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What have we learned to help us cope, to make us stronger?
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 601427" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Beautifully written, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p><p></p><p>I like what you said about "balance point." I like what you said about putting the focus on yourself. I think we have all met women who seem so strong, so healthy and happy and calm and centered, and wish we could be more like that. I know I have.</p><p></p><p>I must still be too enmeshed with difficult child to feel the balance point. But I will look for it, now, when things seem overwhelming.</p><p></p><p>I agree with what you said about the Buddhist teachings about attachment. I wonder if what they meant was attachment to who we think we are or should be? Not so much an attachment to wealth, as an attachment to the idea that we are worthier if we have wealth ~ that we need to be someone else, and are not enough, in ourselves; not so much an attachment to our children, but to that idea that we are worthier if our children have met or exceeded societal expectations ~ which would mean we have done well (as opposed to failing, to not being bright or healthy enough) to parent, at all.</p><p></p><p>I'm getting in too deep for myself, here.</p><p></p><p>What an interesting concept though Recovering, about the role my own fear of failure, my own certainty that I have failed, plays in the demand to punish myself with depression. Or unhealthy food. None of which is going to change anything for difficult child, at all. Or...okay, here is an example. When I go shopping, I invariably throw myself into some kind of horrible state of guilt over what I am not buying for anyone else.</p><p></p><p>It happens every time. Like a panic attack, almost, except that I am very clear about not feeling that I deserve to be shopping for things for myself.</p><p></p><p>I can do like, underwear and shampoo. Nail polish? Not so good. Makeup? Total meltdown. Something nice to wear? Not as bad, but definitely there. I always attribute it to all the choices.</p><p></p><p>Or something.</p><p></p><p>I will have to take a closer look at that.</p><p></p><p>Interesting post, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>Lots to think about.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 601427, member: 1721"] Beautifully written, Recovering. Thank you. I like what you said about "balance point." I like what you said about putting the focus on yourself. I think we have all met women who seem so strong, so healthy and happy and calm and centered, and wish we could be more like that. I know I have. I must still be too enmeshed with difficult child to feel the balance point. But I will look for it, now, when things seem overwhelming. I agree with what you said about the Buddhist teachings about attachment. I wonder if what they meant was attachment to who we think we are or should be? Not so much an attachment to wealth, as an attachment to the idea that we are worthier if we have wealth ~ that we need to be someone else, and are not enough, in ourselves; not so much an attachment to our children, but to that idea that we are worthier if our children have met or exceeded societal expectations ~ which would mean we have done well (as opposed to failing, to not being bright or healthy enough) to parent, at all. I'm getting in too deep for myself, here. What an interesting concept though Recovering, about the role my own fear of failure, my own certainty that I have failed, plays in the demand to punish myself with depression. Or unhealthy food. None of which is going to change anything for difficult child, at all. Or...okay, here is an example. When I go shopping, I invariably throw myself into some kind of horrible state of guilt over what I am not buying for anyone else. It happens every time. Like a panic attack, almost, except that I am very clear about not feeling that I deserve to be shopping for things for myself. I can do like, underwear and shampoo. Nail polish? Not so good. Makeup? Total meltdown. Something nice to wear? Not as bad, but definitely there. I always attribute it to all the choices. Or something. I will have to take a closer look at that. Interesting post, Recovering. Lots to think about. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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