what does family support look like to you?

Marguerite

Active Member
We've found that family are often the last to "get it". The ones who love you most are often the ones who would rather believe you're nuts, or you're doing it wrong, than believe there is really a problem. They also feel a sense of ownership of you and WILL give advice far more than friends. I had to learn to accept this, just nod and smile. Then do it my way. Over time, exposure to our problems helps them get it. Then when they have problems with their kids and grandkids, they now call me and ask for ideas.

Family support is a two-edged sword. You get good and bad together. When you accept help from anybody, they feel it then gives them the right to have a say, and they exercise that right. So when you ask for help, be prepared for unreliability and unwanted advice. If you can get by and put up with it, then the help will be useful.

I really wish my parents were still around for me. But they died years ago. However, even when my mother was alive, I knew what topics to not discuss with her. She was a marvellous support, but nobody's perfect.

Marg
 

crazymama30

Active Member
From husband's bio family? Nada zip zilch. His dad and step mom live 15 minutes away, and have not seen the kids in years. They are only really interested in is step sis and bro. Plus they (mainly dad) do not believe in MI. They think that husband just expects everyone to do everything for him, his pain is in his head, and there is no reason to medicate difficult child, let alone husband or dtr. His step bro lives nearby, but he is a drunk and we try to avoid him if at all possible. We have not spent Christmas or any holidays with them in years.

My family has been great. My grandfather did not really understand all that went on with husband and difficult child son, but he was always there if I needed help paying for treatment. My mom and sis try, sometimes it is hard. They pick up difficult child and carpool buddy if they are off work and if husband cannot. Many times they have sat with the kids while I have husband in the ER, taken kids to appts and meetings, made dinners, they have been a blessing and I am not sure I could have made it this far without them. I appreciate them more than they will ever know.

husband has an "adopted" family whom he lived with in high school and right afterward. Very nice people, and if we run into a bind they are there. There was a time a few years back when husband was manic, missed one psychiatrist appointment and he needed to be seen badly. I knew I could not get him there alone, so I called S and his son J, and they came over and drove him to the office while I followed. husband mumbled about me setting him up for a long time, but I don't care. I did what I had to do. His bff, G, went with me to pick husband up from a treatment facility as husband was not stable and there was concern that he might get violent. He would never get violent with G, and if he did G would stand up to him. Not many people will stand toe to toe with husband, but G will. He drove over 200 miles to pick husband up with me, and stayed with me all the way to the psychiatric hospital and went in for the admission process with me. After we got done with that one? We stood in the lobby and cried and hugged, as we were so glad husband was safe.

When I write all this down, I am very very blessed. I may not have someone to keep tabs on my family so I can get away for a weekend, but I sure have nothing to complain about.
 

jal

Member
Jena,

In regards to your second question...husband's mom and my parents have always been there for us. difficult child started exhibiting problems/behaviors around 1.5 years of age and they all saw it. We'd talk, discuss, etc. Especially my mom and I would research, find a book, recommend, etc. All were on board with-evaluations, doctors, psychiatrists, tdocs etc. Even the therapeutic school placement. No one ever told us we were wrong for questioning everything and anything. You have to understand thought too, that the reason is probably that husband's side has diagnosis'd BiPolar (BP) (his mom & aunt), anxiety and PTSD. Our side isn't totally perfect either, but no major psychiatric diagnosis's. husband's side had a lot of psch disorders.

The only one that doesn't really like the medication portion is husband's mom's H. They married when husband was 27, so he is not a father figure and he is the last one that's say would have any impact since he faces his own demons with-alcohol.
 
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