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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 694780" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>You know Albie, we have gone through so much with these two. It doesn't feel so much a <em>lonely</em> place, more <em>disappointed</em> that they do not realize their potential. I guess I have been working so diligently to reach "protect mode". I have switched off the button of that <em>mother protect mode</em> which drives us to do anything and everything to try to stop the madness. With the reality that I have no control, I have switched over to using that energy to <em>protect my heart.</em> I don't want to go backwards to where their lifestyle choices leech over to consuming my thoughts and conversations, my life. That happened to me. My poor dear work friend. We would eat lunch together and there came a point where that was all I could talk about, what was happening with my two. She gently suggested finding a therapist, and that helped. I will never forget my shock at the point blank, frank statement "You are an enabler......." It hung in the air, thick and heavy. I then found this place, and it has helped so much to work through the muck of this with others on similar journeys. It is coming up on one year since the ugly exodus of my daughter and grands, and joining CD. Hubs would not talk about the situation, he just could not go there. I think he understood my grief and my time spent here working through it. I had to hit it head on, and he in typical mans fashion mostly buried himself deeper in work and sports on tv. This is what I need to work on, the grief in <em>the time we lost together</em>, separately navigating the devastation that ripped through our household and hearts. I write about it here as a release, but also as a reminder to others in relationships to take care of each other, to not let their adult children's lifestyles take away from their own lives. It is the same for single folk (as I am now), to work at LIVING.</p><p>Really, really living.</p><p>Life is too short to give up everything and focus on adults who are bound and determined to do things their way <em>anyway</em>. That is why I am taking a step back. My twos focus now, is on themselves and the next high, or party. It has been this way for a long, long time. Their inclination and first go to, is to blame everyone else, <em>especially me,</em> for their actions and consequences. So why would I want to continue to present myself as a target? <em>Especially now</em>. So stepping back it is. For now. If and when my two make steps towards sobriety, I will be here, God willing.</p><p></p><p>Thank you Albie, there is a widows group with the organization that is helping my son, I will probably make my way there. I do think it would be good to have a place to go to work through this grief, especially since I am going back to work in a couple of weeks. To know that I have folks to face to face with who are going through or have gone through similar experiences would be very helpful. Until then, I have a lot on my plate figuring out finances and making sure my son is okay. He is my focus, as well as strengthening myself. It has been a long time coming, to get to this point. I am not going backwards to trying to fix my two's issues. They have to step to the plate.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 694780, member: 19522"] You know Albie, we have gone through so much with these two. It doesn't feel so much a [I]lonely[/I] place, more [I]disappointed[/I] that they do not realize their potential. I guess I have been working so diligently to reach "protect mode". I have switched off the button of that [I]mother protect mode[/I] which drives us to do anything and everything to try to stop the madness. With the reality that I have no control, I have switched over to using that energy to [I]protect my heart.[/I] I don't want to go backwards to where their lifestyle choices leech over to consuming my thoughts and conversations, my life. That happened to me. My poor dear work friend. We would eat lunch together and there came a point where that was all I could talk about, what was happening with my two. She gently suggested finding a therapist, and that helped. I will never forget my shock at the point blank, frank statement "You are an enabler......." It hung in the air, thick and heavy. I then found this place, and it has helped so much to work through the muck of this with others on similar journeys. It is coming up on one year since the ugly exodus of my daughter and grands, and joining CD. Hubs would not talk about the situation, he just could not go there. I think he understood my grief and my time spent here working through it. I had to hit it head on, and he in typical mans fashion mostly buried himself deeper in work and sports on tv. This is what I need to work on, the grief in [I]the time we lost together[/I], separately navigating the devastation that ripped through our household and hearts. I write about it here as a release, but also as a reminder to others in relationships to take care of each other, to not let their adult children's lifestyles take away from their own lives. It is the same for single folk (as I am now), to work at LIVING. Really, really living. Life is too short to give up everything and focus on adults who are bound and determined to do things their way [I]anyway[/I]. That is why I am taking a step back. My twos focus now, is on themselves and the next high, or party. It has been this way for a long, long time. Their inclination and first go to, is to blame everyone else, [I]especially me,[/I] for their actions and consequences. So why would I want to continue to present myself as a target? [I]Especially now[/I]. So stepping back it is. For now. If and when my two make steps towards sobriety, I will be here, God willing. Thank you Albie, there is a widows group with the organization that is helping my son, I will probably make my way there. I do think it would be good to have a place to go to work through this grief, especially since I am going back to work in a couple of weeks. To know that I have folks to face to face with who are going through or have gone through similar experiences would be very helpful. Until then, I have a lot on my plate figuring out finances and making sure my son is okay. He is my focus, as well as strengthening myself. It has been a long time coming, to get to this point. I am not going backwards to trying to fix my two's issues. They have to step to the plate. (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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