I asked what to do about the knives and the stealing and all he could say was to be safe. I asked about consequences. He said punishments don't work. I pointed out ignoring it doesn't work either. He seemed to agree, but said punishments don't work. Which was weird because earlier he chided difficult child for pouting at the dinner table and being sent away, and thus getting what he wanted by pouting. How was this different? difficult child steals or vandalizes, lies about it and gets away with it. No consequence. Lying works, just like pouting works.

    He asked difficult child about the problems on the cruise and difficult child described it all in third person: the shoe was missing, the bathing suit was gone, money disappeared. He called difficult child on it, and asked straight out, "What did you do with your shoes." difficult child kept insisting he didn't do anything with them, someone else did, or they just disappeared. therapist said, "Why are you lying, what will you gain by lying, why are you lying when you know you are lying and I know you are lying and they (us) know you are lying, what's the point of lying." difficult child just insisted he was telling the truth.

    therapist told us that there was no point in investigating these incidents unless we wanted to spend our lives playing spy. I wish I'd reminded him that even if it didn't benefit difficult child, it did benefit the others. After all it's not only difficult child's feelings and well being that matter. It matters to the other kids that they aren't being blamed for what difficult child does. husband thinks that if he says he doesn't think difficult child is doing it, it doesn't necessarily follow that someone else is doing it. Well, the knives didn't walk themselves into difficult child's room, the DS didn't smash itself, the money didn't just apparate into difficult child's possession (altho this is difficult child's theory). Everyone in the world knows that if difficult child isn't responsible, it's probably not daughter age 9, it's probably not husband...everyone knows it's probably one of them or me who's under suspicion. And that's not nice, not fair, and not going to improve family harmony.

    therapist says he and difficult child are going to work on difficult child's feelings about his mother. There's a lot of hurt and damage there.

    husband and difficult child also had a psychiatrist appointment today. psychiatrist kept on and on about getting difficult child out of the house. husband hasn't done anything about sending difficult child to his piece-of-work mother, but seems to think he should psychiatrist is so adamant. difficult child is going to camp for three weeks, but not until July 19. That appointment only lasted about 20 minutes.

    After dinner husband and I were on the patio and husband mentioned that he didn't appreciate how the therapist looked confused when I mentioned that husband reported therapist didn't think difficult child was doing all the stuff. He affirmed that the therapist did indeed say that, maybe because when he goes he, husband, does tell all about all the things difficult child does and there's so much the therapist can't believe it. Then husband said, well, it was two or three sessions ago, information has changed since. Ummm....no way, it was the last session, the day before our anniversary, the day that caused the big fight that made husband act out hostilely and passive aggressively (did I mention before, husband didn't come home for our anniversary, didn't call, but picked up difficult child from day care and took him to play pool at a bar and was annoyed when I showed up and tried to play the, 'How can you be mad when I was just teaching my son how to play pool?' game. Nor did he get me a gift, and his card was of the sorry I made mistakes, if I could do it over I would genre). Oh yes, I remember the last session very well.

    The best interpretation is that therapist said something similar and husband seized on it to his advantage particulary since the psychiatrist and police had said something similar. The worst interpretation is husband just out and out lied.

    husband said the therapist was playing games, but probably not. Altho I did catch him trying to finesse me, throw me a bone to sooth my ego. At one point therapist said I raised exceptionally fine young men. He said it almost facetiously, or maybe I'm just sensitive raw. But the fact remains, we'd never discussed my kids and he'd have no way of knowing if they were good kids or pains in the butts. If he thought he was going to mollify me, I don't appreciate that. Therapy only works with strict honesty, and I felt like he was trying to manipulate me. Didn't work, I'm not a fool. I might be wrong, but I think he was trying to play me.

    One more note. As I'm writing this husband said, "What'cha doing."

    "Writing." (our marital therapist has urged me to have a private outlet for my feelings and sorry guys but you might be it).

    He went away and came back a bit later. "I hope you are writing good things."

    I stopped writing and asked him what he wanted. He muttered nothing and is now sulking.

    It's my son's birthday and he has two friends over right now; I don't want a fight, and I don't feel I have to share my feelings with him when 1) he already knows them, and 2) it will just make everything more unpleasant than it is.
     
  2. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    I have been following your story and honestly can't wrap my head around your husband and his head in the sand stance. This boy is obviously very mentally ill and I just don't get it. He really needs immediate intervention to keep the family safe and get this boy some help. Your husband is not being fair to his family, and certainly not being fair to his son - being kept in your room if no one is around to watch him is no way for a 12 year old boy to live.

    Honestly, I would ditch the therapist who tells you he is extremely disturbed but has no suggestions other than to lock everything up. He needs to be in a hospital and not sent to his mothers house. And really, time is running out, the older he gets the harder it will get to get him any services.

    I can't forsee you helping this kid at all without husband being on the same page - he has first got to come to the conclusion there is a "page" to be on - he is too busy spliting hairs and quibbling about did he do it or did someone else do it.

    Marcie
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think husband is lying to you, or, rather, misinterpreting what todoc said. I don't believe todoc ever said, "I don't think difficult child is doing all that stuff." But I think husband thinks he did say it.

    I also think therapist has helped you as much as he can. He has told you to stay safe. That has to be #1. It's true that punishing difficult child won't change his behavior. He's not going to care nor is he able or interested in changing in my opinion. He doesn't have a conscience and is wily and manipulative and a great liar (all classic signs of a budding psychopath--never trust him). In fact, I think that if you punish him he will retaliate in dangerous ways. I'm surprised therapist didn't tell you to get the boy into outside placement, but maybe he did at another time and knows that husband is too much in denial to do it. Now I have another concern.

    This boy acted out sexually. Please don't send him to overnight camp FOR THREE WEEKS. Good heavens, the best that could come of that is that screws up the first day and is sent home early. Think about it. So many kids are molested at camp--it isn't as well supervised as you think. My daughter went to YMCA overnight camp and their counselors are teenagers. I would never let this boy in that kind of proximity to other kids, and certianly he has access to younger kids...it just wouldn't happen if it were me.

    I don't believe there is much you can do for this boy in your home. Perhaps he can be helped in a tightly supervised, highly therapeutic setting. I DOUBT IT, but it's his only chance. Having lived myself with a psychopathic kid, you really can not do anything with a child who only pretends to have a conscience and your difficult child doesn't even try to hide the fact that he doesn't have one. Instead, he lies and places it on your other kids.

    I wish you good luck. Trust me...all of you will need it with this chld in the house and your hub in some sort of fairly land. He is as sick as his son. (((Hugs))) I feel for you.
     
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I am just so sorry. I will be lifting your entire family up in good thoughts this week. You need husband to have a break through before something happens that puts it out of your hands.
     
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. I had hoped that things were going somewhat better - that maybe husband was finally getting a clue about this.

    Very often mental illness runs in families. I don't think mom was the only source of difficult child's problems. Your husband seems almost delusional about this. The discussion about the therapist playing games is almost EXACTLY what difficult child is trying to convince husband about the other kids.

    That is TERRIFYING.

    You cannot help this man or his children. ALL you can do is save yourself and your children. Sadly, the young girl will have to rely on her father for protection.

    It is time to SERIOUSLY make plans and GET. OUT. NOW!!

    If you anger this child he may or may not hurt you directly. He may very well abuse the 9yo and force her to say that you or one of your sons did it. It could DESTROY your son's future, maybe even more than 1 of your sons' futures.. You don't bounce back from being accused of child abuse. Especially sexual abuse.

    With sexual abuse you are guilty until proven innocent. NOT the other way around. And you NEVER recover. And this boy knows it.

    If difficult child abuses the 9yo but tells dad he was somewhere else, then your husband is going to attack one of your sons. It will be a way to "prove" that he isn't a bad father, that his son is the poor innocent abused boy. To prove that you are not a "better" parent than he is.

    This boy is terribly dangerous. I would hazard a guess that the 9yo has already been abused by him and that at some level your husband knows about it.

    I am sorry the docs were not more helpful. Chances are the psychiatrist already knows that difficult child is beyond any kind of in-home help. Is it also positive that the therapist was trying to urge you to leave by saying to put safety first? Maybe to do it with-o alienating husband completely?

    I hoep that you have some way to recharge your batteries. Here is to protecting yourself and your sons from difficult child and husband.

    sending lots and lots of hugs.
     
  6. WSM

    WSM New Member

    difficult child has never sexually abused anyone or been sexually abused.

    He is not going to a YMCA camp or regular camp, but to a military-style camp for disturbed kids, a wilderness thing where they march two days into the woods, live in tents, and supposedly learn some self discipline. Last year difficult child went to a wilderness weekend like this and we got 6 weeks of good behavior out of him. We are hoping for three weeks of peace while he's at camp and then maybe again a month or two of cooperation. This wilderness camp is run by a military school for problem kids, and it's supposed to prep the kids for the school. difficult child will not be going to this school, which costs about $45,000 a year, but he won't know that that is not an option, at least at first. So maybe camp will give us a couple months respite.

    The therapist says that he does need immediate intervention and long term placement for everyone's benefit. He seemed annoyed that husband hadn't taken steps to find placement for difficult child; his attitude being it seems: 'well, you are going to have these problems if you don't place him', as though it was our fault difficult child was causing us misery.

    I asked him straight out how to get him placed, and the therapist didn't know. He'd worked in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for adolescent boys for 7 years and said he knew there were kids who got placement and were funded by the state. He said contact the judge difficult child had, contact DCF. I said I knew about CHINS and some of the programs but all of them were based on family reunification and placement and in family services, and that funding was a problem. He agreed funding was a problem. husband said that there was a six month waiting list at the two facilities within 300 miles, therapist said, "Then get him on the waiting list." therapist also suggested we talk to the insurance company, maybe since difficult child didn't have cancer that savings could be used towards mental health treatment. Ooooo-kaaaaay....now we know he isn't realistic about funding; insurance companies don't want to pay legitimate benefits, they aren't going to get creative to help pay mental health benefits.

    I think if we need him to testify that difficult child is very disturbed, therapist will. But the psychiatrist won't. So I suppose we can leave her out. But still it leaves it up to us how to get him placement. I think we should go to the judge, but husband won't. At least not yet, and maybe never.

    As for getting rid of the doctor, the problem is we don't have a lot of options. He's highly recommended. He saw right off that difficult child was very disturbed (and he seems to have dropped the behavior modification thing). He's a neuropsychologist, a Ph.D who teaches at a major and respected hospital here with an excellent kid's mental health program. He's worked in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), and he's written a couple books. They are on closed head trauma in children. He's nationally known. And we haven't had a lot of success with other therapists. At least this one knows difficult child is very disturbed.

    Anyway, husband sulked all last night and came to bed about 3 am. When he was putting daughter 9 to bed last night I heard him say, "It's your responsibility to make sure nothing happens to it..." Honestly, I'm not sure what he was talking about, but I hope it's not about her things and making it her responsibility that difficult child doesn't break or steal them. Since husband wasn't successful at protecting his own things, he's wrong to give her a hard time about it. He doesn't want her to complain about difficult child to anyone except him, but when she does he gives her a hard time. A couple weeks ago she was crying because difficult child broke a toy. husband didn't want to admit it was difficult child who did it, thought she might have done it herself or someone else, and there was no proof difficult child did it, and how could difficult child do it, and what was she crying about. And he was rough with her.

    He wants her to let it go, to keep quiet, but even tho difficult child doesn't physically hurt her, it ***** to be difficult child's younger sister and she's not going to keep quiet. And I encourage her to tell people how she feels, her teachers, her friends, me, whomever. And she's got spunk and is verbal and knows her mind, even though she's good natured and eager to please--she's not a doormat.

    Last night at therapy I brought up the fact her DS was smashed and he shut me down, "that's between me, my son and my daughter, and I'll deal with it." Except he doesn't...

    But one day soon he will. I see the day coming when he will have to choose between his kids. And then he actually had the nerve to tell my kids what to do, well, that's between me and my kids, and he can butt himself out. This is going to be dealt with in marital therapy.
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry about the mistake about sexual abuse. I got things confused with someone else. My fault.

    However, I am quite sure difficult child has been asked if anyone sexually abused him. it happens with troubled kids - has to be ruled in or out. Knowing that, and how big an accusation of sexual abuse is, I can EASILY see difficult child accusing you or one of your sons of abusing him sexually. You talk a lot about how he pulls the wool over people's eyes. He is quite good at it, it sounds. So he iwll have NO problem finding someone who will pity him and believe him if he makes an allegation of sexual abuse.

    If that is done to you or your sons it will RUIN your lives. NOT difficult children. As I said before, with sex abuse you are guilty until proven innocent and even then many think you are guilty. If husband had an accusation liek that to latch onto to explain difficult child's behaviors, then he WILL and he may use it to show that you are not as good at raising kids as you "think" you are. He will use it as a defense and a way to make you look like the bad guy because (in my opinion) he wants any excuse so he can ignore this or blame it on someone else.

    Wow, husband actually had the nerve to say that it was between HIS son, HIS daughter and HIM when you asked about the broken gameboy?

    That right there ought to tell you something.

    The tdocs usually don't have any idea how to get a child into a facility, esp a long term one. It isn't something they have to deal with regularly, or it isn't here.

    Your husband is working so hard to get life to look normal.

    I wish I could offer you some hope. Maybe the summer camp will help. I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

    Are you doing any evaluating of the situation to see if you need to take some decisive action? At the least it would be good to have a bag in your car with an outfit, important papers, and toiletries in case something happens and you have to get your sons and get out fast.
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2009
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If he touched his sister inappropriately even once, and I think it was more, then he sexually abused her. I think husband has defended him for so long that perhaps you are starting to think you're seeing him too harshly--that you are the bad guy.

    Abused kids (your stepdaughter) are always told they'd better not tell anyone about the abuse heaped on them. This is a very sick situation. The poor child. Nobody is helping her. Nobody is calling CPS on her behalf. They are allowing this bully brother to do what he wants to her and she isn't allowed to complain about it to her teachers or a counselor or to anyone who may see that difficult child is an abuser and husband is going along with it.

    When we called CPS about our son who abused our two younger kids, they took him, understanding that he couldn't come back. Funding wasn't an issue. He was just gone. We had to pay a certain amount of "child support" to the system each month until he was a ward of the state, which we initiated. CPS would take this child out of the house because he is more than just disturbed--he's dangerous to all of you, especially another child much younger than him, and he's a criminal. But you have to tell somebody in authority. If you don't, to be honest, you are allowing him to abuse his sister too. You are becoming part of the problem. The only way you can save her is to tattle on the two boys--one who is edging toward evil and the other who is enabling his horrendous behavior and may be liable when it call comes out. And it will all come out. Daughter isn't going to stay a compliant eight year old. She'll tell somebody and could name you as somebody who didn't help her.

    I know what I'd do if I was you--call CPS and leave. It is the only way to help the little girl. She should not be in that environment. And somebody else said that your own boys may one day be tabbed with abuse allegations. Absolutely true. These kids who have no consciences always point to other people and then the person who is named is in trouble. Prove the difficult child, who you all protected, is the liar. You won't be able to do it.

    This is a mess. I'd take your kids, for everyone's sake, leave and call CPS and maybe talk to the judge so that the girl can get alternative placement. I'm very anti-foster care, but this child needs to get out of the house. She is being abused in many many ways by both her father and her brother. I'm kind of speechless that staying is even a possibility on your part, but I know it's hard to leave--and he's been gaslighting you for so long that I feel your guilt through your posts.

    Get out. And call CPS for the sake of that step-daughter. Hate to hang this on you, but if you don't rat out the boys, she will continue to be abused until she is much older and far more damaged. NOBODY is doing anything to help her. Her mother isn't. Her father is telling her to hush it up. Her brother is probably sexually abusing her but say he isn't. He is tormenting her in other ways too. And nobody will tell on him and get her help. The only way to get her help is to call CPS. I hate CPS. I only tell people to call them when it's a dire situation. It is. NOBODY CARES ABOUT THIS GIRL. NOBODY DOES ANYTHING TO HELP HER. And up until now, that includes you. Giving her sympathy or blunting some of difficult child's attacks isn't helping her in the long run. You need to do more or you are part of the problem. I like to read true crime. Not sure why, but that's another forum. Whenever I read it, abused kids are always baffled that their mothers stand by and wring their hands, but never report the husband (or abuser). It doesn't help her that you feel badly for her. You have to get her help.

    I hope you make the right decision and help this child by exposing the family dynamics to somebody who will step in and do something. therapist isn't going to do it. I know it's hard, but it's up to you to save this little girl--do it. Good luck.
     
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't know what state you are in but I went thru a process of trying to get my son placed in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC). It didn't work because he was already on probation and had legal charges against him- more than a CHINS. Once they have that status, it is very difficult to get anything funded other than lock-up, which is what my son got. The reason is because it is crime prevention funds that covers the cost of his rehabilitation, so many services would not be covered by that.

    If your difficult child has not reached that point yet, the main two ways to get Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or other services funded are thru the school district or thru your local mental health system- the public one- unless social services is involved. It sounds like social services is not involved and that your difficult child hasn't done enough at school to justify the school district advocating (which meeans helping to fund) Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement. Therefore, I woould recommend discussing things with a supervisor or higher up at your local mental health dept. to see if things work that way in your jurisdiction.

    I wish I had done that with my difficult child a few years ago- before he ended up in so much legal trouble. But, it means you have to change his mental health treatment to the public agency. If they determine that he needs out of home placement, they can get it for him. in my humble opinion, the current therapist is on the right track and is not being as blunt about some things because he realizes the conflicting interpretations of you and your husband. I wonder if your husband might have mentioned to him that you had raised an older son(s) and they seemed to turn out well.

    I'm not trying to take anyone's side- I think you are being a great warrior mom. It just sounds like everyone is being worn down and nerves are raw and feelings are being easily hurt. I can identify, trust me!

    Also, if you haven't already, you might try doing an online search for your state's "funding for at-risk youth" and see if that leads to an "act" or policy and name of of what to ask for. If you can find a website on that, it probably will lay out the requirements and public agencies that have access to those funds.
     
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have not been in a situation like yours but I do sympathize. Reading your posts the parts that scream out at me is your fear of facing the future with-o a spouse. Many of us who decided to leave our spouses did so with reluctance and fear. Most of us did it to protect our children from a life in an environment without safety and a sense of wellbeing.

    My suggestion is to set a deadline for yourself. Perhaps it can coincide with the upcoming absence of difficult child due to camp. Make arrangements for alternate housing, see an attorney for separation papers that include the financial protection that you believe is fair and equitable and advise your adult children of the plan. Then inform your husband after the plans are set....do not discuss the plans with him in advance because obviously you are very motivated to stay with him and easily influenced to believe that his opinions are correct when they are obviously faulty.

    Tell your husband that you are leaving. Tell your husband (if it is true) that you hope it will be a temporary separation. Tell your husband that the homelife situation is too dangerous for you, your children and his daughter. Suggest that his daughter be sent to stay with other relatives (or stay with you if that is workable) during this time. THEN hand him the true responsibility for finding a solution for difficult child. Let him be a man. Let him take the steps necessary.

    Meanwhile.......start a new life and rediscover that a sense of peace and safety is what life is suppose to be about. You can do it ALONE. Many of us have done it. Get your head out of the sand and do it. IF you are right and all of us are wrong, you have permission to come back and say
    "See. I told you all you were wrong! This is how perfect life is! etc."

    Sending a prayer and a hug your way, with an extra for his little daughter. DDD
     
  11. WSM

    WSM New Member

    No sexual or physical abuse, just stealing her things, breaking her things, lying to her, trying to make her do things like steal cookies for him, and of course that creepy nasty business of going into her room in the middle of the night and pouring corn syrup around.

    That's bad enough, but there's only so much that I can do. I have no faith in 'the system'. They might have taken your adopted son out of the house, but my stepson four times in 18 months committed an expellable felony at school, was convicted 3 times and was never expelled. Altho maybe the therapist does believe difficult child is doing all this stuff, I know because I've heard it myself that there are a lot of people who buy difficult child's victim spiel. I do help her, she does tell me even tho husband has told her not to and I encourage her to always tell, tell, tell, tell everyone, tell teachers, friends, bus drivers, neighbors, friends' mothers, everyone. She's only nine, and she's agreeable, but she has spunk. She can't speak up yet, but she'll be able to. I do watch out for her; if I leave she's sunk, I insist on the supervision, the monitoring, the safety. Yep, we have breakdowns in our safety procedures and they are being updated as difficult child tests them. I hate it, but they are necessary. When I'm not around husband does get lax. therapist said safety first; husband is going to be tired of hearing me say it.

    I'm getting my kids out. I'm in the process of buying a condo for the two oldest 3 hours away at their college; it takes times, especially these days. My third was accepted to a special high school for kids who want to become doctors, it's a great honor--my kids will be safely away doing happy productive things in the fall.

    That leave me and stepdau. I can't take her with me. I will never see her again once I leave, you have to understand that. When I leave I will talk to DCF, and will talk to her school principal and school counselor, I'll tell them what's going on, and urge them to check her, check her, check her. I'll give them the log, I'll give them the picture. School boundaries were redrawn and she's going to go to a school difficult child never attended this fall--they won't feel any loyalty to difficult child unlike the other school. I'll give them the therapist's name, the one who says difficult child is very very dangerous and the names of neighbors. Also, because husband and his ex had a contentious divorce, I'll contact the kids' GALs and let them know. They have legal jurisdiction still over difficult child and stepdau--altho they consider their custody case satisfactorily resolved and haven't contacted us in a long time. But it was one of their most wrenching cases and they were very involved, came to our wedding in fact, maybe they can do something. Actually I'm going to ask husband to confide in them and ask them to help get placement for difficult child.

    As for husband and his wavering on what to do about difficult child, I don't know what to say. I know he knows difficult child is very very messed up. difficult child is still small,80 lbs, not yet 5 ft tall, skinny. He doesn't seem threatening to a 225lb man. The difference between me and husband is that while we both know difficult child is horribly disturbed, husband hopes he can be helped,and I know he's beyond meaningful help, at least as far as him being able to live comfortably in a family.

    husband hopes pills will help, therapy, going soft on him building up his self esteem, letting him know he's loved and accepted even if he does do bad things will help him--mostly he hopes for the medications to help--medication, husband has informed me, made a world of difference to difficult child's mother: like night and day. But biomom's problems are chemical, she's bipolar/schizophrenia and spends most of her life in psychosis; she could manage it if she took her medications. difficult child's got some of her mental illness, but he's mostly in my opinion emotionally ill, dealing with a personality disorder, ie, antisocial PD, or sociopathy.

    "Very, very disturbed" is not a psychiatric diagnosis. I would love to know what therapist thinks difficult child's diagnosis is, particularly since you can't official diagnosis a PD before age 18, and particularly not antisocial PD. But antisocials don't turn that way in an hour, at the stroke of 18, they of course were that way as children. I've asked other tdocs in the past what the diagnosis for difficult child was, and they always answer with some form of: "Labels aren't really helpful." I take that as meaning that they 'know' difficult child is an emerging sociopath; husband takes it as meaning what's wrong with him isn't important, just getting difficult child on the right path is.

    This is very hard. There are no clear answers, no clear path. I know either difficult child or I will be gone by his 14th birthday; I too have hope though, I hope husband drops his hope that the right medications or therapy will fix difficult child. I don't have a lot of hope, but I do see times when husband is ready to let go--oddly enough not when difficult child does something horrific, but when he talks back. difficult child told husband to shut up a couple days ago, and husband was livid. Interestingly enough it might not be the knives that motivates husband to take action against difficult child, but his mouth.

    I cannot tell you how soul weary I am.
     
  12. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm glad you are getting your children out. I do understand needing to stick around to protect your daughter. Once you are ready to leave, make sure daughter has your cell phone memorized and knows that she can call you whenever she needs to. When you call CPS, let them know you are willing to provide a home if they need to move her from dad and mom isn't an option.

    Maybe husband will wake-up. It took my husband a very long time. Even bruises on me and the other kids didn't convince him right away. I think it is hard for some parents to admit that they cannot help their very, very sick child.
     
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Good healthy choices. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. DDD
     
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sounds like good plans. It's great for you to get your kids OUT OF THAT HOUSE. No wonder hub is jealous, with your children so exceptional. I think it's best for them to stay away. difficult child could get jealous of them and nail them with something legal to ruin their lives.

    I hope you get out soon. (((Hugs)))
     
  15. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    Sounds like you are thinking things through well. It still hurts so much to read it, I can't imagine the pain you are going through. Stay strong.
     
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    WSM, it really sounds like you are on top of things as much as you can be. Hopefully difficult child will do something that doesn't hurt anyone but can't be covered up by your husband and is serious enough to get the attention and placement he needs.

    make sure you have ALL the sharp things locked up. Have you considered getting a storage unit and making sure stuff you don't want broken is in there? Esp stuff that your kids are attached to? It might be a way for you to have some not damaged stuff to move out with.

    difficult child will destroy or try to destroy anything you or your kids have that matters to you.

    I think it is very very sad that your husband won't do what is needed to help his son. It is sort of like forcing him to stay in a diabetic coma rather than giving him the insulin and other medications he needs.

    I truly hope that stepdau can get some real help. Same for husband.

    It really seems to me that husband is as determined to cling to the "difficult child is ok. difficult child will be better if I can only get this medication for him. Others are out to get him." thoughts.

    Lots of hugs and prayers for you all. Stay safe!
     
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