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What does detachment look like to you?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 613314" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Cedar, I'm glad you had a good day yesterday, in spite of your kids present shenanigans. </p><p></p><p>You <u>have</u> been strong for me Cedar, your words are often a soothing, warm, healing support for my own sometimes weary heart. I am most grateful for you.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry your mother reflected contempt in her eyes............that contempt was likely directed inward first, particularly if she had been a victim of incest, self hatred is paramount then. But you certainly didn't deserve that contempt, you deserved LOVE and to be cherished as all children do. I'm glad you are reclaiming that self love now.</p><p></p><p>I still don't think your interaction with your sister was in any way unkind. Perhaps in simply telling the truth sometimes we need to blow up the illusion and that can only be done with what my friend laughingly calls "truth grenades." Denial can't be gently pushed aside, it doesn't respond to "being nice" because being nice is often part of denial. You stepped out of your role and blew up the lie, that takes <u>courage</u> Cedar and it requires that we have a certain strength within, an inner certainty, only gained by healing those parts of us that keep us stuck in the collective lie. Stop beating yourself up about it! You didn't do anything wrong, you stepped out of the FOG and told the truth. That is a gateway to a healthier relationship with your sister IF she can meet you on this new ground. She may not be able to, but that doesn't mean you should stop telling the truth. It is not hurting her, it is giving her an option to be in an honest connection with you............or not, but you opened the door however, she has to step in. It's hard for us to stop being NICE, but being NICE isn't being real, being yourself and telling the truth is being authentic.</p><p></p><p>I enjoy these interactions with you Cedar, and Witz, us wounded warriors learning to love ourselves.........</p><p></p><p>What is happening with your kids Cedar? How are YOU?</p><p></p><p>I have an update about my difficult child which I will open a new thread about now............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 613314, member: 13542"] Cedar, I'm glad you had a good day yesterday, in spite of your kids present shenanigans. You [U]have[/U] been strong for me Cedar, your words are often a soothing, warm, healing support for my own sometimes weary heart. I am most grateful for you. I'm so sorry your mother reflected contempt in her eyes............that contempt was likely directed inward first, particularly if she had been a victim of incest, self hatred is paramount then. But you certainly didn't deserve that contempt, you deserved LOVE and to be cherished as all children do. I'm glad you are reclaiming that self love now. I still don't think your interaction with your sister was in any way unkind. Perhaps in simply telling the truth sometimes we need to blow up the illusion and that can only be done with what my friend laughingly calls "truth grenades." Denial can't be gently pushed aside, it doesn't respond to "being nice" because being nice is often part of denial. You stepped out of your role and blew up the lie, that takes [U]courage[/U] Cedar and it requires that we have a certain strength within, an inner certainty, only gained by healing those parts of us that keep us stuck in the collective lie. Stop beating yourself up about it! You didn't do anything wrong, you stepped out of the FOG and told the truth. That is a gateway to a healthier relationship with your sister IF she can meet you on this new ground. She may not be able to, but that doesn't mean you should stop telling the truth. It is not hurting her, it is giving her an option to be in an honest connection with you............or not, but you opened the door however, she has to step in. It's hard for us to stop being NICE, but being NICE isn't being real, being yourself and telling the truth is being authentic. I enjoy these interactions with you Cedar, and Witz, us wounded warriors learning to love ourselves......... What is happening with your kids Cedar? How are YOU? I have an update about my difficult child which I will open a new thread about now............ [/QUOTE]
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