what do I do? Please pray for me

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by therese005us, Sep 28, 2009.

  1. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    Even more hopeless.

    This morning discovered that he messaged his new 'mate from work' to ask for drugs.
    This, after a terrible night, where I was on the nebuliser for about four hours without relief. Desperate to ring the ambulance, but worried about how he would get to work.

    So, I just put his suitcase by the caravan and told him to start packing.
    he was very upset. Sorry, sorry, etc etc. I've heard it all before. Tried to convince him to go to drug anon or something for counselling, no go. He said he'll talk to his doctor about it; I said, but you're telling him you aren't using it., you're lying to him too. You need group counsellling where you can talk to people your age who've got off the stuff. He's not interested.

    Just don't know what to do. Asking blokes at work, whom he hardly knows, is just a red flag for trouble. He doesn't even know if they use it, he's just asking randomly. I tried to explain that they'll probably 'dob him in'. That they're sympathetic to disabilities, but not addicitions where they have a zero tolerance.

    Trying to explain that he's throwing his life away is a waste of time.
    I left it that I would think about whether he stays or goes. He'll know if I bring his suitcase this afternoon. There is a hotel near here that he could still get to work from.

    I wouldn't be surprised if he is sacked before the month is out.

    I just think I'm wasting my heart on him. It's been 11 long years.

    I think cherub needs my heart just now, she's so innocent and so needy.
    I don't know if I have anymore left for DS19.:(
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Trish. Wish I had some answers for you. I'll keep you in my prayers.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry it has to hurt this bad. I wish there was some way I could make it less painful.

    I agree that asking his new coworkers for drugs is a huge red flag.

    Taking his suitcase out to him and making him leave is actually the kindest thing you can do in the long run.

    Every single dollar you spend supporting him goes straight to his drug habit. He has it nice where he is. There is no reason for him to change. Only by pushing him out will he have a chance to change. Disability or no, if we were not all pushed out of the warm safe womb we would not be able to walk, think, read, or even eat. We are pushed out of our mother so that we can grow and learn.

    At some point we need to be pushed out of our parents' home so that we can become adults. There are probably enough supports for the disabled to help him IF HE WANTS TO HELP HIMSELF.

    Without that want/need to help himself he won't change, grow or learn. Period.

    As long as he is using drugs he will not every progress in any way. You clean the caravan, provide meals, provide the electric and heat, shelter and food, everything.

    ALL the $$$ he doesn't have to spend on room and board goes to drugs. He just abuses himself and everyone around him with the drugs. If you make him leave he will grow, learn, and maybe get off the drugs. He is probably more capable than you think he is.

    It does hurt. It will continue to hurt. You will need to cling to the Serenity Prayer and to learn detachment. In the long run you will both be better off and so will your other kids. Your daughter is innocent and needs you just as much as cherub does. If she sees drugs are OK for her bro it will increase the chances that she will use them also.

    For HER sake, move your difficult child out and let HIM handle his problems. Keep the electronics, computer, etc... He needs to spend his time on a job and other things, NOT on the computer. If he has video games and movies he will do his best to refuse to learn and grow. So keeping those, maybe as "payment" for the condition of hte caravan, will be a HUGE step in helping him.

    He will have a fit. Don't let him hurt anyone or destroy property. It is time for adult rules to apply to him. I know he has disabilities, but most people eventually learn through the hard knock university to handle these things. Even very disabled people.

    Give him numbers for shelters, social services, etc... Let HIM arrange the help he thinks he needs.

    Then do something nice for yourself, daughter and cherub. Cause you ALL deserve it!
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Hugs. I am so sorry.
  5. maril

    maril New Member

    I am sure this is heartbreaking. Prayers are being sent your way and hope for some peace of mind. Detaching can be difficult.