TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
It's taken me a few days to get my brain and emotions and schedule together, what with-my dad dying, and my b-i-l dying, and one of easy child's college friend's committing suicide, and then reeling after the discovery of what difficult child has done.
But as promised, here it is:
Apparently difficult child's "friends," the ones I didn't like and whose parents are clueless (ie. the grandmother who didn't believe me when I told her that one of her grandkids was talking to the police and she insisted he was home in bed and I told her to do a bed check), they were all doing spice and weed.
I knew that, but I thought it was only once or twice and that after difficult child told us 2 mo's ago, he chose not to do it any more, besides which, I only allowed him to spend 1 hr with-them, once a wk, and I personally walked him to the door to make sure that someone was home, and personally took him to the park and then sat and did my makeup so all the kids could see me.
Well, dummy me. Kids are sneakier than I think.
I cannot believe that I actually drove difficult child to these spots, and then was critical of the parents who didn't know where their kids were. I knew exactly where difficult child was. I'm just shaking my head.
Turns out that one of the kids, M, takes money and jewelry and gives it to his mom. Or, he just takes jewelry and she gives him money. There is another teen involved who is older and I have never met him, so I think he's the actual dealer.
The mom is the pawn person.
Sometime in the past two wks (I honestly don't recall which day it was because I was still out of it, having flown out of state to do hospice with-my dad), difficult child took ALL of my rings and gave 2 to his girlfriends, and the rest to M's mom. He just opened the little drawer in my jewerly box that had all my rings, and grabbed every last one. Luckily, I was wearing my wedding ring.
We didn't find out until after 10 days, which is the amt of time the pawn shop held the items and then passed them to the next dealer.
It took us hours and days to get the info from difficult child, which really worried us. Did he truly forget what he had done because he was high? Or was he stringing us along? Did he tell the police the same thing he told us?
husband, against the police admonitions, drove to the pawn shop to see if he could recover anything. Turns out he knows the owner, from the gym.
The owner immediately recognized the description of two of the rings--a nice pearl from Hawaii that was worth several thousand, and an antique from my grandmother, who got it from her mother.
He said M's mother has been a regular customer since 1980. She's on camera and he has all the paperwork.
So it looks like maybe these lemons will give us lemonade if we can get her and the dealer thrown in jail, because this has been going on for a long time.
You know the story of Oliver, how the guy sends out the kids to do his bidding? That's what this woman does.
So, difficult child got under $200 for the rings, which were worth over $6,000. Yes, they're insured, but we're not going to do anything with-insurance until we find out if the judge wants us to seek restitution from the woman (I'd love to put a lien on her house).
difficult child used the money for a little bit of pot, and the majority to buy Microsoft gaming points. (Why am I not surprised?)
Since he has been off of pot and Abilify (what a horrid combination!!!) his demeanor is much more normal, considering that he's never really had a normal temperament. But he's not snarling at every little glance or touch, which is a relief. And his eyes are not bloodshot. And he no longer has sinus issues or headaches. And he is back to actually doing chores every day.
Unfortunately, even after I screamed my head off at him (think--The Bodysnatchers, where the aliens point at the humans and just scream), and after the police came to the house, and after we took difficult child to the station where he gave the detective all the names, ph numbers and addresses, difficult child STILL doesn't get how much trouble he's in. He still says, "Can I get a new hoodie? Can you make me cookies?"
And he's not really deeply upset that he took MY personal things and sold them, but he was hysterical and crying when we told him he had to get back the rings he gave to his girlfriends.
I read that Aspies can be impulsive that way and gives things away ... but the lack of feeling for me scares the ^**$$p out of me.
Our therapist is concerned that difficult child is moving onto antisocial behavior. It's not just the lack of boundaries, it's the lack of true remorse and lack of understand as to why we want him to trial lithium, go into a psychiatric hospital, and spend time in juvie.
Oh, that's the other thing. I am VERY disappointed with-the police dept. It seems that being nice, good parents is working against us. Juvie is packed to the gills, and difficult child is not a danger to society, so no handcuffs, no loud, scary lectures, nada. Just nice conversations with-questions and answers. And an apology letter, as though difficult child is a 6-yr-old. Oh. Come. ON.
I really, really think they missed the window of opportunity to scare the pants off of difficult child.
The detective is out of town, and won't be able to secure a court date until at least the 29th of June. He said it looked like we wouldn't go until mid-July. Great. Do I cancel difficult child's camps? Does he go to juvie one night and then to camp? Do I just kill him and hide the body?
And my b-i-l's celebration of life is July 13. All at the same time.
I am hanging in limbo.
I am making an appointment with-the therapist do to psychiatric personality testing on difficult child next wk. He's old enough now that the test results should be relatively accurate. And I have called several RTCs to see if difficult child qualifies for their stays, but boy, are they expensive! In the tens and hundreds of thousands of dollars.
They said if we self-pay for the first month, we can apply for a single household Medicaid plan for difficult child after that. We'll see.
So now you see why the therapist mentioned that difficult child may be exhibiting CD and sociopath behaviors.
Right now I feel as if I am losing my son, bit by bit, just like I lost my dad to Alzheimer's. It's a steady decline, no matter what we do.
We have to yank him back hard and fast but even the police aren't really cooperating. We're just another piece of paper. I realize that difficult child is not a mass murderer, but how do they think people get that way? It doesn't happen overnight!
by the way, I highly doubt that difficult child's bmom did drugs or alcohol. I think she and her mother are Aspie. I think that her dad (her parents are divorced) is narcissistic and possibly antisocial (clinically) and that a lot of this is genetic. We also met the biodad and he is very nice and polite, but his MO is to have everything handed to him (military and private biz) and start out as the Wonder Boy, only to fall and fail in the ensuing wks and mo's, failing to complete sales calls, oversleeping and smoking weed.
The rest of the family is very nice and they don't seem to have problems with-accountability or maturity. Looks like difficult child got the worst of everything genetically.
But as promised, here it is:
Apparently difficult child's "friends," the ones I didn't like and whose parents are clueless (ie. the grandmother who didn't believe me when I told her that one of her grandkids was talking to the police and she insisted he was home in bed and I told her to do a bed check), they were all doing spice and weed.
I knew that, but I thought it was only once or twice and that after difficult child told us 2 mo's ago, he chose not to do it any more, besides which, I only allowed him to spend 1 hr with-them, once a wk, and I personally walked him to the door to make sure that someone was home, and personally took him to the park and then sat and did my makeup so all the kids could see me.
Well, dummy me. Kids are sneakier than I think.
I cannot believe that I actually drove difficult child to these spots, and then was critical of the parents who didn't know where their kids were. I knew exactly where difficult child was. I'm just shaking my head.
Turns out that one of the kids, M, takes money and jewelry and gives it to his mom. Or, he just takes jewelry and she gives him money. There is another teen involved who is older and I have never met him, so I think he's the actual dealer.
The mom is the pawn person.
Sometime in the past two wks (I honestly don't recall which day it was because I was still out of it, having flown out of state to do hospice with-my dad), difficult child took ALL of my rings and gave 2 to his girlfriends, and the rest to M's mom. He just opened the little drawer in my jewerly box that had all my rings, and grabbed every last one. Luckily, I was wearing my wedding ring.
We didn't find out until after 10 days, which is the amt of time the pawn shop held the items and then passed them to the next dealer.
It took us hours and days to get the info from difficult child, which really worried us. Did he truly forget what he had done because he was high? Or was he stringing us along? Did he tell the police the same thing he told us?
husband, against the police admonitions, drove to the pawn shop to see if he could recover anything. Turns out he knows the owner, from the gym.
The owner immediately recognized the description of two of the rings--a nice pearl from Hawaii that was worth several thousand, and an antique from my grandmother, who got it from her mother.
He said M's mother has been a regular customer since 1980. She's on camera and he has all the paperwork.
So it looks like maybe these lemons will give us lemonade if we can get her and the dealer thrown in jail, because this has been going on for a long time.
You know the story of Oliver, how the guy sends out the kids to do his bidding? That's what this woman does.
So, difficult child got under $200 for the rings, which were worth over $6,000. Yes, they're insured, but we're not going to do anything with-insurance until we find out if the judge wants us to seek restitution from the woman (I'd love to put a lien on her house).
difficult child used the money for a little bit of pot, and the majority to buy Microsoft gaming points. (Why am I not surprised?)
Since he has been off of pot and Abilify (what a horrid combination!!!) his demeanor is much more normal, considering that he's never really had a normal temperament. But he's not snarling at every little glance or touch, which is a relief. And his eyes are not bloodshot. And he no longer has sinus issues or headaches. And he is back to actually doing chores every day.
Unfortunately, even after I screamed my head off at him (think--The Bodysnatchers, where the aliens point at the humans and just scream), and after the police came to the house, and after we took difficult child to the station where he gave the detective all the names, ph numbers and addresses, difficult child STILL doesn't get how much trouble he's in. He still says, "Can I get a new hoodie? Can you make me cookies?"
And he's not really deeply upset that he took MY personal things and sold them, but he was hysterical and crying when we told him he had to get back the rings he gave to his girlfriends.
I read that Aspies can be impulsive that way and gives things away ... but the lack of feeling for me scares the ^**$$p out of me.
Our therapist is concerned that difficult child is moving onto antisocial behavior. It's not just the lack of boundaries, it's the lack of true remorse and lack of understand as to why we want him to trial lithium, go into a psychiatric hospital, and spend time in juvie.
Oh, that's the other thing. I am VERY disappointed with-the police dept. It seems that being nice, good parents is working against us. Juvie is packed to the gills, and difficult child is not a danger to society, so no handcuffs, no loud, scary lectures, nada. Just nice conversations with-questions and answers. And an apology letter, as though difficult child is a 6-yr-old. Oh. Come. ON.
I really, really think they missed the window of opportunity to scare the pants off of difficult child.
The detective is out of town, and won't be able to secure a court date until at least the 29th of June. He said it looked like we wouldn't go until mid-July. Great. Do I cancel difficult child's camps? Does he go to juvie one night and then to camp? Do I just kill him and hide the body?
And my b-i-l's celebration of life is July 13. All at the same time.
I am hanging in limbo.
I am making an appointment with-the therapist do to psychiatric personality testing on difficult child next wk. He's old enough now that the test results should be relatively accurate. And I have called several RTCs to see if difficult child qualifies for their stays, but boy, are they expensive! In the tens and hundreds of thousands of dollars.
They said if we self-pay for the first month, we can apply for a single household Medicaid plan for difficult child after that. We'll see.
So now you see why the therapist mentioned that difficult child may be exhibiting CD and sociopath behaviors.
Right now I feel as if I am losing my son, bit by bit, just like I lost my dad to Alzheimer's. It's a steady decline, no matter what we do.
We have to yank him back hard and fast but even the police aren't really cooperating. We're just another piece of paper. I realize that difficult child is not a mass murderer, but how do they think people get that way? It doesn't happen overnight!
by the way, I highly doubt that difficult child's bmom did drugs or alcohol. I think she and her mother are Aspie. I think that her dad (her parents are divorced) is narcissistic and possibly antisocial (clinically) and that a lot of this is genetic. We also met the biodad and he is very nice and polite, but his MO is to have everything handed to him (military and private biz) and start out as the Wonder Boy, only to fall and fail in the ensuing wks and mo's, failing to complete sales calls, oversleeping and smoking weed.
The rest of the family is very nice and they don't seem to have problems with-accountability or maturity. Looks like difficult child got the worst of everything genetically.
