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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 650168" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Speaking of walking on eggshells, there is a great book called Stop Walking on Eggshells for those dealing with a borderline! Here it is, in case you may want to read it! I tried posting the link, but the forum won't let me. Not sure why. Anyhow, it is called Stop Walking on Eggshells by [MEDIA=amazon]1572246901[/MEDIA] Paul Mason, MS and Randi Kreger. You can order it off of Amazon.</p><p></p><p>I don't mean to sound harsh. I just tell it like I see it and had to face the same with my own kids in order to learn how to heal from their cruelty. I had one grown child who walked out of my life and that was really hard. In my family-of-origin I've had to almost walk from all of them and I believe my sister has borderline and that my mother did. The more I tried, the less it worked (to make them like me). So I learned coping skills and realistic thinking to get me through and I stopped the magical thinking of "If I'm Just Nice Enough They Will Change."</p><p></p><p>People are what they are and they only change their basic personalities with intensive therapy and very hard work and a strong desire...and they have to be able to look at and accept their own flaws and stop blaming others. Nothing else changes them, not even a pregnancy that WE see as sacred. Most are horrible mothers, which...YOU ARE NOT!</p><p></p><p>Don't join in your daughter's cruel game and don't participate with those who still do. Just tell them calmly, "Sorry, but I am keeping this between your sister/stepdaughter and me and I will not listen to anything you know unless she tells me. It is getting too out of control and I prefer to simplify my life and enjoy it more now." Smile and be firm. Be certain to leave the room hastily if they insist on continuing to tell you things or if they say, "But I just thought you'd want to know..." Cut them off as you walk away and say, "No, I really don't. I have something to do now." Change the subject and get out of there. If I were you, which I'm not, I'd not answer your borderline's text messages for a long time right now and keep her on low contact. As a borderline, she is never going to be straight up good to you unless she wants something and she is going to lie a lot. So why put yourself through it until you have gone through lots of therapy and know how to handle her? She will be tricky to handle.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 650168, member: 1550"] Speaking of walking on eggshells, there is a great book called Stop Walking on Eggshells for those dealing with a borderline! Here it is, in case you may want to read it! I tried posting the link, but the forum won't let me. Not sure why. Anyhow, it is called Stop Walking on Eggshells by [MEDIA=amazon]1572246901[/MEDIA] Paul Mason, MS and Randi Kreger. You can order it off of Amazon. I don't mean to sound harsh. I just tell it like I see it and had to face the same with my own kids in order to learn how to heal from their cruelty. I had one grown child who walked out of my life and that was really hard. In my family-of-origin I've had to almost walk from all of them and I believe my sister has borderline and that my mother did. The more I tried, the less it worked (to make them like me). So I learned coping skills and realistic thinking to get me through and I stopped the magical thinking of "If I'm Just Nice Enough They Will Change." People are what they are and they only change their basic personalities with intensive therapy and very hard work and a strong desire...and they have to be able to look at and accept their own flaws and stop blaming others. Nothing else changes them, not even a pregnancy that WE see as sacred. Most are horrible mothers, which...YOU ARE NOT! Don't join in your daughter's cruel game and don't participate with those who still do. Just tell them calmly, "Sorry, but I am keeping this between your sister/stepdaughter and me and I will not listen to anything you know unless she tells me. It is getting too out of control and I prefer to simplify my life and enjoy it more now." Smile and be firm. Be certain to leave the room hastily if they insist on continuing to tell you things or if they say, "But I just thought you'd want to know..." Cut them off as you walk away and say, "No, I really don't. I have something to do now." Change the subject and get out of there. If I were you, which I'm not, I'd not answer your borderline's text messages for a long time right now and keep her on low contact. As a borderline, she is never going to be straight up good to you unless she wants something and she is going to lie a lot. So why put yourself through it until you have gone through lots of therapy and know how to handle her? She will be tricky to handle. [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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