What a week--he missed school again and now he's at the beach

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Sep 10, 2010.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Only because we had a family vacation planned, and I had to spend so much time with-him when he was sick, grumpy, and undermedicated, I thought we would kill one another yesterday. So I am enjoying a kid- and husband-free evening at home! Woo hoo!
    Thiis is what the dr ordered.
    Except I caught difficult child's cold.
    I hope I don't get a sinus infection like he has, too.
    This is the third yr he's been sick at the beginning of the school yr. Seems he's got allergies that kick into a cold and/or migraine or sinus infection.
    I pushed and pushed to get him to go to school. He snuck onto the computer, he was restless, clearly ready to go back. Then he woke up and it was back to square one. Just because mornings are awful when you're sick.
    I picked up his homework at school so he can do it Sunday.

    So, how do I motivate this kid? Even when he's not sick he's so lackadaisical it drives me nuts. I'm wondering if we should up his Imiprimene. Granted, he only got half yesterday, because he and husband lost the last one when it fell from his hand (I picked up a new scrip), but I still think he's unmotivated. I'm thinking just 10 more mg. I will talk to the psychiatrist on Tues.

    After difficult child was a JERK yesterday, he was better today, and expressed surprise and dismay when he found out I wasn't going along overnight to the beach. When they left, he gave me a hug and told me he loved me. Go figure.

    I have a really hard time bouncing back that fast. But we've all typed so many notes on this topic, I won't repeat mysef.

    I'm having wine and cheese and taking Vit C and reading poetry and sleeping a lot and not setting my alarm clock.

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Terry, how old is difficult child now? Does he get an allowance? I think if I had it to do all over again knowing now what I know now about MY difficult child, I would have worked out some sort of incentive program. As Dr. Phil says, find their currency. Cory's was money. I honestly believe if I would have paid him even a nominal amount of money for appropriate compliance as an immediate reward, he would have performed better. I tried the long term thing of 10 bucks for an A, 5 bucks for a B but that was too long term. I think if I had done something more immediate. Say...a dollar a day for no trouble in school and doing work. It would have been well worth my money! Some may say a bribe, I say more like a paycheck!
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    That's a good idea.
    Our tutor last yr offered $100 for an A in math.
    It didn't work. It was too long-term.
    He's 13-1/2.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so glad you are getting a well deserved break!! Enjoy the cheese, wine, and poetry. I'm glad you don't have to set your alarm clock. Hugs.
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member


    good for you, taking care of you is soo important. try drinking some apple cidar vinegar also mixed with-a little water it's a cure all especially for sinus infection's or any colds, upper respitory.

    i would do same monetary works well, or did for me with-easy child when she was that age.

    hope you have great quiet time.
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Terry, we have various reward schemes (aka bribery, but I have no shame) surrounding schoolwork.

    difficult child 3 gets a worksheet per subject per week. If he completes one worksheet within one day, he earns half a credit. A second worksheet, he gets a seconf halfcredit. A third - he earns a full credit.

    Work done on u=interrupted days or days away from home - that work can get added onto the next adjacent school day. So if on Day 1 (at home) he has completed two worksheets and done half of another, and he completes the other one next day when we have to also go out to see a doctor, he gets a full credit for the one he completed on Day 2.

    difficult child 3 cashes in those credits. Originally I was buying him a bag of lollies per credit. Then he decided he wanted a computer game, but one game was the equivalent of six bags of lollies. So he banks his credits.

    Another reward scheme we use, is Mum Time reward. He earns fifteen minutes of my playing a computer game with him, for certain achievements. Originally it was for a meltdown-free day. Meltdowns were defined as having to be sent to his room. Currently he earns game time for getting to bed before 11.30 pm. He cashes in game time by asking me to spend time with him playing a computer game. It's a non-material reward, us spending time together.

    It helps.

  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Good ideas.
    I will try to put something in place. I am getting sick of his only reward being computer, computer, computer. :(
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    No medications will make an unmotivated child motivated unless he was depressed (which itself makes one lack motivation). However, I found money is a GREAT motivator for my spectrum son. He LOVES getting money...lol. I don't have enough to give him $100 for each good grade, but if he knows he will get $20, he's ecstatic and works harder.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, he still owes us quite a bit for something he broke a while back, so he's been getting new computer games by turning in the old ones. (Which he should have been doing all along.) My cousin gives him money occasionally. This wk she gave him a stuffed animal ladybug that you can use with a computer game and it was everything I could do not to roll my eyes. (She gave me a little dog for the dashboard. Sigh.) difficult child saw the toys and said, "I want the ladybug!"
    Go figure.

    He gets very agitated and angry when he misses either his Imiprimene or his Concerta (doG help us if he ever misses both) and I know that anger is a sign of depression, so that may be a big part of it. All I know is that he will not communicate with-o shouting, and will not do any homework when he's off his medications.
    On the rare occasions when he has tried, because I bribed him, he ended up in tears. He's getting to the point where he can finally put into words what it's like in his mind and that is very helpful.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The simple reason I say money is that I noticed a radical and drastic change when Cory started working for real. That simple act of earning money made a HUGE difference in his attitude, it also made him crash downward when he doesnt have a job. I mean who jumps up and down to wash dishes and make dough? He does. You would have thought Donald Trump himself had hired him.
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm not above bribery. I just can't make it work on a daily basis. Yet.