What gives him the right?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by barbie, Jul 11, 2008.

  1. barbie

    barbie MOM of 3

    I started Eric with a behavior therapist back in November. I hadnt read his evaluation, until now. He was assessed once again last week, he was once again diagnosed with ADHD, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified, and newly ODD. His first behavior specialist a MA. (I dont know what that is exactly), said from our first visit, that Eric was emotionally detached from any primary caregiver because and his words are "due to" me being a working mother and him starting in daycare at 5 months of age. If I didnt work, we'd be freakin homeless, Erics father is not only not involved, and does not pay ANY child support since CS in FL said they can't locate him, I cant imagine it would be too hard since he spent last yr in jail. He does contribute. I need to work, I am a single parent, even if SSI is approved what would $500 a month do for me staying home with three kids? What would that pay, my car note? SO in his theory Eric has behavior problems, is aggressive, detached and has been kicked out of 8 daycares in ayear because he's not attached. I havent spent a night alone since Eric was conceived, He was bron went to NICu, I slept, ate and awoke in the hospital, he has always slept in my bed cause most nights he was either sick or I was too tired to get up and breastfeed him, so we both passed out. Hell, Eric follows me into the bathroom.
     
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    There are times when you need to mentally send statements from the specialists you see directly into the circular file.

    This is one of those times.
     
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I was only given 4 months maternity leave which I thought was generous - I think some only get 1 - 2 months. AND, you are not the only single mom out there with babies placed in daycare. If your difficult child is detached, those can not be the reasons. If they are, every kid of a single parent placed in day care would fall under that diagnosis. (And what difference would it make if the mom is single or not? Baby doesn't know. Every kid placed in daycare before 5 months would have that diagnosis.)
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Kid with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) act detached. That is just the way they are. It's not you or anything you did. That is a typical child on the autism spectrum. They should know that, but they obviously don't. You need somebody working with him who understands kids on the autism spectrum. They feel very deeply, but can not express it or show it and they don't like physical affection nor do they have an easy time making eye contact. It's the disorder, not your parenting.
     
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    If he follows you into the bathroom, he doesn't sound emotionally detached to me.

    He DOES sound like a lot of stuff from the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) could be getting mislabelled.

    That therapist - is there anything in his report that is likely to follow you or Eric? if no, then as SRL said, mentally consign it all to the round file. The guy sounds like he was coming out with the classic knee-jerk reaction (with emphasis on "jerk") of a person who is first year out, has no kids of his own AND no personal experience and who is parrotting the rubbish dished out during lectures.

    You went back to work and placed him in child care at 5 months? Honey, that kid had bucketloads of time to bond with you.

    I was a full-time working mother, went back to work when each of my first three kids were 12 weeks old (10 weeks, with easy child). They were in Long day Care, which meant they were in child care form 8 am to 5.30 pm, five days a week, from less than three months old. They stayed there until they started school, age almost 5, and the school had an after-school program which went until 6 pm. Five days a week.

    If the kids were going to have attachment disorder from being dumped in child care, then mine should have had it, well and truly.

    Not a trace.

    It's the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), for sure. And it is still only a semblance - these kids generally do care, very deeply often more deeply, because it really hurts them sometimes, how much they care. But they don't always show this emotion, in ways that Mr Clever Clogs 1st year out "I know all about kids" therapist would understand.

    And what about your other kids? According to this theory they ALL should be showing the same degree of attachment disorder.

    If this is a record that will stick, then you need to deal with it by getting another opinion which refutes it. Otherwise, just stick it up on the wall and trow darts at it. it's about all tat report is worth. it certainly is NOT worth you getting upset over it. The world is too full of such idiots as it is, for you to waste any time on just one of them.

    Mothers like you and me have quite enough to do, thank you, than have rubbish like this getting in our way.

    Think about mothers of the world, including those women who give birth in rice paddies, pick up the baby and just keep right on working in the fields. They swaddle the baby tightly to keep them quiet and pliant. They can't stop working to "bond" either, not in the way this idiot seems to think is necessary.

    For most children born into the world, it is this way. So why do we not have a world-wide massive epidemic of attachment disorder? And why, if child care centres that take babies from almost birth are so bad for society, are there more and more of them proliferating?

    The guy's an ignorant jerk, barbiealonso. If your child has attachment disorder, it's not because you're a working mother who put him in child care at 5 months.

    Marg
     
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    That needs to go straight to File 13...also known as the circular file.

    Miss KT was almost three months old when I went back to work. She was in daycare 6 days a week. Useless Boy and I both worked retail, opposite shifts, and I had a commute from he!! (90 minutes one way, assuming traffic was cooperative). Plus, I was in management and working about 60 hours a week.

    in my opinion...your behavior specialist isn't one. He sounds like one of those lovely people who wants to pin all the problems of the Western Hemisphere on the fact that there are single moms. I heard from way too many of these people. Don't let him do that to you.
     
  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    There MIGHT be attachment issues but not because you're a working mother. Premies can end up with attachment issues. It is not the fault of the mother, the father, the hospital or the child. It is the simple fact that they cannot be held at first. Please don't misunderstand, I am not saying your son has any attachment issues but, if he does, I'd lay odds on it being due to his being a premie.

    I'm hoping that this MA is now history since you say it was his first behavior specialist. I am so tired of therapists taking the easy way out to come up with specious twaddle designed to make parents feel guilty for no good reason. This idiot puts one of the most heinous Dxes on a little one after one visit (it usually takes years or at least several months to come up with any attachment diagnosis because they mimic so many other Dxes) and then puts the blame on you working????!!!!!! Tell the DA (dumb arse) to shove his ignorant, biased, uninformed and ill-advised diagnosis where the sun don't shine. (Sorry, I'm not in a good mood this morning and have little patience for stupidity and this is HIGH stupidity.)
     
  8. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    What gives him the right are those initials after his name and/or his choice of occupation. What gives him the right to continue to do so is your willingness to pay him to.

    Keep in mind that this is an almost totally subjective field. Virtually all diagnoses are made based on purely subjective decisions made by whomever has been selected to make those decisions. That's just the way it is. There is simply very little objective science to support any of these diagnoses. Consequently where one person making a diagnosis sees a neurobiological cause for certain behaviors, another may see a learned cause and a third may see something entirely different or a combination of many.

    Very few of these diagnoses are written in stone and, even then, the physiological cause of those conditions is often totally unknown. Even in the case of an obvious diagnosis -- say...sever autism with all the stereotypical behaviors -- the cause of the disorder is unknown. There may be -- and likely are -- multiple causes for the behaviors and the same diagnosis.

    Unfortunately, some doctors tend to see more of a certain disorder than other doctors do. Some doctors are thought to overdiagnose certain disorders/causes because of a personal bias -- a disorder within his family, an academic interest, etc. Absent objective diagnostic tools, there is no way to prove him wrong. I just heard someone refer to that phenomena as "If you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail." (She was talking about how sensory disorders are often misdiagnosed as ADHD because most doctors are more familiar with and know how to treat ADHD than sensory issues.)

    I think when we get a diagnosis -- both those we like and those we don't like -- we should stop and truly consider whether or not it could be acurate or even partly so. Then our choices are to
    1. embrace the diagnosis and meet it head on
    2. consider the diagnosis a possibility and proceed cautiously with treatment while diligently watching for improvement or worsening of condition
    3. reject the diagnosis and, if a discussion with the person making the diagnosis doesn't convince one of you to change your beliefs, find another therapist/doctor.

    by the way, as for this diagnosis, the therapist missed the boat. It seems like he was very close to diagnosing Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) based on your putting your child in daycare and going back to work. If by some strange chance he's right and your child does have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or something closely akin to it, the problem, according to his logic, would have to be neglect or abuse on the part of the day care worker(s), not your normal act of placing your son in day care. Mothers have delegated care of infants to others for one reason or the other since the beginning of time. It doesn't make us bad mothers for doing so. Daycare workers are totally capable of caring for children in ways that don't cause Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-like conditions and have been/are doing so for millions and millions of kids across the world. If he's right about why your son has behavioral problems (being in daycare), his placement of blame on you for going to work is totally off base. But then, there are those out there who don't see any problems with kids that they can't blame on the mother. "If you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Kinda makes you wonder about his relationship with his mothers... Could he be projecting his own issues onto your son?

    One more thing.....when you change therapists/doctors because you disagree with the diagnosis and/or treatment, don't have the old therapist's/doctor's records forwarded to the new therapist/doctor. Provide accurate information to the new doctor about treatment/drug choices (name of drug, dosage, length of time taken, results seen, side effects experienced, reason for discontinuation), medical history of both the child and family, and clear, honest description of behaviors (don't leave anything out). Let the new therapist/doctor start fresh. Who knows what inaccurate or biased inforamtion the old therapist/doctor has in his records?
     
  9. barbie

    barbie MOM of 3

    Thank you all so much. I needed to hear that. Otherwise it wouldve stayed in my mid. It is bothersome to think that I played some part in Erics problems. Of my kids Eric is the most attached to me. He had kids but he was divorcing, seperated from the babys mother, so maybe th therapist was biased. In any cae in is going into the rubbish pile. I dont believe one stitch of it. Eric has problems becasue Eric has problems and thats just what it is.

    Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
     
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