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General Parenting
What do you think of what the counsellor suggests?
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 532700" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Let's start with me being a softie. And really craving that white picket fence and caring that other people think/say. And not being very good at accepting that my kids embarrass me. And let's not forget spoiling, enabling and boys will be boys-attitude. Enough warnings? Okay!</p><p></p><p>How I would feel would depend a lot about how easy the 'do over' is there you live. If he drops out from school or gets through with totally lousy grades, does it mean college etc. will be nearly impossible for him or does it just mean a detour, if he later decides that is what he wants? In our system the do over is easy. Any time kid could get back to night or online school, do the missing courses or replace the once with the bad grade. And there are many routes to Uni, so if you have a smarts and dedication, you can not screw up anything permanently when you are 16. You can just make it so, that you have to make that small detour later. If screwing up now really means that many doors will be closed forever, I would have a huge problem letting my 16-year-old make those decisions.</p><p></p><p>If it doesn't mean that, then I can see a whole lot of point in your counsellor's suggestions. Because really, no one usually wins in those power struggle situations. They tend to end up to be loose-loose for everyone. So I really understand the point and think it is smart. And same goes with the things you were thinking. I do think it may be worth trying.</p><p></p><p>But those rules do expect a lot of maturity of someone who is only 16. I do know my easy child (soon to turn 16) would probably struggle with that much freedom and responsibility. And he is a mature for his age. [HUGE softie warning] So I would maybe consider giving difficult child the chance to try living by those big boy rules and then, if he doesn't like them and finds them too hard and wants to go back to the situation, there he is treated more like a kid, with less freedom and less responsibilities, I would give him one chance to change his situation back to that. No going back and forth with it, but one chance to go back to being a kid, while he still is a kid. And if he would do really well, I would probably consider paying costs of that first college year afterwards back to him, if he does well enough. [/HUGE softie warning]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 532700, member: 14557"] Let's start with me being a softie. And really craving that white picket fence and caring that other people think/say. And not being very good at accepting that my kids embarrass me. And let's not forget spoiling, enabling and boys will be boys-attitude. Enough warnings? Okay! How I would feel would depend a lot about how easy the 'do over' is there you live. If he drops out from school or gets through with totally lousy grades, does it mean college etc. will be nearly impossible for him or does it just mean a detour, if he later decides that is what he wants? In our system the do over is easy. Any time kid could get back to night or online school, do the missing courses or replace the once with the bad grade. And there are many routes to Uni, so if you have a smarts and dedication, you can not screw up anything permanently when you are 16. You can just make it so, that you have to make that small detour later. If screwing up now really means that many doors will be closed forever, I would have a huge problem letting my 16-year-old make those decisions. If it doesn't mean that, then I can see a whole lot of point in your counsellor's suggestions. Because really, no one usually wins in those power struggle situations. They tend to end up to be loose-loose for everyone. So I really understand the point and think it is smart. And same goes with the things you were thinking. I do think it may be worth trying. But those rules do expect a lot of maturity of someone who is only 16. I do know my easy child (soon to turn 16) would probably struggle with that much freedom and responsibility. And he is a mature for his age. [HUGE softie warning] So I would maybe consider giving difficult child the chance to try living by those big boy rules and then, if he doesn't like them and finds them too hard and wants to go back to the situation, there he is treated more like a kid, with less freedom and less responsibilities, I would give him one chance to change his situation back to that. No going back and forth with it, but one chance to go back to being a kid, while he still is a kid. And if he would do really well, I would probably consider paying costs of that first college year afterwards back to him, if he does well enough. [/HUGE softie warning] [/QUOTE]
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