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What did y'all tell people after...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 165304" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>We haven't had problems specific to "where is your child? I haven't seen him/her in a while..." but I did have problems with friends at church and in the area, who were accustomed to being let into our lives (and discussing it with other friends) who I had to suddenly freeze out, especially where it concerned me, my health, my employment and my kids. In fact, everything blew up coinciding with a church retreat for which I had been registered; I attended the beginning of the first night to tell people, "I am sorry but I cannot attend this weekend. I care about you all and wish you all well, just as I know you all care about me and my family. However, it has come to my attention that innocent information about me and/or my family is being used as currency. As a result I am having to clamp down on all information especially to do with our health and our finances. I know none of you would deliberately choose to gossip, but I do know that people here have been pumped for information. Therefore I am protecting you all from this by no longer disclosing anything. Please do not take this as a lack of trust on my part; instead, please realise I am trying to protect you from being used in this way by persons who for their own reasons wish to do mischief. You no longer need to guard what you say, because I will guard it for you. Thank you for hearing me, and I hope you all have a really productive weekend together."</p><p></p><p>Since that time I have slowly learned who I can confide in (ever so slightly) and now have a small circle (like, about three people) that I know I can trust. If anyone else asks me something, I either hedge, or I remind them that certain topics are off-limits because I prefer to not talk about certain things; or, if they should know better AND i know they can't keep their mouths shut, then I am happy to lie.</p><p></p><p>A lot of the time the people who seem to like to gossip can be easily distracted by asking them about themselves. </p><p></p><p>Example:</p><p></p><p>Gossip: Hi, Marg! I haven't seen you in ages? How are you all going?</p><p></p><p>Marg: Lovely to see you darling! How is everybody? How's the arthritis, I heard you were having trouble with it?</p><p></p><p>And then they're off and racing, totally missing that I never answered their question.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Then there's the family gossip queen, the one who sees you across a crowded room at a party, makes a beeline in your direction and almost skewers you to the wall with her nose quivering for gossip. "How are you? I haven't seen you in ages. You must have so much that has been happening! I want you to tell me all about it."</p><p>And you know you won't get away without giving them information.</p><p></p><p>That is especially when you need to feel free to lie. Be outrageous. Not so outrageous that the gossip realises, but outrageous enough so that when she passes on the info, her listeners will realise it's all bunkum.</p><p></p><p>So with your missing son - tell the more determined gossips that you sold him to a laboratory for scientific experimentation (apologies to Monty Python's "Meaning of Life"), or that NASA have him in a top-secret program for a preliminary Mars landing project, before they use real astronauts.</p><p></p><p>Alternatively, go with what Witz suggested - enough of the truth to shut them up, with a statement along the lines of, "I don't want to talk about this again."</p><p></p><p>Use whatever you feel safe with, whatever works for you.</p><p></p><p>After all, it's your life, you have to live with everything that is happening to you, you should have the right to keep things quiet if you choose to.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 165304, member: 1991"] We haven't had problems specific to "where is your child? I haven't seen him/her in a while..." but I did have problems with friends at church and in the area, who were accustomed to being let into our lives (and discussing it with other friends) who I had to suddenly freeze out, especially where it concerned me, my health, my employment and my kids. In fact, everything blew up coinciding with a church retreat for which I had been registered; I attended the beginning of the first night to tell people, "I am sorry but I cannot attend this weekend. I care about you all and wish you all well, just as I know you all care about me and my family. However, it has come to my attention that innocent information about me and/or my family is being used as currency. As a result I am having to clamp down on all information especially to do with our health and our finances. I know none of you would deliberately choose to gossip, but I do know that people here have been pumped for information. Therefore I am protecting you all from this by no longer disclosing anything. Please do not take this as a lack of trust on my part; instead, please realise I am trying to protect you from being used in this way by persons who for their own reasons wish to do mischief. You no longer need to guard what you say, because I will guard it for you. Thank you for hearing me, and I hope you all have a really productive weekend together." Since that time I have slowly learned who I can confide in (ever so slightly) and now have a small circle (like, about three people) that I know I can trust. If anyone else asks me something, I either hedge, or I remind them that certain topics are off-limits because I prefer to not talk about certain things; or, if they should know better AND i know they can't keep their mouths shut, then I am happy to lie. A lot of the time the people who seem to like to gossip can be easily distracted by asking them about themselves. Example: Gossip: Hi, Marg! I haven't seen you in ages? How are you all going? Marg: Lovely to see you darling! How is everybody? How's the arthritis, I heard you were having trouble with it? And then they're off and racing, totally missing that I never answered their question. Then there's the family gossip queen, the one who sees you across a crowded room at a party, makes a beeline in your direction and almost skewers you to the wall with her nose quivering for gossip. "How are you? I haven't seen you in ages. You must have so much that has been happening! I want you to tell me all about it." And you know you won't get away without giving them information. That is especially when you need to feel free to lie. Be outrageous. Not so outrageous that the gossip realises, but outrageous enough so that when she passes on the info, her listeners will realise it's all bunkum. So with your missing son - tell the more determined gossips that you sold him to a laboratory for scientific experimentation (apologies to Monty Python's "Meaning of Life"), or that NASA have him in a top-secret program for a preliminary Mars landing project, before they use real astronauts. Alternatively, go with what Witz suggested - enough of the truth to shut them up, with a statement along the lines of, "I don't want to talk about this again." Use whatever you feel safe with, whatever works for you. After all, it's your life, you have to live with everything that is happening to you, you should have the right to keep things quiet if you choose to. Marg [/QUOTE]
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