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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 391374" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You are on the right track. Hex has EXCELLENT advice, esp with the email confirmation of phone calls and personal discussions - if you cannot send email because you cannot get someone's email addy, call their secretary/main office # at a time when the person will be at lunch and tell them that you were supposed to email something to her and had a computer "glitch" and now cannot find it. Or send the letter via the mail, though that is not always as useful. Or just fax it to them, I find faxing can be much easier than mailing. Just make SURE you type/write up what was said in the phone call/personal discussion because then there is a record. without a record it is he said/she said and parents' just don't carry that much weight (which is wrong on so many levels! of course). I add personal discussions because often people will promise anything to get you to go away or to let them do something and then they claim they didn't say whatever. </p><p> </p><p>I know one mom here who includes a line somewhere in every email/letter that if it is not challenged/changed with-in 30 calendar days then the contents will stand as an accurate record. Like so many businesses, she sets this to fine print and it usually is at the bottom of the email/fax, but it is still there. Later she can say that NO ONE gave any response so clearly they agreed that this is an accurate record of the conversation. I used to do this all the time on business letters as a secretary at a bank, but for some reason I forgot about doing it with our difficult child stuff. </p><p> </p><p>Child protection can be a WONDERFUL resource IF you get a good social worker, which it seems that you have. I am very glad!! You also should go to a domestic violence center in your area. If you don't want to go to one near you, pick one in a neighboring area. They can be a great resource. At the least you will get individual therapy and likely therapy for the kids. They have the best experts to treat kids who have been abused, often better than you can access outside of them, because theirs are not just trained but have substantial experience too. This should all be free, regardless of your income. they will also have other resources for you. Ours did not have experience wtih a parent being abused by a child, but they were a huge help for me anyway. They may even be willing to come to court with you to help advocate for you and for your other children, which if nothing else makes you feel a whole lot less alone and less like David fighting an army of Goliaths.</p><p> </p><p>They will have resources for your difficult child, the abuser, IF she wishes to try. Being approached this way, by people who deal with abusers, may cause her to see herself in an entirely new light. This may or may not be good, of course. Some people feel very powerful, others feel deep shame (which is what they should feel, in my opinion) and are willing to try to change, even if only for a short time. </p><p> </p><p>YOU will be empowered and helped, and so will your little ones, if you seek out domestic violence help. I think that more and more centers will see cases where kids are abusing parents and siblings over the next decade, and it will be the next area that really gets attention. That will ONLY happen if more of us actually go to the DV centers for help though.</p><p> </p><p>One of the nicest things about therapy through our DV center was that they had tdocs available outside of the 8-6 time period, so that help can be given with-o making you take time off of work. They also do NOT even nod at you in public unless you make the first move. This isn't just the first time, it is EVERY time. ANYONE who works at a DV center and doesn't follow this needs to be reported because they could put someone at great risk. It means that you have control over something, and that you can be sure they won't send your abuser into a rage. The tdocs/staff do NOT mind being ignored in public, they understand why it is important!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 391374, member: 1233"] You are on the right track. Hex has EXCELLENT advice, esp with the email confirmation of phone calls and personal discussions - if you cannot send email because you cannot get someone's email addy, call their secretary/main office # at a time when the person will be at lunch and tell them that you were supposed to email something to her and had a computer "glitch" and now cannot find it. Or send the letter via the mail, though that is not always as useful. Or just fax it to them, I find faxing can be much easier than mailing. Just make SURE you type/write up what was said in the phone call/personal discussion because then there is a record. without a record it is he said/she said and parents' just don't carry that much weight (which is wrong on so many levels! of course). I add personal discussions because often people will promise anything to get you to go away or to let them do something and then they claim they didn't say whatever. I know one mom here who includes a line somewhere in every email/letter that if it is not challenged/changed with-in 30 calendar days then the contents will stand as an accurate record. Like so many businesses, she sets this to fine print and it usually is at the bottom of the email/fax, but it is still there. Later she can say that NO ONE gave any response so clearly they agreed that this is an accurate record of the conversation. I used to do this all the time on business letters as a secretary at a bank, but for some reason I forgot about doing it with our difficult child stuff. Child protection can be a WONDERFUL resource IF you get a good social worker, which it seems that you have. I am very glad!! You also should go to a domestic violence center in your area. If you don't want to go to one near you, pick one in a neighboring area. They can be a great resource. At the least you will get individual therapy and likely therapy for the kids. They have the best experts to treat kids who have been abused, often better than you can access outside of them, because theirs are not just trained but have substantial experience too. This should all be free, regardless of your income. they will also have other resources for you. Ours did not have experience wtih a parent being abused by a child, but they were a huge help for me anyway. They may even be willing to come to court with you to help advocate for you and for your other children, which if nothing else makes you feel a whole lot less alone and less like David fighting an army of Goliaths. They will have resources for your difficult child, the abuser, IF she wishes to try. Being approached this way, by people who deal with abusers, may cause her to see herself in an entirely new light. This may or may not be good, of course. Some people feel very powerful, others feel deep shame (which is what they should feel, in my opinion) and are willing to try to change, even if only for a short time. YOU will be empowered and helped, and so will your little ones, if you seek out domestic violence help. I think that more and more centers will see cases where kids are abusing parents and siblings over the next decade, and it will be the next area that really gets attention. That will ONLY happen if more of us actually go to the DV centers for help though. One of the nicest things about therapy through our DV center was that they had tdocs available outside of the 8-6 time period, so that help can be given with-o making you take time off of work. They also do NOT even nod at you in public unless you make the first move. This isn't just the first time, it is EVERY time. ANYONE who works at a DV center and doesn't follow this needs to be reported because they could put someone at great risk. It means that you have control over something, and that you can be sure they won't send your abuser into a rage. The tdocs/staff do NOT mind being ignored in public, they understand why it is important! [/QUOTE]
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