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What I feared has arrived, now what?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 500510" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>You are so right, I am not okay, I am a huge mass of different feelings all colliding in at once. Thanks. You said all the right things. I do have an awesome support system, plus I have all of you! My man is handling all the cat details, Bless him. The police called back and said we can't do anything with the cats yet, since they belong to my daughter, the police could be sued for taking them and we could be too. So, my girlfriend, who is in the animal rescue world is coming over tomorrow to bring large crates so we can put them on the porch so they have fresh air and more room. The shelter behaviorist told her the cats need to get out of the car and be cuddled, held, touched so they don't adapt to these bizarre conditions and become ultimately un-adoptable. So, that is what I will do. The old girl will stay in my granddaughters bathroom for the next few days. If my daughter has to stay in jail beyond Tuesday, I don't know what to do, but I think I'll have to take this one step at a time. I feel a tad better. Thank you. I do not drink, do drugs, take medications, or self medicate in any way, unless of course you include chocolate <em>and then all bets are off. </em> <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/likeit.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":likeit:" title="likeit :likeit:" data-shortname=":likeit:" />Otherwise, I'm deeply entrenched in reality, and man, sometimes it can be brutal out here. Emotionally, I am not okay, I feel highly stressed, very angry, extremely sad, resentful of this falling into my lap once again, afraid for what will happen next, afraid nothing will change, afraid something will happen to her that is devastating to her and yet, I think the only way out for her is to feel the devastatingly painful feelings of sorrow and loss and also the recognition of her behavior and to take responsibility for it. That would break me down. She's a tough nut though, I believe all the losses have made her heart like stone so she doesn't have to feel the pain of loss. She has been angry for 12 years. And cruel too. She is not a nice person. She is not someone I want to be around, or I imagine anyone would want to be around. My fiancee says she has a vortex that sucks all the joy out of the room and then leaves a wake of negative energy. That's exactly true too. And, she is my only child and this is what she has become. That is hard to fathom. I am by all accounts a kind compassionate, giving, strong person, my daughter is simply strong, nothing kind or nice or compassionate or giving about her. Geez. That's really hard to say and to know. This is not what I thought it would be like. We never hang out, or go shopping or to dinner or talk on the phone. I listen and pay for her drama and intensity, she is addicted to drama. She makes only terrible choices and then blames them on someone else. Nothing is ever her responsibility. She is a person I don't like at all. There is nothing to like. Wow. This truth is hurtful to say, but it is the truth. I hope this gets better soon, she will do what she does, I have no control over that, I think I have accepted that, and now all the feelings of letting go are coming up. All my friends have rallied around me, I have the best therapy support group, even a few folks at work are showing up for me, friends are calling all the time and dropping by trying to help me. I used to do everything all by myself, for years, and this is <u><em><strong>SO</strong></em></u> much better, even though its hard, and it is, I am not alone, and that makes all the difference in the world. <span style="color: #ff0000">Being loved is a wonderful salve for the wounded heart.</span> Thank you for listening to me, thanks for your input, thanks for being here for me, it helps so much, so very much. I am very grateful. God bless. Hugs right back at ya!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 500510, member: 13542"] You are so right, I am not okay, I am a huge mass of different feelings all colliding in at once. Thanks. You said all the right things. I do have an awesome support system, plus I have all of you! My man is handling all the cat details, Bless him. The police called back and said we can't do anything with the cats yet, since they belong to my daughter, the police could be sued for taking them and we could be too. So, my girlfriend, who is in the animal rescue world is coming over tomorrow to bring large crates so we can put them on the porch so they have fresh air and more room. The shelter behaviorist told her the cats need to get out of the car and be cuddled, held, touched so they don't adapt to these bizarre conditions and become ultimately un-adoptable. So, that is what I will do. The old girl will stay in my granddaughters bathroom for the next few days. If my daughter has to stay in jail beyond Tuesday, I don't know what to do, but I think I'll have to take this one step at a time. I feel a tad better. Thank you. I do not drink, do drugs, take medications, or self medicate in any way, unless of course you include chocolate [I]and then all bets are off. [/I] :likeit:Otherwise, I'm deeply entrenched in reality, and man, sometimes it can be brutal out here. Emotionally, I am not okay, I feel highly stressed, very angry, extremely sad, resentful of this falling into my lap once again, afraid for what will happen next, afraid nothing will change, afraid something will happen to her that is devastating to her and yet, I think the only way out for her is to feel the devastatingly painful feelings of sorrow and loss and also the recognition of her behavior and to take responsibility for it. That would break me down. She's a tough nut though, I believe all the losses have made her heart like stone so she doesn't have to feel the pain of loss. She has been angry for 12 years. And cruel too. She is not a nice person. She is not someone I want to be around, or I imagine anyone would want to be around. My fiancee says she has a vortex that sucks all the joy out of the room and then leaves a wake of negative energy. That's exactly true too. And, she is my only child and this is what she has become. That is hard to fathom. I am by all accounts a kind compassionate, giving, strong person, my daughter is simply strong, nothing kind or nice or compassionate or giving about her. Geez. That's really hard to say and to know. This is not what I thought it would be like. We never hang out, or go shopping or to dinner or talk on the phone. I listen and pay for her drama and intensity, she is addicted to drama. She makes only terrible choices and then blames them on someone else. Nothing is ever her responsibility. She is a person I don't like at all. There is nothing to like. Wow. This truth is hurtful to say, but it is the truth. I hope this gets better soon, she will do what she does, I have no control over that, I think I have accepted that, and now all the feelings of letting go are coming up. All my friends have rallied around me, I have the best therapy support group, even a few folks at work are showing up for me, friends are calling all the time and dropping by trying to help me. I used to do everything all by myself, for years, and this is [U][I][B]SO[/B][/I][/U] much better, even though its hard, and it is, I am not alone, and that makes all the difference in the world. [COLOR=#ff0000]Being loved is a wonderful salve for the wounded heart.[/COLOR] Thank you for listening to me, thanks for your input, thanks for being here for me, it helps so much, so very much. I am very grateful. God bless. Hugs right back at ya! [/QUOTE]
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