What came first? The chicken or the egg?

[AppleCori]

No, for the most part they all launched at a normal age (if by launch, you mean left home at a reasonable age.

 

[BusynMember]

I have lots of step-siblings who have lots of kids and grandkids, most of whom are low-income (sibs and their adult kids) and quite a few of them have a very entitled attitude.

Well, it would have to be a different type of entitled, I'd think. If parents can't afford to buy toys for their kids, then they can't expect parents to support them in apartments and buy them cars and fancy cell phones.There were always people who felt entitled. But your can't squeeze blood from a turnip. If the family has no money to give them, I am not sure that they are doing the same things that our over indulged kids do.

To A Dad, most adult kids do not suffer from failure to launch, but most of the adult kids here do have that problem. it is normal and natural for teens to fight for more independence and to enjoy it as they grow older. But, remember, this is a site for conduct disordered young adults and many don't want to launch.

 

[TheWalrus]

Entitlement isn't always money. Sometimes they feel entitled to invade your home any time they please without contributing to the household, and even creating chaos and tension while they are there. Sometimes they feel entitled to disrespecting their parents, blaming them for their own failures, and placing the responsibility of all they don't have on their parents. Sometimes they feel entitled to their parents "handling" their affairs - finding resources for them, filling out paperwork, smoothing over problems. Sometimes they feel entitled to leaving their children with their parents and expecting them to care for them.

Entitlement comes in many forms, A Dad, not just money. And it comes in any classes, not just upper or middle class. Just because kids didn't grow up with a new car, the latest phone, etc. doesn't mean they don't feel a sense of entitlement.

 

[A dad]

No, for the most part they all launched at a normal age (if by launch, you mean left home at a reasonable age.

So how are they entilted do they do any of the things TheWalrus says or its like I deserve a better job or a better car or a better home without the work put in to it?

 

[BusynMember]

Walrus made a good point. That could be a form of entitlement too. But just like all entitlement expectations, they have to learn that life isn't fair and t hey can't always get what they want. They will find out soon enough that they will not get a better job, a home or a car without putting their own sweat into it unless we hand it to them. They may get angry at us for not handing them OUR hard work, but I feel it makes them face reality. If they want to sit around and pout, that's on them. There is no money in pouting. My own opinion is to let t hem pout elsewhere than in our homes.
JMO

 

[AppleCori]

Whether high, middle, or low income, many people have a difficulty saying "no" to their kids (this includes adult as well as minor kids). In the excellent book 'Compass' which was a recommendation by our friend Cedar, its says something about people doing things for their kid's smiles rather than their best interests. This applies here.

Many put themselves in a precarious financial position to give their kids what they feel the kids deserve (whether they can afford it or not).

You would be surprised at what my step-sibs have given to their kids and grandkids in terms of 'stuff', housing, cell phones, cars and other things. Much more than anything my hubby and I have given ours, and we could (theoretically speaking) afford it. They can't. That's one of the many reasons why they never get ahead (the ones that fall into this pattern, not all of them).

I remember a conversation a couple of years ago in which one of my brothers was telling my hubby what he should be doing for his Difficult Child sons. This brother is in such a terrible financial position right now that they many never recover.

 

[InsaneCdn]

That's one of the many reasons why they never get ahead (the ones that fall into this pattern, not all of them).

On the flip side of this...
This statement is one that my FOO would make about me.

On the other hand... the things we are doing for and with our challenged kids (one just into "adulthood" the other not there yet)... are right now the difference between life and death. The school system destroyed two kids. The mental health system provides no support and no answers. We had a choice. Spend the rest of our lives with $$ and no kids, or spend the rest of our lives with no $$, and probably save at least one of the kids.

I know - not everyone who puts finances on the line is doing what we are doing, or for the same reasons. Most don't even have a challenging kid. But... we now have both kids involved in expensive interests (different for each kid - no overlap at all). AND are seeing significant improvements on mental health. And behavior. And attitude.

We have (like many here) absolutely zero support from anybody. No respite, no friendly uncles and aunts and cousins to hang with, no friends who care about us or our kids. It all falls to us, and to whatever dollars we can muster.

 

[AppleCori]

Walrus has a great explanation on entitlement, and I would say yes, to both what she said, and also what you said about them feeling that they deserve more than they have.

 

[AppleCori]

Insane, I would agree that it is worth it if we are truly saving our kids and investing in their mental health, physical health, future, etc.

That is not what I am talking about, where my step-siblings are concerned. I am talking about 'stuff'.

And I am there for them, especially the brother that I described earlier. In fact I just sent him a check.

Probably shouldn't have, but I did.