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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 498080" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I know you have a lot of experience and are well-intentioned. I just don't think that's how my difficult child is viewing this current situation with me and this csu. First, he's been in this sytem- whether csu/probation/parole, or detention center, or Department of Juvenile Justice facility for 6 years now and I'm sure he's had to listen to at least 100 different people throughout that time. I've never called fussing at anyone at a detention center or Department of Juvenile Justice facility (well- except for something like trying to find out if/when they are going to take family photos for Christmas). He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I expect him to do what they tell him- unless it was sexual abuse or a crooked staff, which has never happened. That being said, he also knows that the probation officer and gal he used to have and I did not get along- he blew it off. Now, however, because he knows himself this po/super are lying about this gh stay- he is starting to view that differently. He knows they lied because when reentry lady talked to him and then again when the gh director interviewed him, they told him something different than what PO/super were saying to difficult child and me at VC- that he could be out in 3-6 mos. I have told difficult child I'm not trying to get him straight home but would choose that over him aging out in a gh, given the choice. Still, I am fighting for a reunification plan and not a typical diversion sanction disguised as a step-down program since he has done his time.</p><p></p><p>He had told me that a few parents had raised cain with Department of Juvenile Justice over their kids getting dental work in the Department of Juvenile Justice facility that ended up copmpletely breaking a tooth unneccessarily and a few other things and the parents got the kids permission to have it repaired, have special hygeine products due to specific infections, or whatever. I honestly didn't get the impression he interpretted this as a parent over-riding or not respecting authority. I think he understood this was a parent making sure the kid's rights weren't being violated. He talked like he knew it meant the parent cared. This wasn't even discussed in terms of him or us because he had no issue like that- except he had a chipped tooth once and I told him to request a dentist to get it filed down and whatever it needed- it was a front tooth and he didn't understand that a dentist could do something about it. He went, the dentist did something and difficult child's tooth split a little and I told him to get right back to the dentist and tell him fix it or I would be calling- so difficult child did. I never called.</p><p></p><p>In this csu situation, they are breaking poilicy if not out-right breaking the law- actually, I honeslty believe they are breaking the law. difficult child knows I'm the one who has turned him in in the past, the PO and I never had issues in front of difficult child last year- we had a unified front- the specifics are so different from your experiences that I don't think difficult child is interpretting it the way you are thinking he does. I'm sure he does feel like it's him against the system in some ways- he feels like it's him against me in some ways- I'm trying to maintain a healthy boundary of holding him accountable and trying to do what I believe is in his best interest and gives him the best chance, without letting the few who've had the control trip attitudes run all over either of us and violate our rights (they aren't above the law either and don;t have more power than a judge or dss) and without throwing difficult child under the bus- I still love him and want to make sure he is taken care of. </p><p></p><p>Bowing to the ones in this state who are on a control trip does NOT get them to see that you respect authority so they back off- really it doesn't. If difficult child's MH therapist at Department of Juvenile Justice recommends difficult child continue with a therapist, I will be insisting that he get a licensed therapist and they have to accommodate it. It's in their regs- if the kid is in Department of Juvenile Justice custody (and PO has made it clear that in gh, PO has custody of difficult child) then they are responsible for medical, dental, and MH treatment. And you can bet, if the Department of Juvenile Justice therapist recommended difficult child continue with a therapist and he was coming home, they would order me to take him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 498080, member: 3699"] I know you have a lot of experience and are well-intentioned. I just don't think that's how my difficult child is viewing this current situation with me and this csu. First, he's been in this sytem- whether csu/probation/parole, or detention center, or Department of Juvenile Justice facility for 6 years now and I'm sure he's had to listen to at least 100 different people throughout that time. I've never called fussing at anyone at a detention center or Department of Juvenile Justice facility (well- except for something like trying to find out if/when they are going to take family photos for Christmas). He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I expect him to do what they tell him- unless it was sexual abuse or a crooked staff, which has never happened. That being said, he also knows that the probation officer and gal he used to have and I did not get along- he blew it off. Now, however, because he knows himself this po/super are lying about this gh stay- he is starting to view that differently. He knows they lied because when reentry lady talked to him and then again when the gh director interviewed him, they told him something different than what PO/super were saying to difficult child and me at VC- that he could be out in 3-6 mos. I have told difficult child I'm not trying to get him straight home but would choose that over him aging out in a gh, given the choice. Still, I am fighting for a reunification plan and not a typical diversion sanction disguised as a step-down program since he has done his time. He had told me that a few parents had raised cain with Department of Juvenile Justice over their kids getting dental work in the Department of Juvenile Justice facility that ended up copmpletely breaking a tooth unneccessarily and a few other things and the parents got the kids permission to have it repaired, have special hygeine products due to specific infections, or whatever. I honestly didn't get the impression he interpretted this as a parent over-riding or not respecting authority. I think he understood this was a parent making sure the kid's rights weren't being violated. He talked like he knew it meant the parent cared. This wasn't even discussed in terms of him or us because he had no issue like that- except he had a chipped tooth once and I told him to request a dentist to get it filed down and whatever it needed- it was a front tooth and he didn't understand that a dentist could do something about it. He went, the dentist did something and difficult child's tooth split a little and I told him to get right back to the dentist and tell him fix it or I would be calling- so difficult child did. I never called. In this csu situation, they are breaking poilicy if not out-right breaking the law- actually, I honeslty believe they are breaking the law. difficult child knows I'm the one who has turned him in in the past, the PO and I never had issues in front of difficult child last year- we had a unified front- the specifics are so different from your experiences that I don't think difficult child is interpretting it the way you are thinking he does. I'm sure he does feel like it's him against the system in some ways- he feels like it's him against me in some ways- I'm trying to maintain a healthy boundary of holding him accountable and trying to do what I believe is in his best interest and gives him the best chance, without letting the few who've had the control trip attitudes run all over either of us and violate our rights (they aren't above the law either and don;t have more power than a judge or dss) and without throwing difficult child under the bus- I still love him and want to make sure he is taken care of. Bowing to the ones in this state who are on a control trip does NOT get them to see that you respect authority so they back off- really it doesn't. If difficult child's MH therapist at Department of Juvenile Justice recommends difficult child continue with a therapist, I will be insisting that he get a licensed therapist and they have to accommodate it. It's in their regs- if the kid is in Department of Juvenile Justice custody (and PO has made it clear that in gh, PO has custody of difficult child) then they are responsible for medical, dental, and MH treatment. And you can bet, if the Department of Juvenile Justice therapist recommended difficult child continue with a therapist and he was coming home, they would order me to take him. [/QUOTE]
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