What have I raised?

[Sherril2000]

Thank you. I've done exactly what you have, looking back , thinking, if I had done this or that, would he have turned out this way? Hitting your son with- a wooden spoon didn't hurt him , but I bet it got his attention. I'm so glad to hear your sons no longer in jail. Praying he becomes the loving, productive son you're hoping for.

 

[Copabanana]

My son was incarcerated after making many very poor choices and possibly, at least partly, due to the fact that I hit him with a wooden spoon???!??!?

This is so funny my stomach hurts. The wooden spoon defense. Right up there with Twinkies. And OJ's leather gloves.

Seeking, this is utterly hilarious. I am still doubled up with laughter.

 

[Lil]

I've done exactly what you have, looking back , thinking, if I had done this or that, would he have turned out this way?

I have a feeling ever mother on this board has done that. I've often wondered if Jabber and I didn't pay enough attention to him, if we should have pushed him more, if we pushed him too much, if we were too hard on him and if we were too easy on him. Should we have gone to church more? Should we have put him in private school? I want to "help" him to prove I love him. To make up for not having shown him enough love. Even though he wanted for nothing. Even though I told him I loved him ever single day of his life.

I've thought...we promised to take him digging for diamonds in Arkansas. We never did. It may be the only promise we never kept.

That was it. He's turned out this way because we didn't take him to dig for diamonds in Arkansas when he was 9. So as a teenager he's lied and stolen and done drugs and ....

Maybe not.

Seriously - if anyone reading this has NOT wondered, at least in the beginning, what they did wrong - speak up. I would LOVE to know how you managed to not blame yourself.

 

[Sherril2000]

So true. I guess, as mothers, we want so badly for them to be "ok" that it's easy for us to blame ourselves. Making it my priority to only look forward from now on. Does no good looking back!

 

[pasajes4]

Seriously - if anyone reading this has NOT wondered, at least in the beginning, what they did wrong - speak up. I would LOVE to know how you managed to not blame yourself.

I tell myself this everyday. I follow that up with every negative incident that ever occurred over the years and what role I may have played in it.

 

[Childofmine]

Yep, been there done that but Sherrill, it's not about you, never was about you, and never will be about you. It's on HIM.

To come at it from another direction---I've said this before, and I know it sounds kind of weird, but it really resonates with me---I'm not powerful enough to make somebody become a drug addict. You're not either.

To make somebody become a drug addict and steal things and break the law would make you and me the Power Princesses of All Time. And guess what---that's right---that's a comic book character. Read: not real.

We can't make anybody do a single thing they don't want to do. We all have choices, and they have choices, and your son has chosen. I'm so glad you didn't entertain for one second the idea that you might pay off anything for him.

Not gonna' happen. Hang in there Sherrill. We get it. We get you. And we get him.