What are you proud of regarding your parenting?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jun 13, 2016.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    And we ALL should feel like posting here. Good parenting doesn't promise perfect kids. We are good parents or we wouldn't be here. What do you look back on and feel proud about? Or are happy that you did?

    Ok. So it's not as easy as putting down what we think we did wrong, but all of us remember good parenting situations...ill try to start.

    Ok, so I'm glad I got to be home and enjoy my kids all day and after school. I don't think it is wrong or bad or injurious to children for parents to work. There are pluses to that. I am personally glad I didn't and that my house was House to be at on the block. Bart and Princess look back on those days fondly. It was fun for me too so maybe it didn't help my kids as much as being a good memory. For me too.

    I did not call the kids names. My own mother called me names so I was very mindful of that. I tried not to yell. I did not always succeed. I always apologised if I felt I'd been wrong. I was patient and tolerant, maybe the two things I did best??

    I still end every interaction with everyone I care about with "I love you."

    I can't think of anything else right now. You???
  2. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member


    My son can never say he wasn't given affection. From rocking him to sleep when he was a baby to snuggling up to read to him in grade school, to clear up to about age 14 when he was still willing to sit and watch our favorite TV show, he was snuggled and hugged. I really, really miss the snuggles.

    I don't know if "proud" is the right word. But I know it was right.
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  3. UKMummy

    UKMummy Member

    I loved the snuggles too. I was an affectionate Mum. Always able to tell each other we loved each other. I have never been able to do that with my Mum.
    The thing I'm most proud of and consciously did, was to ensure they respected difference. We talked a lot about religion and race and sexuality. Accepting everyone with no judgement.
    One of my proudest moments was my Difficult Child running in from the garden, aged no more than 8 or 9 and declaring that he wasn't going to play with our neighbours child anymore because he was a racist and that wasn't right.
    He is very moral when it comes to this and I know exactly where he gets it from. I love that.
    When he was 15 I met a woman and fell in love (I didn't see it coming) All of my children including Difficult Child have been completely accepting. I raised them to know this wasn't wrong. Not why I did it but it came in handy !
    What I would give for a day with them as little ones again.
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  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    UK Mom, good for you and your kids. I forgot about that. My kids are also against judging. Once a youth preacher bashed gays and my teen
    daughter stood up, probably shocking everyone, and called him a bigot, gave him a piece of her mind, and was thrown out. She said,"You can't throw me out. I'm leaving!" She called me and I picked her up, very proud of her. I would never had had the guts.

    We have a diverse family, another thing that we all have enjoyed. I have an Asian daughter and two kids who are black and part black. So they have all grown up very tolerant of others. People never knew what to make of us when we went out to eat on Mothers Day. I also have a biological son who is Caucasian.

    When Princess was in Cosmetology school she tried to explain our family to a classmate but didn't say anyone was adopted "I have a Caucasian brother, a black brother, a biracial sister and another Asian brother." Her friend looked shocked then said,"No offense, but your mother is a ho!" :highvoltage:
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    Last edited: Jun 13, 2016
  5. Carri

    Carri Active Member

    I like this topic. You're right, we're all good parents or we wouldn't be here on this forum. I always showed and told my kids that I loved them. I still do, whenever I can. We had lots fun times; beach outings, built forts out of blankets, friends were always welcome over, weekend choc chip pancakes, road trips to their cousins, the list could go on and on. Just good simple, loving fun. I volunteered in their classrooms, gave them fun birthday parties and made the cake of their choosing. All of this is a part of who my son is. It's there with him in his soul and maybe it will somehow play a part in him seeking recovery one day.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    We went by the baby and not by the book... even when they became adults. That meant major changes to "our" lives, because we had a kid who could NOT handle being out past bedtime. It was still the right thing to do.

    Life is more than school. Outside of SCHOOL, expose them to things that interest them even remotely, and see where it goes. Music. Art. Choir. Band. Drama. The trades. Farming. Individual sports. Volunteering. Whatever else is in your "values" list.

    Don't "put" your kid in activities. Be there. Make it something you enjoy together - even if you're just in the fan section. It enables conversations around all sorts of side issues that come up - like racism, bigotry, ego, handling defeat, handling criticism, handling winning, managing pressure...

    Spend time, one on one, with each kid as an individual, outside of the home and away from the rest of the family. Get to know them as people. Go to a coffee shop, or ice cream shop, every week or two. And go whether they have been good or not. This is not a reward. This is dedicated alone time as part of their development.

    Go to garage sales. Check out thrift stores and antique shops and Mr. Fix-it shops. Buy used cars and used furniture and used clothes. Buy something used that you can't afford to buy new, like a good quality bread machine, or brand-name clothes. Help them understand quality, and value for money. There is a time and place for new - and for used.

    Teach them to cook and bake, read recipes, measure, make a half or double recipe. Make things that THEY like. At some point in their life they will live alone and will need it. But its also a rewarding activity. Do it right, and you have something good to enjoy.

    Teach them to enjoy and use "down time". What do you do with an "extra" half an hour before leaving for a swimming lesson. Read. Play an instrument. Research a fun project. Knit. Tidy up a bit. It's a learned skill.

    Always say good bye. Even if you're just going to the corner store for milk. Life is uncertain, and if something unimaginable were to happen, it's always better if you have touched base before leaving.
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  7. bluebell

    bluebell Member

    Always ate together as a family.

    Snuggles and hugs.

    Vacations, incredible birthdays and christmases that I never had growing up.

    Put in a pool for the kids, all children were welcome. Snacks and towels provided. (This backfired but I still have the younger years memories).

    Never burdened my children with my problems with husband like my mom did. And there were many. (We're ok now).

    Took them to church.

    I worked from home and flexible hours to suit their schedules.

    A whole lot more - just basic parenting stuff- but still stuff that other parents didn't do and now their kids are A-ok. I really thought I had it together!
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  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    During a very bleak period when it was just Miss KT and me - I had just been let go from a job I really didn't like, had bought a house three months before that, ineligible for public assistance because my 10 year old car (that I bought used) was fully paid for, only $300 a month in child support, and wanted to go back to school for my teaching credential, knowing it would be a year or more before I would be working full time again...

    Miss KT learned to shop clearance racks and end caps. At the age of 5, she was explaining to her grandmother that "all the good stuff is on the end caps."

    Miss KT learned that creating Halloween costumes out of assorted pieces from Goodwill is more fun than buying a costume, and the costume looks cooler, anyway.

    Miss KT learned that ice cream for dinner, when it is still over 100 degrees outside, is perfectly acceptable every so often.

    Miss KT learned that you need to finish something you start. She wanted to try dance, sports, gymnastics, everything - and I told her she HAD to either finish the season or do the activity for six months, because she would have enough information then to decide if she wanted to quit or not.

    Miss KT learned that it was all right to fight back. As long as she wasn't the instigator, and she didn't throw the first punch, I wouldn't be upset if the school called saying she'd been in a fight. And they did.

    Miss KT learned to work and to do the stuff that needed to be done. She learned to suck it up and deal with it when things didn't go exactly as planned. She also learned to figure things out and keep working at it till you DO get pretty much what you want.
  9. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I was loving, too.

    I fought very hard for my son, every step of the way. I think that is why it was so hard when I thought he turned against me. I was wrong to think that. He just could not love me in the same way as he did before. Of course he could not. He became a man.

    Not many single mothers especially very ambitious ones would have adopted a baby who had had my son's difficult start. I forget that, sometimes, but I do not think my son does. Out of all of the infants in the world, and in eternity I picked my son. He knows that. And so do I. I needed him. I would never have wanted to finish my life without him in it. He was my reason for being. The best thing I ever did was recognize this.

    So, to me, the best thing I did as a parent was to see my destiny, to have the courage to accept it and to go from there. All the rest was just holding on for the ride.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    KT, good for you!

    I was determined to teach my kids to value the simple things in life rather than materialism and expensive toys. We did garage sales together forever and thrift shops. They loved them. When they were teens, they got part time jobs at 16 and paid for their part of the car insurance, gas, and name brand clothes if they wanted more than I felt one should spend on clothes. And they drove my car. No cars handed to them.

    In the end, I have three very non materialistic adult kids and one who loves expensive everything and buys his kid $300 shoes. Oh well. Three out of four ain't bad :)

    They all have good work ethics. This is one area under feel I did right. They worked for everything and really did not complain about it. Even as teen girls, Princess loved to shop at Goodwill and Jumper was and is a dress down kind of kid. Sonic doesn't care. Bart does, but he can afford it too.

    I'm proud of all of them because these kids don't quit working hard. They are not intellectually gifted, except for Bart, but they really all try very hard and it shows.
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Our kids didn't have grandparents so I was big on fun holiday and family traditions. They are adults now and it is obvious to us how much this meant to them. Certain foods, little habits, annual routines.....the use of certain special decorations etc. Our son is doing this in his own new family.

    We had a housekeeper every other week. I kept a calendar and on the alternate week was "cleaning day." It wasn't exactly the same, but the kids had to clean their rooms and do certain chores before they got their allowance. I tried to teach them we were fortunate to have help every other week, but to not clean up after ourselves would be a sign of ungrateful -ness and laziness.

    We read a novel together. Don't wish to say which one. It was a big thick book. Every weekend for a long time, for perhaps an hour or so, we each took turns reading a page or two out loud. Eventually the book was done. Satisfying.

    For a period of time we took the same summer vacation to the same (fun) place. NOT ideal, but because Difficult Child was a pain, this kept her calmer. It ended up being good. At least we got to travel a little. (One year another family and their kids went with us! Tons of fun!)

    For a period of time when the kids were little, I hired two babysitters so d h and I could have a brief date night. Difficult daughter was too tough on one. Expensive! Worth it and smart. Might have taught them something indirectly.

    I worked PT and later got a Masters Degree. I did this a little on the late side. I wish I did more of these things. We did stress studying and education which was esp helpful to our son.

    We did a lot of reading together, esp in the summer. In fact, I would often review skills in the summer so they started school in a good place .

    I wish we had done more in retrospect. But, we had no family help, I was often sick and in retrospect it is amazing we did all that we did. When Difficult Child came onto the scene it was like a bomb had exploded in our lives.
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    Last edited: Jun 14, 2016
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I exposed my kids to different cultures and beliefs. They were told and shown that they were loved everyday. There interests were explored. Like every parent on this board.....I did the best I could.
  13. TheWalrus

    TheWalrus I Am The Walrus

    Independence. I taught her how to be independent, not to rely on anyone else, and to believe in herself. I always encouraged her to be confident and proud of herself and her accomplishments.

    Travel. I took her places I never saw as a child, gave her experiences with other people, cultures, ways of living. We made amazing family memories on those trips.

    Education. I always put such a high value on education, and how important it is to not just be opinionated but informed. And she is brilliant. No matter what, for good or bad (as she sometimes uses it against people), she is amazing smart and intuitive.

    Security and stability. She never went to bed and worried if I would be here, what the expectations were, or her boundaries. I was never wishy-washy and she always knew there were consequences tied to choices. There was never a "today I can get away with it" but "maybe tomorrow I can't."

    Love and laughter. Always tied together, the ability to be silly and ridiculous and just have fun and enjoy each other, even if everyone looked at us like we were loons. There has never been a conversation, no matter how ugly, that I didn't end with "I love you." No matter what happens, I want her to know that never changes.

    Time. Because of my job I got A LOT of time with her, and involved her in things that interested her, taught her responsibility, teamwork, and sportsmanship. I was always her biggest cheerleader in whatever she did, whether academically or elective.

    I guess I did more than I thought...
  14. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    My husband and I had a loving marriage so my son never saw us argue or fight.
    He was the apple of our eye because our other children were 8 and 9 when he was born.
    We took him everyplace with us and did everything together or as a family.
    Vacations, holidays, etc.
    He would sit so close to me when we were on the couch that I'd have to make him move over a bit; very affectionate; went both ways
    I am sure he has very fond memories of his childhood.
    It wasn't perfect but it was great!