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What I feared has arrived, now what?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 500491" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>((((((((((hugs)))))))))))</p><p></p><p>I am so sad that you are having to deal with all of this. You have done an awesome job of setting up a support system to help you through all of this. That is AWESOME! PLEASE don't keep tellng yourself that you have to be "okay". Of course you are not "basically okay", NO ONE in your situation could be. Not the first time. You love your daughter, have so much anger and pain inside, and you are lost and confused. Those things are not being OKAY but they also are not being "broken" because you have supports in place to help you through. PLEASE use your supports and don't pull away from them. When people don't use the supports is when they slip into the same illness that has overwhelmed their loved one. </p><p></p><p>It may be hard to understand, but it is okay to not be okay. I can't say it any better (have tried) but basically you need help to get through and that is okay because you found the right supports. Just be wary because this is the time when some relatives slip into their own addictions to deal with the stress of a loved ones' meltdown. That doesn't help you or anyone else. NOT sayng a glass of wine is bad, but more watch WHY you drink and if you really really want it then maybe you need to not have it. I don't have ANY idea that you have this problem. I am saying this ONLY because I have seen my own loved ones slip into this pattern. So it is more a warning that it could happen than seeing ANY signs of this in you.</p><p></p><p>I think talking to your daughter ended up being okay. She needs to have this breakdown. Having it in jail iwth NO way to numb her feelings is actually GOOD. They will make sure that she has medical attention if she is detoxing from alcohol or drugs, and she won't be allowed to hurt herself. If you think she wants to hurt herself then you need to alert them and the jail will put her on suicide watch. It won't be fun for her, but she will be safe and that is more than she has been in a long time. She NEEDS to breakdown so that she can start to rebuild. I hope and pray that they keep her inside the jail because that will be the safest place for her right now. </p><p></p><p>As for the cats, I know you don't want them euthanized but it is SUPER hard to find homes for cats. Shelters are overwhelmed with them most of the time. You COULD take the wrong way and put them in a box at the shelter's door and they will have no choice but most of them around here have surveillance now because it happens so often and is a BIG problem. You can also put a listing on craigslist but a lot of times you get hoarders answering those ads. We had a cockatiel and it took months to find a home for her because most of the responses were from hoarders. In our area we can call animal control and the humane society and ask if a person is on their list of area hoarders. I don't know if every area keeps a list or can tell you if someone is on it. here I guess no one has complained yet so I checked people out on the list and got a lot of them wanting the bird. I do know that our area freecycle seems to have a good record of placing cats, so you might try that. Here they suggest you deliver the animal so if the home is inappropriate then you will know it. I don't know if that will be possible for you. </p><p></p><p>You are handling this as well as can be expected and I hope in the long run that it is a huge wake-up call and your daughter gets the help she needs. We are here for you no matter what happens.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 500491, member: 1233"] ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) I am so sad that you are having to deal with all of this. You have done an awesome job of setting up a support system to help you through all of this. That is AWESOME! PLEASE don't keep tellng yourself that you have to be "okay". Of course you are not "basically okay", NO ONE in your situation could be. Not the first time. You love your daughter, have so much anger and pain inside, and you are lost and confused. Those things are not being OKAY but they also are not being "broken" because you have supports in place to help you through. PLEASE use your supports and don't pull away from them. When people don't use the supports is when they slip into the same illness that has overwhelmed their loved one. It may be hard to understand, but it is okay to not be okay. I can't say it any better (have tried) but basically you need help to get through and that is okay because you found the right supports. Just be wary because this is the time when some relatives slip into their own addictions to deal with the stress of a loved ones' meltdown. That doesn't help you or anyone else. NOT sayng a glass of wine is bad, but more watch WHY you drink and if you really really want it then maybe you need to not have it. I don't have ANY idea that you have this problem. I am saying this ONLY because I have seen my own loved ones slip into this pattern. So it is more a warning that it could happen than seeing ANY signs of this in you. I think talking to your daughter ended up being okay. She needs to have this breakdown. Having it in jail iwth NO way to numb her feelings is actually GOOD. They will make sure that she has medical attention if she is detoxing from alcohol or drugs, and she won't be allowed to hurt herself. If you think she wants to hurt herself then you need to alert them and the jail will put her on suicide watch. It won't be fun for her, but she will be safe and that is more than she has been in a long time. She NEEDS to breakdown so that she can start to rebuild. I hope and pray that they keep her inside the jail because that will be the safest place for her right now. As for the cats, I know you don't want them euthanized but it is SUPER hard to find homes for cats. Shelters are overwhelmed with them most of the time. You COULD take the wrong way and put them in a box at the shelter's door and they will have no choice but most of them around here have surveillance now because it happens so often and is a BIG problem. You can also put a listing on craigslist but a lot of times you get hoarders answering those ads. We had a cockatiel and it took months to find a home for her because most of the responses were from hoarders. In our area we can call animal control and the humane society and ask if a person is on their list of area hoarders. I don't know if every area keeps a list or can tell you if someone is on it. here I guess no one has complained yet so I checked people out on the list and got a lot of them wanting the bird. I do know that our area freecycle seems to have a good record of placing cats, so you might try that. Here they suggest you deliver the animal so if the home is inappropriate then you will know it. I don't know if that will be possible for you. You are handling this as well as can be expected and I hope in the long run that it is a huge wake-up call and your daughter gets the help she needs. We are here for you no matter what happens. [/QUOTE]
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What I feared has arrived, now what?
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