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What do I do now? Son problems!
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<blockquote data-quote="Wakegirl" data-source="post: 585229" data-attributes="member: 15912"><p>Hello Glinda, and welcome! Your story hit home in many ways, although my difficult child has a substance abuse problem (and sometimes drinks alcohol). He has a GREAT sense of entitlement, and I tend to blame myself for that, because I did everything for him!! Had I known the monster I was creating, I would have done many things different. But I did everything out of love. And also tried to make up for his father not being in his life very much (we're divorced). I'm definitely a recovering enabler. Someone once told me "You will <strong>literally</strong> love your son to death if you don't stop enabling him". In other words, if I didn't allow him to hit rock bottom, and get to the point where HE wanted help, than I could very well be burying him one day (due to substance abuse). It took many times, but the best thing I did was kick him out and let him fall. I made life too easy at home. He had no job, a cushy place to sleep, eat, and I was paying his cell phone, and car insurance. Why should he change? He had it made! Somebody wrote on this forum a quote that I absolutely love, and I had to repeat it to myself many, many times... "Nothing changes if nothing changes". No truer words have ever been spoken. My son came home last week after being kicked out for over a month. He has since started the process of enlisting in the National Guard. I still walk on eggshells, but I try to be an optimist when I see him making good decisions. In the meantime, I'm still learning to put myself first. It's a very hard lesson, but it comes with well deserved peace. I encourage you to do the same. You are a good mother. Your son knows right from wrong. I'm sure you instilled good morals in him. His value of life is now his decision. You can advise him when he approaches you, but that's it. Keep us posted, and know that you are not alone! Best wishes...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Wakegirl, post: 585229, member: 15912"] Hello Glinda, and welcome! Your story hit home in many ways, although my difficult child has a substance abuse problem (and sometimes drinks alcohol). He has a GREAT sense of entitlement, and I tend to blame myself for that, because I did everything for him!! Had I known the monster I was creating, I would have done many things different. But I did everything out of love. And also tried to make up for his father not being in his life very much (we're divorced). I'm definitely a recovering enabler. Someone once told me "You will [B]literally[/B] love your son to death if you don't stop enabling him". In other words, if I didn't allow him to hit rock bottom, and get to the point where HE wanted help, than I could very well be burying him one day (due to substance abuse). It took many times, but the best thing I did was kick him out and let him fall. I made life too easy at home. He had no job, a cushy place to sleep, eat, and I was paying his cell phone, and car insurance. Why should he change? He had it made! Somebody wrote on this forum a quote that I absolutely love, and I had to repeat it to myself many, many times... "Nothing changes if nothing changes". No truer words have ever been spoken. My son came home last week after being kicked out for over a month. He has since started the process of enlisting in the National Guard. I still walk on eggshells, but I try to be an optimist when I see him making good decisions. In the meantime, I'm still learning to put myself first. It's a very hard lesson, but it comes with well deserved peace. I encourage you to do the same. You are a good mother. Your son knows right from wrong. I'm sure you instilled good morals in him. His value of life is now his decision. You can advise him when he approaches you, but that's it. Keep us posted, and know that you are not alone! Best wishes... [/QUOTE]
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What do I do now? Son problems!
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