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<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 254078" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p>They do much, much longer at military school and it's easier than 100 push ups. I used to do it when I was in the military. And it's one of the punishments that CPS is all right with. We only have a couple: that, push ups, writing sentences/essays, and extra chores. The school will also have him carry a milk carton filled with rocks for hours. Extra chores has the problem of it gives him opportunities to steal things or throw things away (washing the car, throw away his shoes, etc.). Also he sabotages the chores (run the dishwasher, don't use soap, or put away food encrusted dishes and pretend you don't know how that happened--or were just making room in the dishwasher).</p><p> </p><p>Believe it or not, CPS has said he could be spanked, but we don't do that. </p><p> </p><p>We haven't quite gotten to the strip his room bare, not even a pillow stage, but because he's destroyed two mattresses, he doesn't have one. And we can't take away his toys and books because he beat us to it; he's thrown them all away or purposefully broken them.</p><p> </p><p>I know it's easy to feel sorry for him, but our house is hell for ALL of us: not just him, and not just the rest of us. </p><p> </p><p>husband came home at lunch, subdued. Drove around and looked for him a bit. Went to the park, he's not there. Went back to work, told me to keep calm, try not to panic.</p><p> </p><p>No, I cannot put my career on hold, I already put it on hold for 15 years; just went back to work 2 years ago; we have 4 other kids; two are going to college this summer; both my husband and I got wiped out in our former divorces, no savings, no equity, bills. We have no retirement, our house is break even, we live paycheck to paycheck. We paid $12,000 to the dentist, orthodonist and eye doctor this year out of our pocket. We have day care and summer care, difficult child's schooling and transportation, counselling, etc. Neither of us gets child support. </p><p> </p><p>Actually instead of being more involved with difficult child, being a stepmother, I'm becoming less and less involved. After today, I am going to tell husband that I will no longer be responsible for difficult child on my own, except for spring break which is in two weeks and we have no other place to put him (however, I will have the other kids around). Then I'm done, he's going to have to find other daycare, schoolbreak, sick care for him. He will. He will understand. But it will be hard. I work for the government and get 10 hours leave every 2 weeks; husband works for a company that is laying off and laying off and gets 2 weeks a year leave. But husband will figure something out; I can't do this anymore. difficult child is becoming more and more difficult, not just with me, but with husband too. Mostly he targets husband.</p><p> </p><p>I see myself in gwenny's place in 3 years, with a stepson who is disturbed and acting out. I do have a husband who will step up to the plate, but we do not have any kind of medical or community support. In the back of my mind I know there's a possibility it's going to be too much and I will leave--at least for a few years until difficult child is out of the house; then maybe husband and I can be together again. I don't know, it's so hard to get through the week (and I've learned to dread weekends), that I can't think three years ahead.</p><p> </p><p>Why is there just not safe, therapeutic care for these children? It's like society just throws you under the bus because you have a child like this and then blames you for tripping. </p><p> </p><p>I don't mean to sound whiny, but this has turned out to be a very hard day and it's going to be a rotten weekend--no matter how this turns out.</p><p> </p><p>Once we get him back, what do we do with him? Or rather, what does husband do with him? He doesn't know, and I just want to crawl under the covers and hide.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 254078, member: 5169"] They do much, much longer at military school and it's easier than 100 push ups. I used to do it when I was in the military. And it's one of the punishments that CPS is all right with. We only have a couple: that, push ups, writing sentences/essays, and extra chores. The school will also have him carry a milk carton filled with rocks for hours. Extra chores has the problem of it gives him opportunities to steal things or throw things away (washing the car, throw away his shoes, etc.). Also he sabotages the chores (run the dishwasher, don't use soap, or put away food encrusted dishes and pretend you don't know how that happened--or were just making room in the dishwasher). Believe it or not, CPS has said he could be spanked, but we don't do that. We haven't quite gotten to the strip his room bare, not even a pillow stage, but because he's destroyed two mattresses, he doesn't have one. And we can't take away his toys and books because he beat us to it; he's thrown them all away or purposefully broken them. I know it's easy to feel sorry for him, but our house is hell for ALL of us: not just him, and not just the rest of us. husband came home at lunch, subdued. Drove around and looked for him a bit. Went to the park, he's not there. Went back to work, told me to keep calm, try not to panic. No, I cannot put my career on hold, I already put it on hold for 15 years; just went back to work 2 years ago; we have 4 other kids; two are going to college this summer; both my husband and I got wiped out in our former divorces, no savings, no equity, bills. We have no retirement, our house is break even, we live paycheck to paycheck. We paid $12,000 to the dentist, orthodonist and eye doctor this year out of our pocket. We have day care and summer care, difficult child's schooling and transportation, counselling, etc. Neither of us gets child support. Actually instead of being more involved with difficult child, being a stepmother, I'm becoming less and less involved. After today, I am going to tell husband that I will no longer be responsible for difficult child on my own, except for spring break which is in two weeks and we have no other place to put him (however, I will have the other kids around). Then I'm done, he's going to have to find other daycare, schoolbreak, sick care for him. He will. He will understand. But it will be hard. I work for the government and get 10 hours leave every 2 weeks; husband works for a company that is laying off and laying off and gets 2 weeks a year leave. But husband will figure something out; I can't do this anymore. difficult child is becoming more and more difficult, not just with me, but with husband too. Mostly he targets husband. I see myself in gwenny's place in 3 years, with a stepson who is disturbed and acting out. I do have a husband who will step up to the plate, but we do not have any kind of medical or community support. In the back of my mind I know there's a possibility it's going to be too much and I will leave--at least for a few years until difficult child is out of the house; then maybe husband and I can be together again. I don't know, it's so hard to get through the week (and I've learned to dread weekends), that I can't think three years ahead. Why is there just not safe, therapeutic care for these children? It's like society just throws you under the bus because you have a child like this and then blames you for tripping. I don't mean to sound whiny, but this has turned out to be a very hard day and it's going to be a rotten weekend--no matter how this turns out. Once we get him back, what do we do with him? Or rather, what does husband do with him? He doesn't know, and I just want to crawl under the covers and hide. [/QUOTE]
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