What do you do if....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by tpcmom, Jan 18, 2007.

  1. tpcmom

    tpcmom New Member

    you think your child may be using and dealing stuff?

    How do you handle something like this? It's scaring me, kids coming at all times of the day and night.

    Someone was actually knocking on my door this morning at 4AM. My dog started to do a little bark, so it woke me up. I knew something because she only does this when she hears something. I go downstairs and look out window. Then I hear my front door closing and someone stepping out on to the front yard. Stands there looking at house. I just froze staring out the window. I'm sure they saw me.

    But I wanted to scream at them what the freak are you doing knocking on my door at this hour? But I didn't, there was no way I was opening up that door!
     
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    You need to tell your son that no one is allowed at your door after such and such a time at night, or before a certain time during the day. If you truly think he's dealing from your home, you may want to call the police, or you can drug test him and if he's using, tell he to get out. You should never have to live in fear in your own home. I threw mine out for using, so I certainly wouldn't have put up with him dealing from my home.

    sounds like you need to get a plan in place to protect yourself. If people are coming into your home buying drugs, then I'm sure things will start missing soon.

    I'm sure others will be along shortly to give you some more advice and support.
     
  3. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    my son dealing from home got my front windows smashed out in the middle of the night a day or so after christmas a few yrs back. it was about 17 degrees and I had to hang what I could over the big picture window til morning to keep us from freezing to death.

    tell your son you will call 911 any and every time the door bell rings at an unnatural hour. tell him you will also have him tested.
     
  4. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Ditto Ant's mom. -RM
     
  5. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    and keep in mind that in some areas, you could loose your house to the courts if it's seen as being a drug "haven".
    This is definately NOT something I would put up with for one minute.
     
  6. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    I know with my son, we moved him from the public high school to a 5 month stay in a locked Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because he was smoking marijuana and not attending school. When he came home, things went well for a while and we switched his school to an all boys private school in a nice area.

    Within two years, he was back to marijuana and from there to crack cocaine.

    I drew my line in the sand with drugs. As I mentioned, we had him placed (against his will first to a psychiatric hospital, and he was moved from there to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)) when he was only 14. Then at age 17 when the drugging started again, we had him taken out in handcuffs by the police and after several tries, several ER and psychiatric stays, had him voluntarily placed in a locked dual-diagnostic Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 10 months.

    Unfortunately, before he agreed to that placement, he was arrested while drugging and has a felony on his adult record from that stint at age 17.

    You have to decide what you will and won't put up with - what your line in the sand is. For us, it was drugging. Period. There was no negotiation. For some, they try to turn a blind eye to pot smoking, but won't tolerate selling the drugs.

    Once you make a decision, you must follow through on what you threaten. If you tell him you will call the police or 911 if he "fill in the blank", you must not waiver.

    I won't lie. It's not easy. Calling the police on your own child and watching them be taken out of your home in handcuffs and placed in the back of a squad car is not for the faint of heart.

    I knew if we didn't take drastic action, however, my son wouldn't be alive.

    Sending hugs,
    Deb
     
  7. judi

    judi Active Member

    My son was using at my house and who knows what else. If caught at our house doing drugs, my husband (high school teacher) and myself (advanced practice RN), would have lost our house, our jobs and our careers. We love our son, but won't tolerate drugs.
     
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I owuld caution you to be very careful. Your son's "friends" are likely to be very dangerous people. You need to decide if you can live with them in/on your property. You may have to turn your son in to get the friends to leave.

    talk with any adults in your support system. Your friends, husband or SO, other loved ones. Figure out what you can and will tolerate. And what you will do about it.

    Most states can and WILL take your home/other property if drugs are being sold there. Esp if you know about it/suspect it and don't do anything.

    It is hard. I can't even begin to tell you what choices to make. but you need to decide what you can and can't live with.

    Praying for you,

    susie
     
  9. Getting happier

    Getting happier New Member

    I had the same thing going on in my house, I did tell difficult child he had to leave, he is 18 yr old and has not finished high school or gotten ged. kids were calling him on cell phone constantly and he would leave for 15 mins and come back and they would stop over. my daughter told me that difficult child told her he was selling and had $500 out on the street, that is when i threw him out- I told him he could not live at home and that I did not have to tell him why. I did not want to get easy child in trouble. now he has a job and has to find another difficult child house to sleep in because I will not let him back. Now that he is working I am not sure he is selling drugs anymore or using, he works from 7:30 am til 9:30 PM BUT PROBABLY HE IS OR AT LEAST HE IS PROBABLY USING, He is always doing something he should not. It is like in his mind rules do not apply to him. I just do not get it, believe me, over the past week I have wanted to let him sleep at home but never gave in, because I think he will return to his old behavior, I will give him rides to and from work and that is all, oh and a lunch. You really do not know unless you catch him or someone tells you. It would be more convenient for me to let him sleep at home, but I do not want to lose my home either.
     
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    If you live in a community where the police can be used to
    assist families (and that is a BIG "if"), perhaps you could
    tell your son unequivically "I have contacted the police deptartment and requested that they monitor our property to
    make sure no unauthorized visitors show up." Frankly, I lied about that but the word spread and we did not have kids showing up. I also installed motion detector flood lamps outside that made it apparent when anyone went in or
    out.

    Did it solve the problem?? No. But it did reduce the
    traffic.

    We are all here to support you. Most of us have been there done that. It is ugly and not at all what any of us expected. Sending hugs your way. DDD
     
  11. tpcmom

    tpcmom New Member

    Well, I did tell him that if this was what was going on that he would have to leave. I said there is no way his life is going to jeopardize mine and brothers. He said he wasn't, I told him if I found out for sure I would go to the police. I am so sick of all this cr** in my life. I am tired of fighting with him over stupid things. He is going to be 21 in Feb. we finally found a program for him to go back to school 4 days a week from 3PM to 6PM and he can get a regular diploma. He was so excited, I thought this would start a turnaround in his life. I am praying that it does. See he was injured 2 times about 2 years ago. First hit by a car and had to have knee surgery, took a whole year for this to heal. But 7 months later he put his fist thru my front window and cut a major artery, damaged the main nerve in arm was in hospital for a whole week and had 2 major surgeries done. Now his little finger is somewhat curved and he has lost some feeling and use in his hand, right hand of course and he is right handed. This on top of car accident had left him severly depressed. I've tried everything I could to go get him help. Really, but the rest is up to him. It just kills me how he feels so sorry for himself but doesn't change things to make life better, just more miserable for him and the rest of us. It breaks my heart to see him so sad, but I've done and still do as much as I can to get him back on the right track the rest is up to him. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that him going to this school program is a "new" beginning for him and he doesn't :censored2: that up! Registration is on 2/5!
     
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Each of us has to decide on our own exactly what steps we
    are going to take. The ONLY major, major thing is to make
    sure that you follow through with what you say. Threats do
    no good...in fact, they encourage the poor behaviors.

    I, for example, could not follow through with a threat to kick my son out. Many others here have done so. It's your
    game in your ballpark.

    My gut (as a complete stranger to your family) says that he
    has s.a. problems as well as depression. It's hard to be able to separate behaviors. Sending good luck hugs. DDD
     
  13. judi

    judi Active Member

    When we come here, we come here raw for the most part. At least in my case. We did end evicting our son and he has now left on his own. He doesn't lead the life I would like for him to have, but he is out of my house and I don't have to deal with his chaos. Like DDD said, everyone has some point that can't be violated. For me, I pay for his cell phone.
     
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