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What do you say when people ask?
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 763631" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi B and welcome,</p><p>I’m so sorry for your need to be here but glad that you found this site.</p><p>I have two daughters on the streets and people have asked me why I don’t just “take them in.”</p><p>I have tried that route and it doesn’t work. Their lifestyles and choices and penchant for drama are to say the least not conducive for a family home. My home quickly became a candidate for the Jerry Springer show and stress levels were off the charts. People who have not dealt with living with an addicted using adult child cannot understand the level of degradation one goes through.</p><p></p><p>That is not an easy decision to make, but I do believe it is the right one. I will help my two if they decide to go to rehab and make the effort to stay clean, but I won’t buy into their addiction and street life by giving them money. </p><p></p><p>I call it self preservation. It makes no sense for an entire family to go down with the proverbial ship. Abuse, manipulation, theft, how could anyone live like that? I don’t think we do our wayward adult children any favors by allowing them to mistreat us. It’s hard enough to swallow down the sadness of their life choices and pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and live our lives. People who have not walked the walk should not be judging.</p><p></p><p>That is a perfect answer. Unfortunately, we become targets. My daughter used to complain that I didn’t love her “unconditionally”, meaning that I should put up with her behaviors. Everything has boundaries, including love. We have to love ourselves and not let anyone, adult children included, step all over us. It is not easy to draw the line in the sand, especially when it comes to our own grown children. The reality that they become abusive in our homes is awfully harsh, but true and it is no way to live. Our home are our sanctuary’s, a place for us to find peace, not chaos.</p><p>Much love to you.</p><p>Stay strong Mama.</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 763631, member: 19522"] Hi B and welcome, I’m so sorry for your need to be here but glad that you found this site. I have two daughters on the streets and people have asked me why I don’t just “take them in.” I have tried that route and it doesn’t work. Their lifestyles and choices and penchant for drama are to say the least not conducive for a family home. My home quickly became a candidate for the Jerry Springer show and stress levels were off the charts. People who have not dealt with living with an addicted using adult child cannot understand the level of degradation one goes through. That is not an easy decision to make, but I do believe it is the right one. I will help my two if they decide to go to rehab and make the effort to stay clean, but I won’t buy into their addiction and street life by giving them money. I call it self preservation. It makes no sense for an entire family to go down with the proverbial ship. Abuse, manipulation, theft, how could anyone live like that? I don’t think we do our wayward adult children any favors by allowing them to mistreat us. It’s hard enough to swallow down the sadness of their life choices and pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and live our lives. People who have not walked the walk should not be judging. That is a perfect answer. Unfortunately, we become targets. My daughter used to complain that I didn’t love her “unconditionally”, meaning that I should put up with her behaviors. Everything has boundaries, including love. We have to love ourselves and not let anyone, adult children included, step all over us. It is not easy to draw the line in the sand, especially when it comes to our own grown children. The reality that they become abusive in our homes is awfully harsh, but true and it is no way to live. Our home are our sanctuary’s, a place for us to find peace, not chaos. Much love to you. Stay strong Mama. New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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