What a roller coaster!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Kathy813, Dec 29, 2011.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Fasten your seat belts . . . this is going to be long.

    While husband and I were heading to the mall to exchange a gift, he got a message on his smartphone that we had gotten a message on our home phone. He called to see what it was and it was the pharmacy calling asking for difficult child to return a call about a prescription.

    Well, alarm bells starting ringing since I had just gone with difficult child to the community mental health center to get her prescriptions filled so I knew she didn't need anything else. Of course, I assumed the worst and thought she was using a forged prescription or getting drugs for someone else.

    I immediately called difficult child who said she didn't know why the pharmacy would have left a message. I told her that I was calling the director of the halfway house and she said fine and gave me his number. So I called and the director answered. I explained the situation and told him I couldn't think of any good reason the pharmacy was calling about a prescription for difficult child. He said he would check into it and call me back.

    He called back about 30 minutes later and said he had great news. He said she tested clean for everything - - marijuana, cocaine, opiates, benzos, and meth. I asked him why the pharmacy had called and he said that she told him it was for birth control. He then added that she was doing great. He said that she was quiet, always back before curfew, attending meetings. He said that the thought her real problem was that she needed to grow up and stop expecting us to take care of her. He added that he thought that being where she was had been really good for her since she was seeing how messed up other people were and that she didn't want to end up living like that. The director said that he really felt like she was going to do great and he didn't get to say that about most of the people he saw go through there.

    difficult child called as soon as I hung up to tell me that she had passed the drug test (she didn't know that I had just talked to the director). She was really happy and wasn't upset at all that I had suspected she was doing something wrong. I mentioned that the director had told me the call was about birth control and she said that is was but that she had been embarrassed to tell me. I asked her how she had planned to pay for it and she said that Peter Pan (the live with his parents and play video games all the time boyfriend) was going to pay for it. She said that she had called to see if she had any refills left from a while ago which would explain why the pharmacist needed to talk to her.

    I was still a little skeptical and asked her why she would have been embarrassed to tell me about the birth control when two years ago she had come in to my room one night to show me something Peter Pan had bought her for Christmas which was very inappropriate to show your mother. She didn't hesitate for a second and said that had been when she was drunk. She said she would never have showed me something like that when she was sober and actually sounded embarrassed to even be talking about it now.

    I asked her then if she wanted to spend New Year's Eve with us and stay overnight so she wouldn't have any temptations. She said she wanted to think about it and then called me back a few minutes later and said she would like that. So we have appointments for manicures on Saturday afternoon and then plan to see a movie and spend New Year's Eve at home.

    So while still very skeptical and not letting down my guard, I see some positives:

    1) She passed the drug test.

    2) She sounded very happy and proud of herself for how she was doing.

    3) She didn't get mad that I was suspicious and checked up on her.

    4) She has a job interview on Monday.

    5) The director of the halfway house said she was doing well and he had high hopes for her.

    6) She ended the call with, "I love you, Mom."

    Do you think it is okay for me to let myself be a little hopeful???

    Last edited: Dec 29, 2011
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Great news. All of it really. I understand you saying your guard is up.... but I am glad you can enjoy it too. Congrats!
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes you have good reason to be hopeful. She is sober and her thinking is clearer and she is expressing herself more openly and she is handling stress in an appropriate manner. I think she is making good progress. I'm keeping everything crossed.

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Id be hopeful...but Kathy, I have a question too. How is she passing a drug test that is testing for benzos when she is on klonopin? That confuses me considering klonopin is a benzo. She should show a benzo in her system not just clean for everything.
  5. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet, she is not on Klonopin. I posted at the time that the psychiatrist told her that they do not prescribe Klonopin to people in halfway houses. He added Lamictal to her medications so she is taking Celexa, Lamictal, and Trazadone.

    The director of the halfway house said that those are all okay to take. difficult child told me when we went to get her medications filled the other day that the people at the community health center said that they are not even providing benzos to anyone anymore.

    I don't know much about drugs so I may be naive. Should any of the above have shown up in the drug test?

  6. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    I was surprised to learn that some programs, including probation do not supervise a urine collection .. .. .. and guess what happens?
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child made a point of telling me that is was supervised. She had told me while she was here at Christmas about ways people get around the drug tests at the halfway house. She even asked me when she called after the drug test if I had told him what she had told me because this one was supervised. I had not said anything about it to the director when I talked to him.

    But I get the feeling from your responses and the lack of responses that y'all are not as hopeful as I am.

    I guess I am fooling myself.
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy there is every reason to be hopeful. I'm not sure why ctmom said that because I know her and she's very supportive so we must be interpreting it wrong.

    Your difficult child is doing great. Look at the difference in what she is saying now compared to weeks ago. All we have is hope. Call me naive but there are good people inside our difficult child's and when they are sober we can see them clearer.

  9. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    Kathy, I would go back and look at what Buddy and Nancy said - I think what they said was pretty right on.

    My comment was not meant to squash hope - I am new to learning about addiction via the experiences of a friend with an 18 year old son who has a problem.
  10. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Sounds like genuine progress to me, not bs ing you. Anytime they see that life is worth living sober is progress even if there is backsliding. Good for her, and glad that you get to enjoy some time of hope.
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Kathy It all sounds good. I am another mom that lets hope creep in. I think it is good to allow it when things are going well. I helps us be supportitive and positive toward our difficult child. My vote is as follows: Guard up? Yes. Hopeful? Yes
  12. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Kathy...definitely be hopeful....i would be....but keep your reality and caution going too.

    I dont think any of the drugs she is on are addictive or would show up on drug tests. I think it is a really good sign that the director was so positive.

  13. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I think you should be proud. I am learning to live in the moment with my very unstable difficult child. It makes all the horrible, no good, awful,no good days, just a little less horrid.
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds great, Kathy. I'm hoping 2012 will be the start of great things for your family. DDD
  15. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    By all means, be hopeful...and happy and proud. Have a great New Years Eve!
  16. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Such good news. It also sounds like the director is good at figuring out the clients there. Hope you have all good news from here on....and enjoy the manicures!
  17. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Absolutely you have reasons to be hopeful! These are all good things to watch happen.

    Yes, keep the guard up - because it really never does just go smoothly does it? But, you now have these moments in difficult children history to remind her of and reflect upon if anything should go sour for a few days. You can now say, "I remember how happy and proud of yourself you were on New Years Eve." It is a great reference for a shakier day - which is surely to come. It always does it seems - not just for your difficult child! It is just part of the process.
  18. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Sounds good to me!!!
    by the way, as a side note, our daughter and others I have known, shown nice improvement after getting on Lamictal / especially combined with therapy.
    Good thoughts/prayers headed your way.
  19. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Nomad!

    Nice to see you. My difficult child has only been on the Lamictal for a week but she says she already thinks that it is helping with her anxiety but it is making her very tired. I told her to give it a little while to see if her body adjusts.

    Thanks for the good thoughts!

  20. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    ~Kathy~ One thing I want to point out is that YOU did a great job of following through on your suspicions; this alone will speak volumes of your future expectations with regards to difficult child. I really hope that difficult child is finally coming through the other side and you'll be able to finally enjoy the prospect of her having a solid future!