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What have I done? What do I do?
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<blockquote data-quote="hexemaus2" data-source="post: 391341" data-attributes="member: 4560"><p>Oh boy, do I know what you're feeling - being afraid of your own child. been there done that.</p><p> </p><p>In our case, my oldest son (difficult child 2) would have severe violent meltdowns in which he would strike out at everyone and anyone in his path. He beat my youngest son (difficult child 3) to the point of needing an ambulance and trips to the ER twice. We called the police. I begged judges, DFCS case workers, psychiatrists, and every other professional in the book to get us help.</p><p> </p><p>Our problem was that difficult child 2 was caught between developmental disabilities (that mental health wouldn't touch because they weren't "equipped" for developmentally disabled) and mental health issues (that developmental disability people wouldn't touch because THEY weren't equipped.) In the meantime, I was left with a 225lb raging teenage boy that even FOUR fully grown police officers had trouble restraining.</p><p> </p><p>My best advice is to document, document, document. I carried around and expandable file with every letter and fax sent or received, every discharge slip, every court order, lists of phone calls with dates, times, person spoken to, conversations had, emails, meeting notes, prescription histories, evaluation reports, police reports, transportation records, everything. My son's entire life history was in that folder. That folder saved headaches with DFCS, the court system, as well as serving as a record for any new professionals who got involved in his treatment. </p><p> </p><p>It's hard to argue with a parent who can recite "I spoke with so-and-so on such-and-such date, at such-and-such time about this. His/her advice/response/recommendation was xyz" as opposed to "I talked with a lady at DFCS several times." The fact that I could also back that up with email confirmations (I would send an email as "confirmation" of a discussion, just to "confirm" with that person what I understood to be their stance. Great way to document phone calls!) made it that much more concrete evidence in my favor. </p><p> </p><p>Heaven help the moron who ever tried to accuse me of anything - neglect, abuse, anything. And I have the wonderful parents here on the boards to thank for it. They are the ones who advised me to document, document, document. They are the ones who advised me to park my butt at this office or that until someone listened. Unfortunately, it didn't garner much in the way of residential services for my son, but it did ensure that no stone was ever left unturned and that the folks involved in his case knew I didn't pull any punches, nor could anyone accuse me of being anything but vigilent in seeking help for him and my other children.</p><p> </p><p>I did try to refuse to bring him home from psychiatric hospital admissions, on numerous occasions. They tried to scare me by saying I would be charged with abandonment and my other children would wind up in foster care while I went to prison. My response? Try it. I promise you, the media and my attorneys will have a field day with you guys. I can document nearly 10 years worth of advocating, begging, and in general making an <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> of myself - all in the name of getting my son help and protecting my other children. </p><p> </p><p>Luckily, it never had to come to that. While it never got us the residential treatment I so desperately felt he needed, it did force the professionals to find services for us. The more services we tried that didn't work, the better our position for court-ordered residential. Luckily, we eventually found answers that didn't require out of home placement - but it did require a complete and total life change for us. It worked out for the best in the end, but there were YEARS and YEARS I lived in fear. </p><p> </p><p>Document EVERYTHING.</p><p> </p><p>Don't be afriad to become "that" parent - the one that makes everyone gringe because she's a bulldog and won't let go once she sinks her teeth in. Being a Warrior Mom does tend to make you unpopular with certain professionals, but they sure can't argue you aren't doing all you can for your children.</p><p> </p><p>And come here often to ask for help, support, suggestions, ideas, or just to vent. The parents here are what got us through those very bleek, dark years with difficult child 2. They are the only reason I never quit. There was always one more thing to try, one more idea, one more avenue to pursue - and when I couldn't see it, the parents here lit the way for me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hexemaus2, post: 391341, member: 4560"] Oh boy, do I know what you're feeling - being afraid of your own child. been there done that. In our case, my oldest son (difficult child 2) would have severe violent meltdowns in which he would strike out at everyone and anyone in his path. He beat my youngest son (difficult child 3) to the point of needing an ambulance and trips to the ER twice. We called the police. I begged judges, DFCS case workers, psychiatrists, and every other professional in the book to get us help. Our problem was that difficult child 2 was caught between developmental disabilities (that mental health wouldn't touch because they weren't "equipped" for developmentally disabled) and mental health issues (that developmental disability people wouldn't touch because THEY weren't equipped.) In the meantime, I was left with a 225lb raging teenage boy that even FOUR fully grown police officers had trouble restraining. My best advice is to document, document, document. I carried around and expandable file with every letter and fax sent or received, every discharge slip, every court order, lists of phone calls with dates, times, person spoken to, conversations had, emails, meeting notes, prescription histories, evaluation reports, police reports, transportation records, everything. My son's entire life history was in that folder. That folder saved headaches with DFCS, the court system, as well as serving as a record for any new professionals who got involved in his treatment. It's hard to argue with a parent who can recite "I spoke with so-and-so on such-and-such date, at such-and-such time about this. His/her advice/response/recommendation was xyz" as opposed to "I talked with a lady at DFCS several times." The fact that I could also back that up with email confirmations (I would send an email as "confirmation" of a discussion, just to "confirm" with that person what I understood to be their stance. Great way to document phone calls!) made it that much more concrete evidence in my favor. Heaven help the moron who ever tried to accuse me of anything - neglect, abuse, anything. And I have the wonderful parents here on the boards to thank for it. They are the ones who advised me to document, document, document. They are the ones who advised me to park my butt at this office or that until someone listened. Unfortunately, it didn't garner much in the way of residential services for my son, but it did ensure that no stone was ever left unturned and that the folks involved in his case knew I didn't pull any punches, nor could anyone accuse me of being anything but vigilent in seeking help for him and my other children. I did try to refuse to bring him home from psychiatric hospital admissions, on numerous occasions. They tried to scare me by saying I would be charged with abandonment and my other children would wind up in foster care while I went to prison. My response? Try it. I promise you, the media and my attorneys will have a field day with you guys. I can document nearly 10 years worth of advocating, begging, and in general making an :censored2: of myself - all in the name of getting my son help and protecting my other children. Luckily, it never had to come to that. While it never got us the residential treatment I so desperately felt he needed, it did force the professionals to find services for us. The more services we tried that didn't work, the better our position for court-ordered residential. Luckily, we eventually found answers that didn't require out of home placement - but it did require a complete and total life change for us. It worked out for the best in the end, but there were YEARS and YEARS I lived in fear. Document EVERYTHING. Don't be afriad to become "that" parent - the one that makes everyone gringe because she's a bulldog and won't let go once she sinks her teeth in. Being a Warrior Mom does tend to make you unpopular with certain professionals, but they sure can't argue you aren't doing all you can for your children. And come here often to ask for help, support, suggestions, ideas, or just to vent. The parents here are what got us through those very bleek, dark years with difficult child 2. They are the only reason I never quit. There was always one more thing to try, one more idea, one more avenue to pursue - and when I couldn't see it, the parents here lit the way for me. [/QUOTE]
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