What a vacation...not!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Jul 15, 2014.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    First of all, what an awful vacation. I will never use a summer vacation to visit family again.

    We busted our rears to get out of here on Thursday night to get there for Friday. There was another family gathering we wanted to make it to. That gathering ended up being canceled, but we went to my inlaws house Friday evening so they could meet Connor in a private setting before Saturday's festivities. That was really nice.

    The next day I met up with my mother, sister and brother. I cannot tell you the last time we were all together in one place. May have been when my dad died over ten years ago. My brother was just annoyed the whole time with other family members and spent the whole time selling me his website (it is a gaming website, nothing I would be into, but I swear he was trying to get me to buy stuff). My sister was fine, but started cleaning the pool while we were there. Really? I come up from Georgia once in a blue moon and you spend that time cleaning the pool?? My mother was just thrilled to be with us and meet Connor. Connor took an immediate liking to her...

    Later that day, we go to the bbq that we had planned on going to. While my husband was proudly showing Connor off to everyone, his sister and mother tell me that dad has been cheating on mom!! I had to scrape my jaw off the floor!!!!! These are people in their 70's and not doing well health wise. They have been married over 50 years - I thought they had the best marriage. I always looked up to them and we have always looked up to my father in law as a real stand up, honest guy and to find this out?? They tell me that mom found out before Christmas, but they didn't want to tell us on the phone. (So you tell us our first day of vacation????) They wanted me to tell husband and I said that was not my place and not the right time to drop that bomb. His sister insisted that he needed to know and that she would tell him. She said she would tell him on another day. Next thing I know, she is outside telling him at the family gathering. Talk about putting a damper on the entire trip. We are just so angry and disappointed in him. We couldn't even look at him. He is denying having an affair - says they are just friends. BS. You are not married over 50 years and have a friend of the opposite sex that your wife has no clue about. Apparently, he left mom a voicemail and thought he hung up the phone. He didn't. Mom overheard a woman saying "I thought you told your wife you would be at so and so place." I am SO heartbroken for her!! I cannot even imagine the pain of finding this out so late in life. :(

    The waterpark was a blast. Connor was just so adorable and seeing the joy in his little face is the memory I am holding on to!! I have a picture of him in his little wolf ears that is the cutest!! :)

    BUT, dear ex-difficult child showed her old difficult child self on vacation. I can't even describe it. She was a miserable, negative B the whole time. Everything was a complaint. husband and I were going NUTS and thought we would choke her by the end of the week. She is not doing drugs, she does not do anything illegal, does not lie, steal, etc but sometimes she can just get that ATTITUDE. UGH. Like PMS on steroids. husband literally pulled the car over and considered kicking her out of it. Only reason he didn't was Connor. She had confessed to me earlier in the week that she quit her job before we left for vacation. I asked her how she did it and she told me that she did not go in that last day and when they called her, she told them she could not physically handle the job. Which we knew she couldn't, she was coming home absolute junk every day to the point that she couldn't take care of Connor. One night she was in bed crying with leg cramps from dehydration. It is a manufacturing plant and they do not allow them water breaks. They have mostly immigrants working there - they work them like dogs for minimum wage. Apparently they have a hard time keeping people working there. But we told her to find another job first before she left this one. She regrets it badly now, but too late. She burned that bridge...dumb move. I told her to find another second shift job. I will go back to babysitting at night. That way, there are no strangers taking care of Connor, no daycare to pay, and we all got along better when she worked nights...lol. Besides, I really miss that time I had with him each night while she was at work.

    We were all just miserable, cut the vacation short and went home. Once we got home? Everyone back to normal and getting along. WTH?? I am thinking we just cannot go on vacation together. I told husband that we should consider going on a vacation alone next year - NO kids. We never had a honeymoon. But he feels funny leaving the kids behind (they will be 22 and 18 next year - really??). I think we deserve it!!! I am not giving up on that idea yet. I hear the Virgin Islands calling our name...

    One thing is for sure, we will never use a summer vacation to visit family again. We will keep to Thanksgivings every other year...if we do not vacation alone next year, we will go to the beach and get the beach house again in Hilton Head!

    And I am finding that living with your adult children is very difficult. Even when they are not being a difficult child...
  2. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Wow I think it must have been a normal thing for vacations last week. Ours was miserable too.

    Hopefully you guys can get away alone next time and actually relax.
  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Ugh - I feel for you.

    I need a vacation in the worst way - I am practically begging husband for one. We've done a few weekends away but mos involve family occasions. I just want 10 days somewhere WARM - with time to unpack before I have to repack to leave; maybe even enough time away to actually "miss" being home.

    Not gonna happen :-(
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I am dragging him somewhere this weekend....just don't know where, yet. We can leave for one night - thinking Helen or Gatlinburg...we need time alone after all of that BS to refresh!

    (Maybe we will sneak off to Dollywood without the kids!)
  5. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    husband and I are doing the same thing. Just one or two nights away from difficult child. Thankfully easy child is visiting the grands (both sides) for the next two weeks.
  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Please rattle beads, chicken bones, etc....lol. She has an interview today at a Shell gas station near the house! :)
  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    She got it!!! He said he would be calling her today or tomorrow to discuss pay and hours. :D
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Great news on the job!

    by the way we went to HiltonHead every year for many years. Had to take a break when the kids' summer activities got in t he way. But we went last year, just husband and me, and had a great time. Didn't make it this year but really want to go next.
  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I LOVE HHI!!!!! I am trying to convince husband to go on vacation without kids next year but if I can't, we are most definitely going back to Hilton Head!! We rent a three story beachhouse - the top floor is the master with our own bathroom and balcony - heaven... :)
  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Which plantation? We always stay on Palmetto Dunes.
  11. autinjohnson

    autinjohnson New Member

    Last year myself with my Family went to my Uncle house in San Francisco,we had a great time over there because i went to the beautiful city for the first time.
  12. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    We stay in Seascape in North Forest Beach - right near Coligny Plaza. :)
  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I know it well. Of couse the island is only 12 miles long so I know just about every place well by now, we've been going for 30 years. Kids loved going to Coligny Plaza. There is a resaturant near there called Stellini's which has the best Italian food I've even had. We usually go there on our last night in HH and at least one other time. Gosh you are making mee want to be there. I still have the HH weather on my cell phone.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry the vacation was so miserable. I think we had maybe 1 or 2 trips that were not to visit family the entire time I was growing up. I think every single one had some sort of big fight or drama and only one was considered a huge success! Sometimes having everyone together is not the dream we want it to be.

    As for difficult child, her job sounds like it was awful. When many fo the workers are illegal, the conditions tend to be very abusive. I realize it is hard to not have another job, but quitting is still likely to have been the right thing for her, esp as water breaks were not allowed. That does some truly awful things to your body. Her body is still recovering from the stress of her addiction. working long hours without water actually could have caused serious damage to her after the problems caused by her drug use. It very well cuold be that by following her instincts to quit at that point, she avoided serious long term harm to her body. She just should have told you up front. I hope the new job is much better and that she is safe while she is there.

    She could have been hard to get along iwth on this trip due to extreme anxiety about how the relatives would treat her. That can be super scary for someone who has had a major addiction and is seeing the extended family for the first time, esp seeing them all together on a trip away from the safety and security of her home and routine. I am glad that she is back to herself after the trip. It had to take a LOT of courage to go and see all the family on a big trip.

    I hope your next vacation is happier and more fun!