What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by elliedeb, Aug 6, 2013.

  1. elliedeb

    elliedeb New Member

    Hi I am a newby here, and hope i can find some help. I am at the end of my tether, and don’t know where to turn. My adult daughter, has never seemed to want me around her. She never tells me she loves me, and never does anything to show she even cares about me. her attitude towards me, is that it is a chore for her to spend any time with me, which makes me fell so unwanted and worthless. i have always supported her, with everything she chooses, but she still seems to dislike me. i know she did not have it easy growing up as i split from her father when she was 9yrs old, and he took it bad, making everyone around him responsible including my daughter. i have tried talking to her, but she says nothing is wrong, and wont discuss anything. i get excluded from the grandchildren's activities, but when i tell her how that hurts me, she just gets angry with me, and says i am not excluded. an example is i wanted to see my grandson at his 1st sports day, and every attempt for me to get information so i could, was met with excuses like she did not know if she was sending him, each time i asked her to let me know, she just uttered a yes. when sports day had finished i said to her so i guess you did not send him, to which she replied yes she had. i asked he r if she had not wanted me there, and she got so angry telling me she did not know i wanted to go. this is only one of many incidents. my mental health has deteriorated so much, and she does not seem to care about that either.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would post this over on Parent Emeritus because that's the site for parents of adult kids. That's a whole different relationship than with a minor child, which is what this forum is for. Can you post there and give us more of a history here? Did she side with Dad in the divorce? Some grown kids keep up the resentment of divorce. Anything else? Any mental health issues with daughter? Drug use? Where did this start? Why don't you think she doesn't like you?

    Also, you have a life that transcends your daughter. You should not let your daughter have that much power over you. You will be much happier if you have your own friends and activities outside of your daughter and grandchildren. You do exist way beyond her. Maybe she thinks you are there to much and she wants her independence. Maybe she thinks you count on her too much for your social life...and she wants to be with her friends. Did you like hanging out with your parents when you were a young mother? Sometimes we forget how WE were...lol :)

    It would probably help you to get into therapy. You can not be happy if your life revolves around somebody else's approval, even your daughter's. Most of us on PE have learned this hard but important lesson. This lesson is especially important if your adult child is not particularly nice to you. Your life still must go on.

    Happy to "meet" you, but sorry that you had to join us. Go to PE...we can help :)