What are his options?

[BusynMember]

Has anyone ever suggested that maybe your son has Aspergers? To me, when I first read about him, I admit I thought you just spoiled him silly. But now, with his degree of anxiety and the feeling that pot helps him (maybe because he is insecure socially?) I wonder if he is an Aspie. I can't see bipolar making anybody afraid to drive. But my Aspie son is getting his license this year and he's very timid about it. In comparison, my normal thirteen year old daughter already can't wait to get out there and drive and she's always with her friends while my son doesn't really have close friends that he sees outside of school. He is going to need some help as an adult, in spite of being bright. My son doesn't seem to want to grow up and be independent. The thought seems to frighten him, at least now (he's sixteen). Most sixteen year olds can't wait to get out on their own, but we know L. won't be that way and we're ready for it. On the other hand, L. is afraid of weed too, however some Aspies do use it.

Psychiatrists aren't perfect. Many don't "get" Aspergers and misdiagnose it as bipolar. In that case, bipolar medications wouldn't help him.

Just a thought

 

[CAmom]

Witz and Suz...I agree...this is why we're going to someone who doesn't know anything about him. His pediatrician neurologist, the person he's seen and been treated by since age 5, (and who is highly respected in our community) really seems to enjoy and get a kick out of our son, I think maybe because he reminds him of himself many years ago. I've always been happy that he seems to relate well to my son and enjoy "sparring" with him, but, at the same time, I've had had some niggling doubts that he's not as objective as we might like.

In any case, we're going to start fresh and see what shakes down. My son told me today that, when he was in the group home, he was given something that helped him more than anything else, including marijuana. He can't remember the name, but, whatever it was, it allowed him the "calm" he's been looking for yet allowed him to graduate from high school with a 3.5 GPA.

 

[CAmom]

MW, no, no one has ever suggested Asperger's...my son is extremely social and outgoing, more so than I would have wished at times, but he has always had low self-esteem, for some unknown reason, but we've always tried our best to encourage him in everything he's expressed any interest in.

As far as the driving, when he was 12, he and my husband, his dad, were headed towards the slopes for a ski day, and they hit black ice and spun out. Neither he nor my husband was hurt, but their vechicle spun, landing them in the opposite direction with four flat tires and other damage to the truck. For at least a year after that, he was absolutely terrified of being in any vehicle going more than 25 MPH or so, even when we were back home on the coast of California where it NEVER snows! It got to the point where we thought we'd need to get him some help for a full-blown phobia since he would literally go into panic mode if he saw anything resembling snow on the side of the road. This happened eight years ago, and he admits that he's never really felt comfortable on a freeway since then.

And, MW, you're right, we HAVE spoiled him silly, and there are
SO many things I would have done differently if I had them to do over again, but, in my heart, I still don't think this accounts for all of his issues.

When he was 5 and ADHD was suspected, we took him to a psychiatrist who diagnosed an anxiety disorder, at that time manifest as separation anxiety from me. I have a suspicion that that hasn't changed much over the years, even though I've been a stay-at-home mom since he was born and came home to us at just a couple of days old, and my husband and I have basically devoted ourselves to him since then.

 

[witzend]

My son told me today that, when he was in the group home, he was given something that helped him more than anything else, including marijuana. He can't remember the name, but, whatever it was, it allowed him the "calm" he's been looking for yet allowed him to graduate from high school with a 3.5 GPA.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I seem to remember him talking about that to you before. Or was that someone else with acne medicine... Sorry. It all runs together anymore. Is there any way to get ahold of his records from the group home and see what it was? It might help with a more definitive diagnosis.

 

[rejectedmom]

CAmom, I do think that it is a good idea to start out fresh with a new doctor and a new evaluation. I also agree that you should not bring his past records into the new evaluation. I am hoping to do the same with my son a fresh look can be benificial especially when the past history is so muddled and confusing.

I have a niece who is beautiful and smart but has a social anixety disorder. She sought help as an adult because she couldn't cope with college and gave up and moved back home after one semester. Then dhe would panic at interviews and couldn't get a job. She has friends but when in a social situation like a family gathering she doesn't speak at all unless spoken to and then only gives one word answers. She was not like this as a little girl, it is like she grew into it. She got some therapy and with encouragement from her mother and father applied for a government job as a secratary. She is now working and doing OK but still so quiet and withdrawn unless she has a drink or two (not something she does much) She is engaged to a man who is very willing to speak for her and it is somewhat worrisome to me but she seems Ok with it and that is what matters I guess.

So yes, a social anxiety disorder can be crippling and can stop a person from achieving their potential. There are medications and therapies that can help with this and hopefully your son will find a mix that will work for him. Wishing you and your difficult child much success and energy in the comming months. -RM

 

[GoingNorth]

I have social anxiety and yes, it can be crippling. I've had it since I was in my tweens. medications didn't help with it, nor did alcohol. What did help was working with a good therapist.

I still have issues but I can now chat with a cashier at the store or similar without my gut knotting up. At one time I had it so bad that husband sometimes found himself dealing with shopping and the like so I didn't have to deal with it.

I managed to hold down a good career for years, but I always worked "off" shifts where I had to deal with few if any co-workers.

I'm still "shy" in person (not that you could tell with the way I blather on here, LoL), but I manage.

I think, in all honesty, that therapy might be the best help for this.

 

[CAmom]

Wow...a social anxiety problem sounds like it must be VERY difficult to deal with!

I don't think my son's anxiety is related to the usual social issues though...he is and always has been extremely outgoing. When he comes out to find a stranger in our home, whether it be a guest or service person, he's right there with his hand outstretched to shake and a give a polite greeting. He's always been able to talk to adults, children his own age, and younger children without any problems.

His anxiety seems to be more related to a lack of self-confidence which results in frustration when it comes to moving from any particular Step A to Step C when Step B means some mental or intellectual effort is required...physically, he doesn't seem to have a problem. I don't understand this because his IQ is at least average. He's had the same problem since he was in Kindergarten when pot and medications were not contributing factors, so I can't believe they play much of a part. Whether or not this is a lack of motivation, which I don't really believe, or his nature, or a combination of both...I hope this upcoming evaluation can clarify.

What I'm sure of, however, is that whatever the underlying cause of his anxiety is, his own seeming determination; the amount of support and encouragement we, his coaches, and his peers have always given him; and the various prescribed and non-prescribed drugs haven't seemed to have made much of a difference.