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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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<blockquote data-quote="Lioness" data-source="post: 650203" data-attributes="member: 18827"><p>Think this will be my mantra "Detach, detach, detach" After reading every reply I must say a big Thank you to all of you for your words of wisdom, and sympathy. MidwestMom you are so right. I do believe it can be hereditary as my Mum cut me out of her life 25 years ago,she never bothered with any of my kids or me. She played these games too and pitted my sister against me all our lives. My sister and I only see each other maybe 3 times a year and only live 15 minutes away from each other. She too will come literally to a restaurant down the road and not visit me. When I had a cancer scare last year, she knew about it but never contacted me to see if the results were ok or not. I don't want to repeat history with my daughter but it seems inevitable. Today I went to the cinema and for two hours forgot my situation. I do believe that my daughter has Borderline personality disorder maybe with a little narcissim thrown in. She behaves like my mum a lot. I never connected the dots until I joined this forum. I spent the rest of the day researching these subjects, and it scares me that my daughter is like that. I still think it could be partly my fault as some articles state that its also environmental as in someones childhood. Her Dad left when she was 12 for his secretary, and I took him back two times. We argued a great deal as he mistreated us and was a very selfish man. He neglected the kids emotionally and physically. When he finally left I was devastated as we had been together since we were 16 so at 36 I was alone with 3 kids under the age of 12. I cried so much and was very angry. My daughter sided with him and blamed me for his leaving, even when he told her he was to blame. I tried so hard to be a good Mum but at times I lost my temper and shouted at her when she was rude, or in trouble at school. I never hit her ever, even when she hit and shoved me. I didn't want to be like my Mum. She would be very nasty to me then sweet as honey the next with other people. She would lie, steal from me, stay out all night and only be nice if she wanted something. Once she had what she wanted she would be horrible again. I don't even want to see her next week for my birthday as its all false. She may contact me as she doesn't want her siblings to think shes bad. But I don't even want to see her now, I just dont</p><p> want to lose my grand daughter. If I m too busy she will tell them its my fault and that she tried. She is so clever. I am a typical piscean who wears her heart on her sleeve. I need to toughen up. I feel pathetic. My mum rejected me, my ex husband, my Dad and now my daughter. At times like this I feel there must be something wrong with me. But I know deep down I am not a bad person, my heart is always in the right place. I never hurt any one on purpose and If I do hurt someone I always apologise. I need to focus on positivity and good people around me. Your mum sounds a lot like mine and I can't believe how hard you have had it with your family too. I m really sad for you and feel bad that you too have suffered with all this craziness toxic behaviours. Its so sad, If only we could all sit down and talk and get to a better place. But unfortunately it takes two willing people to have a relationship. With people such as these they take and don't give anything in return except abuse. Thanks again for everything to everyone out there. I really appreciate this forum, its given me a life line.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lioness, post: 650203, member: 18827"] Think this will be my mantra "Detach, detach, detach" After reading every reply I must say a big Thank you to all of you for your words of wisdom, and sympathy. MidwestMom you are so right. I do believe it can be hereditary as my Mum cut me out of her life 25 years ago,she never bothered with any of my kids or me. She played these games too and pitted my sister against me all our lives. My sister and I only see each other maybe 3 times a year and only live 15 minutes away from each other. She too will come literally to a restaurant down the road and not visit me. When I had a cancer scare last year, she knew about it but never contacted me to see if the results were ok or not. I don't want to repeat history with my daughter but it seems inevitable. Today I went to the cinema and for two hours forgot my situation. I do believe that my daughter has Borderline personality disorder maybe with a little narcissim thrown in. She behaves like my mum a lot. I never connected the dots until I joined this forum. I spent the rest of the day researching these subjects, and it scares me that my daughter is like that. I still think it could be partly my fault as some articles state that its also environmental as in someones childhood. Her Dad left when she was 12 for his secretary, and I took him back two times. We argued a great deal as he mistreated us and was a very selfish man. He neglected the kids emotionally and physically. When he finally left I was devastated as we had been together since we were 16 so at 36 I was alone with 3 kids under the age of 12. I cried so much and was very angry. My daughter sided with him and blamed me for his leaving, even when he told her he was to blame. I tried so hard to be a good Mum but at times I lost my temper and shouted at her when she was rude, or in trouble at school. I never hit her ever, even when she hit and shoved me. I didn't want to be like my Mum. She would be very nasty to me then sweet as honey the next with other people. She would lie, steal from me, stay out all night and only be nice if she wanted something. Once she had what she wanted she would be horrible again. I don't even want to see her next week for my birthday as its all false. She may contact me as she doesn't want her siblings to think shes bad. But I don't even want to see her now, I just dont want to lose my grand daughter. If I m too busy she will tell them its my fault and that she tried. She is so clever. I am a typical piscean who wears her heart on her sleeve. I need to toughen up. I feel pathetic. My mum rejected me, my ex husband, my Dad and now my daughter. At times like this I feel there must be something wrong with me. But I know deep down I am not a bad person, my heart is always in the right place. I never hurt any one on purpose and If I do hurt someone I always apologise. I need to focus on positivity and good people around me. Your mum sounds a lot like mine and I can't believe how hard you have had it with your family too. I m really sad for you and feel bad that you too have suffered with all this craziness toxic behaviours. Its so sad, If only we could all sit down and talk and get to a better place. But unfortunately it takes two willing people to have a relationship. With people such as these they take and don't give anything in return except abuse. Thanks again for everything to everyone out there. I really appreciate this forum, its given me a life line. [/QUOTE]
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What have i done so wrong to make my adult daughter dislike me so much?
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