what a day...

[sjexpress]

difficult child was ejected from his baseball game today. He struck out and while walking back to the dugout he was banging his bat on the ground in anger and as he got into the dugout, he threw ( hard) his bat on the ground and his helmet too but the helmet hit all the bats on the wall and knocked them all down and the umpire ejected him for poor sportsmanlike behavior. He was also told he not only had to leave the dugout, but could not even remain in the baseball park! His team is in a weekend tournament and then we come to find, if you are ejected in one game, you can not play in any remaining games. Honestly, I find that part a bit strict. Even in the prof. baseball games, if a player is ejected, they can play in the next game. Not that I am condoning difficult child actions in the least but again, these are kids and they do deserve a 2nd chance. With all of difficult child problems, this has never happened to him.
Now difficult child being who he is, when we got our stuff and left, I tried to speak with him.....he told me it was the umpires fault because he called the strike and if he was a better umpire and made a better call, difficult child would not have struck out and he would not have had to get mad!!?? Are you kidding me?? Oh and all umpires make bad calls against him more than anybody else!!
How do you get thru ever to someone with this kind of thinking? How do you make him see his actions are his responsibility? Maybe the umpire made a bad call but difficult child chose to react the wrong way and got himself in trouble. We have been thru years of counseling, psychiatric., etc... and nothing helps to change this thinking pattern or help him keep his calm in moments like this.
Besides my anger and embarrasement, I am more sad for difficult child because baseball is his passion. He looks so forward to his games, etc... I wish I could some how help him from losing it in time of frustration. I guess sports are no place for children with mental health issues. No one wants to hear about it or give them "extra" chances because they are different because then it sets a bad example. Very frustrating. In a "normal" child, this bad experience would serve as an example and that sort of behavior would not happen again but with a difficult child type of child, not so much because it is hard for them to control themselves. difficult child has been sobbing off and on since we got home saying he wish he didn't do that! Its really hard, isn't it!

Jan

 

[family mum]

Yup, they don't get it. They usually don't learn from their mistakes, because they don't makes mistakes.. the ump does, the teacher, us, whoever, but never them.

in a way, the fact that he is now crying , showing regret, wishing that he had acted differently, may show that he is improving in his "getting It". Even if his first response in anger and blaming others, he does seem to realize, even if only after the fact, that his actions did have consequences. I can tell you, mine is almost 14 and he gets stuck in the anger part. He can't see/recognize the differences between frustration, anger and sadness, not even after the fact.

Jan, it is hard! We want so much for their lives to be perfect even though we know that is impossible for anyone, let alone a difficult child. Hang in there. I sussprect this week-end might be hard as he will be very much aware that he is missing out on all the other games. Good luck, Lynne

 

[firehorsewoman]

You asked: "How do you get thru ever to someone with this kind of thinking? How do you make him see his actions are his responsibility?"

These are questions I ask myself everyday. It is never my difficult child's fault, always the teacher, his sister, his stepmother, most of the time me and yes the umpires because he plays baseball too. He is athletic and enjoys sports and for some reason he is able to focus his energy and concentrate throughout an entire 2 hr baseball game so that is one of the reasons I keep him active with many sports.

Tonight his team won their game (so no complaints about the umps) but he was loudly complaining that the other team were sore losers until his coaches told him to be quiet. On the way home I tried to explain to him the difference between the other boys being sad vs being sore losers. He just didn't hear any of it. He knows it all and seems to find a negative to interject into even the happiest of moments.

I'm sorry that you had a bad day.

 

[InsaneCdn]

sj... JMO, but... the ump was wrong. Sorry. Out for THAT game? yes. But... out for the rest of the tourney? Not even a normal typical teen would handle that very well. Our kids DO need second chances... appropriate, not capitulation-chances. Out for the game - I'd even accept out-of-the-park for the rest of the day. But tomorrow IS another day.

<sigh>
We need more coaches and officials with the kind of brains and heart that the man has who is the boss to DaisyFace's difficult child.

 

[Bunny]

"How do you make him see his actions are his responsibility?"

Now that is really the $64,000.00 question, isn't it?

It's never the fault of a difficult child. It's ALWAYS someone else's fault. The parents. The siblings. The teachers. The umpires/referees. Honestly, I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't because we go through the exact same thing here. In difficult child's world, if everyone would just do exactly as difficult child demands he would not have to have any tantrums or meltdowns and all would be right with his world.

Seriously, there are some days when I really wish I could live in difficult child world.

I'm sorry that his day ended so badly.