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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 269672" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Nancy, hugs. I know it's little comfort when you feel so much despair. </p><p>I think when we are always advocating to help our kids even if difficult child's don't care, we continue to hope. It's almost impossible to believe that no amount of family stability, love, boundaries, professional care makes any difference than if you had ignored and tolerated all her behaviors. </p><p></p><p>It makes our whole life of parenting this child look like a waste of time, energy, love and money. </p><p></p><p>I would say that I threw in the towel. He sabotaged himself and didn't seem to appreciate what opportunities he threw away. I just didn't care to feel so beaten any longer. I swallowed my shame and just disengaged. I just wasn't "a sponge" for the guilt I felt was thrown at me. I turned my back to self criticism and public opinion. I keep telling difficult child the truth. If you don't act likeable, no one will like you. I no longer felt I had to be therapeutic. He was 23 after all. I didn't set out to hurt but I was giving him the unvarnished truth. After not caring, difficult child seemed to grow up a little and make some efforts. I almost feel a little squiggle of hope again but I'm not letting it get in the way. </p><p></p><p>I filled my life with people, pets, hobbies, work that gave me a sense of being able to do something productive. His life wasn't all that important to me anymore. It was his. </p><p>difficult child seems to want to grow up now</p><p>.</p><p></p><p>I don't believe my disengagement did anything for difficult child. I think he just matured a bit. It just meant I wasn't holding my breath for any sign of improvement. I just didn't care to keep my life is suspense waiting for difficult child to make it or not. </p><p></p><p>After 18 fill your life with other things. She can act appropriately and be included in family activities or she can not be included. It's a choice and you are under no obligation to give her special chances. </p><p>I don't get the joy difficult child's improvement it would have a few years ago. I'm glad for him but it's his accomplishment and his choice. </p><p></p><p>I hope these next few weeks pass quickly.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 269672, member: 3"] Nancy, hugs. I know it's little comfort when you feel so much despair. I think when we are always advocating to help our kids even if difficult child's don't care, we continue to hope. It's almost impossible to believe that no amount of family stability, love, boundaries, professional care makes any difference than if you had ignored and tolerated all her behaviors. It makes our whole life of parenting this child look like a waste of time, energy, love and money. I would say that I threw in the towel. He sabotaged himself and didn't seem to appreciate what opportunities he threw away. I just didn't care to feel so beaten any longer. I swallowed my shame and just disengaged. I just wasn't "a sponge" for the guilt I felt was thrown at me. I turned my back to self criticism and public opinion. I keep telling difficult child the truth. If you don't act likeable, no one will like you. I no longer felt I had to be therapeutic. He was 23 after all. I didn't set out to hurt but I was giving him the unvarnished truth. After not caring, difficult child seemed to grow up a little and make some efforts. I almost feel a little squiggle of hope again but I'm not letting it get in the way. I filled my life with people, pets, hobbies, work that gave me a sense of being able to do something productive. His life wasn't all that important to me anymore. It was his. difficult child seems to want to grow up now . I don't believe my disengagement did anything for difficult child. I think he just matured a bit. It just meant I wasn't holding my breath for any sign of improvement. I just didn't care to keep my life is suspense waiting for difficult child to make it or not. After 18 fill your life with other things. She can act appropriately and be included in family activities or she can not be included. It's a choice and you are under no obligation to give her special chances. I don't get the joy difficult child's improvement it would have a few years ago. I'm glad for him but it's his accomplishment and his choice. I hope these next few weeks pass quickly. [/QUOTE]
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