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Substance Abuse
What a mess..
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 610022" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You decide that YOU are important too and that you will not allow your 31 year old son to destroy your happiness and peace of mind...and you detach from his madness. If he gets into an accident while high on his motorcycle, you let the paramedics and hospital take care of him rather than keeping him company. You cut off any money you give him. You let him implode because he's going to implode whether or not you throw money at him. If he sincerely wants help, which you will know because he will drop his drug using friends, then you support him and it shouldn't be dramatic. It should be happy because he has made a good choice and he no longer thinks you have to keep on being "mommy." "Mommy" takes care of kids until they are old enough to be out on their own, but he is long past that.</p><p></p><p>I assume you have other loved ones, family, friends who need you and make you feel good. You in my opinion should spent more time with them as well as enjoying your hobbies and interests and feeling at peace. It is sad about your ex and I know you are thinking of him when you look at your son. But you couldn't fix the ex and you can't really fix anyone except yourself and how you choose to deal with your son's drug addiction. Do you go to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon? Have you contacted NAMI? You can get real time support in those places from people who understand. You can hear stories and learn a lot.</p><p></p><p>I recommend reading "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beatty. That was the first book I read when I first realized I am very codependent. Look, we don't learn to "let go" overnight, but our attitude and focus can change quickly and we CAN learn to live fruitful, fun, interesting lives even while our kids make horrible life choices. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change your son until he makes the hard decision to quit using meth so you may as well make the most out of your own life. Maybe a private therapist for you would be helpful. I still see one...it's been years and years. I find therapy very useful!</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you joined our forum, but am so very sorry that you had to!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 610022, member: 1550"] You decide that YOU are important too and that you will not allow your 31 year old son to destroy your happiness and peace of mind...and you detach from his madness. If he gets into an accident while high on his motorcycle, you let the paramedics and hospital take care of him rather than keeping him company. You cut off any money you give him. You let him implode because he's going to implode whether or not you throw money at him. If he sincerely wants help, which you will know because he will drop his drug using friends, then you support him and it shouldn't be dramatic. It should be happy because he has made a good choice and he no longer thinks you have to keep on being "mommy." "Mommy" takes care of kids until they are old enough to be out on their own, but he is long past that. I assume you have other loved ones, family, friends who need you and make you feel good. You in my opinion should spent more time with them as well as enjoying your hobbies and interests and feeling at peace. It is sad about your ex and I know you are thinking of him when you look at your son. But you couldn't fix the ex and you can't really fix anyone except yourself and how you choose to deal with your son's drug addiction. Do you go to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon? Have you contacted NAMI? You can get real time support in those places from people who understand. You can hear stories and learn a lot. I recommend reading "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beatty. That was the first book I read when I first realized I am very codependent. Look, we don't learn to "let go" overnight, but our attitude and focus can change quickly and we CAN learn to live fruitful, fun, interesting lives even while our kids make horrible life choices. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change your son until he makes the hard decision to quit using meth so you may as well make the most out of your own life. Maybe a private therapist for you would be helpful. I still see one...it's been years and years. I find therapy very useful! I'm glad you joined our forum, but am so very sorry that you had to! [/QUOTE]
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