We're pressing charges against difficult child

[Malika]

So sorry you are facing all this, Terry. I don't have words of advice as I have not travelled your road, but I do send you warm cyber wishes, even though we have not met

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

First offenses will most likely get a slap on the wrist. You will get more satisfaction if you make sure this is handled as a felony because of the fact of the amount of money the jewelry was worth. Dont let them plea this down because he is talking.

If no one else can help you make his life hell, you can. Take away everything from him except a mattress, a couple of changes of clothes you buy at Goodwill, the nastiest food he can eat, and the bare minimum care you are obligated to give him. Why should he not go to the local HS? If he gets in trouble there, so be it. He would have no access to anything electronic in his life unless he happens to have the privilege of sitting in the living room with you and husband to watch tv. No computers, no cell phones. Go to a thrift store and invest in an old fashioned set of encyclopedia's. If the info is a bit out of date, so sorry.

Terry he knows right from wrong. He does. He is choosing to do these things. If he does anymore damage to your house, continue to call the cops, they will get tired of hearing from you and finally do something about it. If worse comes to worse, ask about filing a CHINS on him. He would never be away from my side again. We had to do this with Cory. Someone was always with him. Of course that means you and your husband are going to have to work together on this. It takes both parents to be on the same page. Your son needs a strong physical male figure in the home who will tell him in no uncertain terms that he will not treat you this way. That if he so much as lays a finger on you he will regret it for the rest of his life. Cory was always a bit afraid that if Tony didnt kill him, one of his brother's would.

Terry,

I read this late last night, thought about it, and then thought about it some more... in my humble opinion, Janet's advice is right on target. I agree that your difficult child knows right from wrong. He needs to be made to fully understand that the negative consequences he must deal with are nothing compared to what he'll have to endure if he does something like this again.

I don't even have the words to let you know how sorry I am... Hugs... SFR

 

[Bunny]

I'm a little late to the party, but I just wanted to add how sorry I am this is happening to you. I can't imagine what you must be thinking and feeling towards your son right now. Personally, I completely agree with your choice to press charges, even if he gets a slap on the wrist. It's the beginning of a paper trail. If it happens again, of if he gets caught doing something else there will be previous charges (or maybe a conviction) that will count against him. That may sound harsh, but sometimes harsh is what these kids need.

Again, I'm so sorry.

 

[TerryJ2]

Witsend and Insane, I think I have some magnesium downstairs. I'll check. so sorry for what you are going through, too.

How would I check for CP after all these yrs?

Janet, funny, I was just thinking of the thrift store today. Especially because difficult child keeps asking for a new hoodie.

 

[crazymama30]

Terry, my difficult child has the diagnosis of bipolar and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) not otherwise specified. I do believe both are accurate. He has had "girlfriends", or so he says. I think his are more wannabe things and more like an elementary school thing. When he meets someone he will also go up and shake their hand and look at their face briefly. Do I have any doubts about either diagnosis?? Nope. I don't. What I have noticed is that when his bipolar is stable, the autism shows more. I can really see it. If he is cycling? You cannot tell he is autistic, well you can barely tell, the bipolar trumps all. My difficult child also has a lack of remorse for what he has done, and does not understand how something he did yesterday will impact how people see him today. To him, today is now and tomorrow is gone.

I know you feel like giving up on him, but don't. The new hoodie? Unless he NEEDS it, nope. If it is not a necessity, then no. I might get rid of his phone also. And anytime he does something right? Maybe then get him the hoodie or let him use the phone. I am sure you have done this, and it may not work as he is 15, but my difficult child is 14 but acts 10.

As for the lithium? Try it. From what I have seen, if you can stabilize the bipolar the rest will come, or that is how it has worked for us.

Hugs.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you.
No hoodie.
He blew up at me yesterday. easy child promised him that if he was nice to me all day, she'd left a book and some earrings and a necklace on the kitchen table for him.
Well, he was good until he went into easy child's room and used her laptop to go on FB.
She said she was glad he told her about it, even if it was after the fact, and that all he had to do was ask.
He twisted that to mean that what he did was okay.
So I skipped a trip to the grocery store and went straight home to see if he'd been anywhere else on her computer (i.e. buying iTunes) and he blew up. Once we got home, he turned it into a You-vs-Me thing and said all we do is criticize him and never compliment him on the good stuff, and was have to trust him just this much (showing me the space between his thumb and his finger, about 1/2 inch) and blah blah blah and followed me everywhere.
He complained that I didn't even look at the history on the laptop and judged him immediately. I shouted, "WELCOME TO YOUR NEW LIFE, THIEF!"
That, of course, set him off again. Hey, not the best parenting but I'd just had it.

It turned out that he had not gone on any other sites, so that part was true, but it was also true that he want into easy child's room and used her laptop with-o permission.
He got so bad that I sat at the DR table and sobbed.
Then we were both crying.
Then he put his hand on my arm and told me it was going to be okay because he didn't mean any of it and he knew that we loved him and he was just mad, and asked me if I needed anything. More Kleenex? Something for a headache? A hug?

He promised that he would try harder and that this was just a start.

We both went to bed around 8:00 because we were so emotionally exhausted.

Today, he's been answering my calls (he's got his ph) because I ran errands and ea time b4 I hung up, he told me he loved me.
When I brought home groceries and plants, he helped me carry them in.
He did the dishes and took the dogs out.
Then he asked if he was being good. I said yes.

I have to try sooooo hard not to be sarcastic. That's defintely part of my MO.

I can't wait for Wed when we get the lithium scrip.

How long does it take to show any effect (not counting the bathroom issues, I mean, psychologically)?