Trying to make a long story short, my stepson is 14, almost 15, and no longer lives with us. He made multiple accusations of abuse against us when he was 10-12, was finally removed from our home, and when they realized that we weren't abusive, difficult child refused to return back home (the social worker also stated he was a danger to us due to his propensity to accuse us of abuse). He bounced from a few different foster homes before he was placed in a level 12 group home. He started to even out there - hadn't gotten suspended in a while, drug usage dropped, and he was treating us better, even talking about coming back home. Then he got a new social worker. This lady admitted that she hasn't read the case file and is unfamiliar with his diagnoses (he has been diagnosed at different times with reactive attachment disorder, conduct disorder, ADHD, and emerging schizoid personality disorder). She has been taking difficult child at his word and not double-checking his claims. So...she thought he didn't belong in a group home, moved him into a foster home, and is slowly cutting my husband and I out of difficult child's life. difficult child can be very, very charming when he chooses to be. difficult child is loving this. His new foster dad has a children-can-do-no-wrong attitude, is also unfamiliar with difficult child's diagnoses, and is showering him with gifts and privileges. It's been about a month and a half, and difficult child refers to his new foster parent as "dad". Although he was enjoying visits with us before, he has now been claiming that we force him to do chores. In reality, we have been taking him out for pizza, going rafting with him, getting frozen yogurt, etc. I have documentation in the form of photographs and receipts, but I'm wondering whether to send them to the social worker or to not bother. She's been very unpleasant towards us. We've already had to write a rebuttal to one of difficult child's claims (that we slaughter animals in front of him and force him to watch). This doesn't seem to have changed her attitude towards us. Meanwhile, we've heard from another source that difficult child is out getting high again and trying to get the kids from his old group home to join him. I'm tired of having my reputation dragged through the mud. difficult child doesn't want to see us anymore. I can't really match the new guitars, the meetings with rock stars, the karate lessons, gymnastics lessons, the threatening difficult child's school with news coverage when he gets suspended and loses his promotion privilege. REALLY. This is how it is in his new foster home. He calls the lunch lady a ***** and tells her she can't read, continues to harass her, then harasses and insults the vice principal, then the principal, finally gets suspended, and the new foster dad gets angry that difficult child doesn't get to participate in promotion. I know when this falls apart, difficult child will want to be all buddy-buddy with us again. I know he's got these mental health diagnoses, and these things are not really his fault. His mother was on drugs while she was pregnant with him and breastfeeding. I just wonder how hard we should fight to visit with him when he keeps saying these awful things about us and doesn't want to see us anyways. I don't know what else we can do at this point. When he lived with us he was in regular counseling, we had regular meetings with this teachers and a 504 accommodation plan. We read everything we could find on his diagnoses. Implemented a structured reward system, tried to encourage his strengths. After a while, you just start to question if you're ACTUALLY a horrible person, if you're the one who's nuts. I have never laid a hand on this kid, never called him names. Every time I lost my temper and yelled, I apologized for it afterwards. I went to college, hold down a steady full-time job, never did drugs, never so much as got a traffic ticket. I'm struggling with being categorized as a bad influence.