Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
What do you say? Or do?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 131700" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First off, do you and wife have separate finances? If no, what is UP with the "how will he be able to get the $$$ to pay YOU what he owes YOU?"???</p><p> </p><p>If wife has a job, get your own bank accounts with-o her on them. And REFUSE to pay any credit cards she gives McW to go buy things. Just take your name off of them or cancel them.</p><p> </p><p>If she has NO other source of $$, figure out what she buys (groceries, etc...) and give her that much, plus a small amount more. She will still give McW $$$, and the debit card or credit cards. BUT they will NOT be tied to your earnings. And you won't have to worry about McW using the ATM. </p><p> </p><p>Or:</p><p> </p><p>Go to the bank and have the amount the debit card can be used for LOWERED. That way Mc W can't spend all the $$$ - IF you continue to have her on the same account. They can even impose a max that the card can be used as a credit card for - make this as low as possible.</p><p> </p><p>Take parts of the car out. Expensive ones.</p><p> </p><p>Read the part of love and logic parenting that talks about being a broken record. Actually, Love and Logic might be a much better tool for you to use on wife. </p><p> </p><p>Next time she leaves you to take care of McW - GO SOMEWHERE. Don't wait for him.</p><p> </p><p>My son has been walking upwards of 10-12 miles a day for several years. He now is old enough to drive, but walks a lot anyway. </p><p> </p><p>Why is McW too good to walk???</p><p> </p><p>You have to answer these. And, if you want a real marriage, you have to completely stop letting yourself be abused. It happens in baby steps. But you need Alanon or NarcAnon to help you learn how.</p><p> </p><p>Get the Dr. Phil Book. Go to meetings. If wife leaves you alone to wait for McW - go to a meeting, a movie, a coffeehouse whatever.</p><p> </p><p>I WAS dancer. I had ulcers from the fighting. Read the book Love and Logic parenting - it is about letting natural consequences happen while preserving a loving bond. Develop an EMPATHETIC statement such as, "Wow. That must be rough." Say it over and over as needed when your wife says things you KNOW are designed to let her try to blame you for things. </p><p> </p><p>This whole situation is becoming more and more DANGEROUS for Dancer. What will happen when McW needs $$$ for drugs or booze and one of his friends wants Dancer? And she is home alone? Do you think you have given her the tools to stand up for herself?? Against the bro you ALL let run the household? You don't want to think about what he will pressure her into doing. You really don't.</p><p> </p><p>He. Is. A. Drug. Addict. </p><p> </p><p>None of you mean anything to him other than a source for $$$ for his next fix and a pretty easy life. Yeah, you really want to think he will value his sister over his next fix. But he doesn't. It does happen. </p><p> </p><p>Back. Off. Empathize with wife. Sit. On. Your. Lips. When. She. Sets. You. Up.</p><p> </p><p>Be a father to your other children. What reward do they get for behaving??? I remember wondering if I would get attention, things, etc... if I behaved abominably as my bro did. I promise it has crossed Sarge's and Dancer's minds too.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 131700, member: 1233"] First off, do you and wife have separate finances? If no, what is UP with the "how will he be able to get the $$$ to pay YOU what he owes YOU?"??? If wife has a job, get your own bank accounts with-o her on them. And REFUSE to pay any credit cards she gives McW to go buy things. Just take your name off of them or cancel them. If she has NO other source of $$, figure out what she buys (groceries, etc...) and give her that much, plus a small amount more. She will still give McW $$$, and the debit card or credit cards. BUT they will NOT be tied to your earnings. And you won't have to worry about McW using the ATM. Or: Go to the bank and have the amount the debit card can be used for LOWERED. That way Mc W can't spend all the $$$ - IF you continue to have her on the same account. They can even impose a max that the card can be used as a credit card for - make this as low as possible. Take parts of the car out. Expensive ones. Read the part of love and logic parenting that talks about being a broken record. Actually, Love and Logic might be a much better tool for you to use on wife. Next time she leaves you to take care of McW - GO SOMEWHERE. Don't wait for him. My son has been walking upwards of 10-12 miles a day for several years. He now is old enough to drive, but walks a lot anyway. Why is McW too good to walk??? You have to answer these. And, if you want a real marriage, you have to completely stop letting yourself be abused. It happens in baby steps. But you need Alanon or NarcAnon to help you learn how. Get the Dr. Phil Book. Go to meetings. If wife leaves you alone to wait for McW - go to a meeting, a movie, a coffeehouse whatever. I WAS dancer. I had ulcers from the fighting. Read the book Love and Logic parenting - it is about letting natural consequences happen while preserving a loving bond. Develop an EMPATHETIC statement such as, "Wow. That must be rough." Say it over and over as needed when your wife says things you KNOW are designed to let her try to blame you for things. This whole situation is becoming more and more DANGEROUS for Dancer. What will happen when McW needs $$$ for drugs or booze and one of his friends wants Dancer? And she is home alone? Do you think you have given her the tools to stand up for herself?? Against the bro you ALL let run the household? You don't want to think about what he will pressure her into doing. You really don't. He. Is. A. Drug. Addict. None of you mean anything to him other than a source for $$$ for his next fix and a pretty easy life. Yeah, you really want to think he will value his sister over his next fix. But he doesn't. It does happen. Back. Off. Empathize with wife. Sit. On. Your. Lips. When. She. Sets. You. Up. Be a father to your other children. What reward do they get for behaving??? I remember wondering if I would get attention, things, etc... if I behaved abominably as my bro did. I promise it has crossed Sarge's and Dancer's minds too. Susie [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
What do you say? Or do?
Top