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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 650170" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Calm down. That is what th ey do. It is their game plan. My mother did this. You know what will send a strong message to all? You're lack of a response. My mother and sister have both done this. If your stepdaughter wants to play, you can't stop her, but your meltdown is part of her game. Do not act upset around her. You need a therapist for that. Just nod and say, "Ok."</p><p></p><p>Borderlines usually blow their covers to everyone. It just takes time. Hang out with those outside of your family for now and realize you are up against a MASTER of manipulation who can act charming when it suits her needs. Even if you have no money, wherever you live there must be free counseling somewhere. We even have it in the U.s...lol. If you have a religious preference you can talk to your pastor.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is unwell, yes, but borderlines don't just get well. Most never go for help. It's not your place to force the issue since she will probably never decide she is ill and to change. She is not psychotic. She knows right from wrong. She knows what she is doing is not nice, and she doesn't care. You can only change yourself, not her. Don't waste your time. A counselor can not help her if she does not believe she needs to change and dialectal behavioral therapy is the only type of therapy known to help willing and eager and very hardworking borderlines. Most of the time, the borderlines con their own therapists. Don't wait for your daughter to change. Change yourself and your reaction to her sick games and do all you can to learn how to not get drawn into them, even if the rest of your family does. And seek companionship outside of your family. You'll get a view of normalcy! Everyone is so wrapped up in your daughter's illness and so eager not to be her target that they are playing her game. You need to bow out of the game. You can overcome your own reaction to her, but you can not help her. Personality disordered individuals are liars, troublemakers, like to gaslight (look this up), and play divide and conquer and will do so if you let them. They enjoy the chaos and fighting and drama, but if something happens to THEM it's "poor me." But dfon't try to help. It will never be enough and will be YOUR fault if you step in again out of your having a good heart. She won't appreciate it.</p><p></p><p>All I can advise is not to play, no matter how hard it is. I'm sorry about your granddaughter, but she will need to learn how to overcome her mother one day and her mother will use her against you. It's not worth it. You can't save her either. Having borderline does not make one legally an "unfit" mother. It is not th e kind of mental illness where one can not work or feed or clothe the child. Just get yourself out of the game. Do it now. Don't play. Hugs!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 650170, member: 1550"] Calm down. That is what th ey do. It is their game plan. My mother did this. You know what will send a strong message to all? You're lack of a response. My mother and sister have both done this. If your stepdaughter wants to play, you can't stop her, but your meltdown is part of her game. Do not act upset around her. You need a therapist for that. Just nod and say, "Ok." Borderlines usually blow their covers to everyone. It just takes time. Hang out with those outside of your family for now and realize you are up against a MASTER of manipulation who can act charming when it suits her needs. Even if you have no money, wherever you live there must be free counseling somewhere. We even have it in the U.s...lol. If you have a religious preference you can talk to your pastor. Your daughter is unwell, yes, but borderlines don't just get well. Most never go for help. It's not your place to force the issue since she will probably never decide she is ill and to change. She is not psychotic. She knows right from wrong. She knows what she is doing is not nice, and she doesn't care. You can only change yourself, not her. Don't waste your time. A counselor can not help her if she does not believe she needs to change and dialectal behavioral therapy is the only type of therapy known to help willing and eager and very hardworking borderlines. Most of the time, the borderlines con their own therapists. Don't wait for your daughter to change. Change yourself and your reaction to her sick games and do all you can to learn how to not get drawn into them, even if the rest of your family does. And seek companionship outside of your family. You'll get a view of normalcy! Everyone is so wrapped up in your daughter's illness and so eager not to be her target that they are playing her game. You need to bow out of the game. You can overcome your own reaction to her, but you can not help her. Personality disordered individuals are liars, troublemakers, like to gaslight (look this up), and play divide and conquer and will do so if you let them. They enjoy the chaos and fighting and drama, but if something happens to THEM it's "poor me." But dfon't try to help. It will never be enough and will be YOUR fault if you step in again out of your having a good heart. She won't appreciate it. All I can advise is not to play, no matter how hard it is. I'm sorry about your granddaughter, but she will need to learn how to overcome her mother one day and her mother will use her against you. It's not worth it. You can't save her either. Having borderline does not make one legally an "unfit" mother. It is not th e kind of mental illness where one can not work or feed or clothe the child. Just get yourself out of the game. Do it now. Don't play. Hugs!!!! [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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