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What do I do now? Son problems!
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 585373" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>Glenda, It's very hard! I'm still going through these issues with a 34yo difficult child. I've tried program after program, and like yours, he refused to cooperate in counseling. He started very young and I am just worn out.</p><p></p><p>Mine was court ordered to rehab twice. He walked out of one so he had to stay longer. Mine is a master manipuator, can look you directly in the eye and lie with a straight face. They know how to play us so well.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child is in a relationship with someone, in my opinion, that is worse than he is. I had to call the police to get her harrassment to stop. My difficult child went NC with me about Thanksgiving because I will tired of sending money for excuse after excuse. She tells him if I loved him I would be sending money.</p><p></p><p>It's hard to actually admit what our children are and that we can not change them. I tried and I kept thinking and praying that he would finally grow up and take responsibility for his life and his actions.</p><p></p><p>So no, you are not alone. Sadly, there are quite a few of us! Learn to detach, find a hobby, counseling if you can (the meetings work well for some - I didn't have any in my area) and the biggest thing (in my opinion) to start yourself in the direction of peace is letting go of the guilt. I had a hard time with that too!! Learn to turn the things you can not control (which is almost everything) to your HP.</p><p></p><p>Your so is an adult in most states (my is 16yo) and there is not one thing that you can do or make him do, another hard cold fact. But there is so much you can do for YOU! I honestly think all of the things I did trying to help my son did nothing at all - only allow him to drink, abuse, and party more.</p><p></p><p>I think this forum is amazing, also all of the books that help us overcome guilt and enabling. I did things I never realized were enabling, just trying to save my son! But, the hard, cold, painful fact is the only one I have any control over is me.</p><p></p><p>Never give up hope - we don't know what the future holds.</p><p>(((huggs only a parent going through this can understand the heartbreak we all share)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 585373, member: 13558"] Glenda, It's very hard! I'm still going through these issues with a 34yo difficult child. I've tried program after program, and like yours, he refused to cooperate in counseling. He started very young and I am just worn out. Mine was court ordered to rehab twice. He walked out of one so he had to stay longer. Mine is a master manipuator, can look you directly in the eye and lie with a straight face. They know how to play us so well. My difficult child is in a relationship with someone, in my opinion, that is worse than he is. I had to call the police to get her harrassment to stop. My difficult child went NC with me about Thanksgiving because I will tired of sending money for excuse after excuse. She tells him if I loved him I would be sending money. It's hard to actually admit what our children are and that we can not change them. I tried and I kept thinking and praying that he would finally grow up and take responsibility for his life and his actions. So no, you are not alone. Sadly, there are quite a few of us! Learn to detach, find a hobby, counseling if you can (the meetings work well for some - I didn't have any in my area) and the biggest thing (in my opinion) to start yourself in the direction of peace is letting go of the guilt. I had a hard time with that too!! Learn to turn the things you can not control (which is almost everything) to your HP. Your so is an adult in most states (my is 16yo) and there is not one thing that you can do or make him do, another hard cold fact. But there is so much you can do for YOU! I honestly think all of the things I did trying to help my son did nothing at all - only allow him to drink, abuse, and party more. I think this forum is amazing, also all of the books that help us overcome guilt and enabling. I did things I never realized were enabling, just trying to save my son! But, the hard, cold, painful fact is the only one I have any control over is me. Never give up hope - we don't know what the future holds. (((huggs only a parent going through this can understand the heartbreak we all share))) [/QUOTE]
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