What I was afraid of...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by CAmom, Mar 5, 2007.

  1. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    Well, he did it--was taken to the ER last evening after taking too much of a well-known cough/cold medicine. Thankfully, he's fine, but I don't think there's much hope that they'll keep him in the program after this stunt...
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well [expletive]!

    Im sure your heart is absolutely breaking over this turn of events. Dont you just want to shake them sometimes until their eyes roll and their brains rattle to get some sense into them? I have often wondered just what planet their common sense escaped to when they mess up so royally.

    Maybe this will get him transferred to a different program and not simply back to JH. I dont know, he needs to wake up and smell the coffee that he has to get with the program and he isnt in charge.
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    First, I am so sorry that he chose this as a means of getting attention or making you feel quilty.

    Repeat after me...
    "I did not do this." "I am not responsible."

    He made the choice to do this himself. He will try to lay the blame on you. Get ready for the onslaught.

    Your son certainly has issues that need to be addressed. Let the people who know what they are doing address those issues with your imput. I've said before, if I had stopped falling for my difficult child's manipulation, maybe things would not have gotten as bad as they got.
  4. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    Katmom, I'm repeating, I'm repeating...

    Before they put him on the phone last night, I could hear him in the background asking, "Is my mom crying?" So, when they put him on the phone, I bit my lip to keep my cool and did so.

    He didn't try to lay any guilt on me, however, and just said that he didn't know why he did what he did but that his head was "really messed up." I responded only that he was surrounded by professionals who could help him with whatever was going on with him, but it was up to him to take advantage of their help.

    My husband and I are, of course, devastated by this, but are grateful that he's in the hands of people who know what they're doing, as you said. Sigh...
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    You handled that beautifully!!! Great response. If these kids could only see what these choices are doing for their futures and that by just doing what they are supposed to, their lives could be so much easier.
  6. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    Thank-you, Karen. I also felt pretty good about how I managed to stay calm.

    THANKFULLY, his easy child said that he has no plans to terminate him, BUT his PO may feel differently. Still keeping my fingers crossed...
  7. AliceLee

    AliceLee New Member

    Good for you, CAMom!

    Sometimes I have a really hard time not crying in the presence of my difficult child. I have learned that it doesn't help at all...in fact it makes her more angry---guess she sees it as a weakness. She doesn't seem to have the ablility to empathize, at least with me.
  8. Loris

    Loris New Member

    I'm so sorry he is still trying to manipulate. Hopefully he will learn soon that he is making the wrong choices.
  9. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    The first words out of my mouth are WHAT??? :smile: It's almost like a dare.....

    I'm so sorry CaMom. But...you did fantastic :bravo: You held yourself together and didn't fall apart and didn't feed into any of the traps.

    I know how heartbreaking this is and I know you wish this nightmare of a rollercoaster would end. It will....sometime...we just don't know when.

    Keep repeating what Katmom said "it's not my fault" it's his choices. I know Suz and Scenty have both sent you the Serenity Prayer.

    He's where he needs to be, we'll be saying a prayer that he stays there too.

    (((sunny hugs)))
  10. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    CA Mom,

    First and foremost ... sending mega hugs your way. I can only imagine your heart slipping down to your knees when you received that phone call.

    I agree with the, "I did not do this" chant. This has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with your son, and attention getting or whatever is going on. Thankfully, as you said, he's with professionals who know how to deal with it.

    I know that does nothing for the pit in your stomach, but your reaction on the phone was great.

    Sending more hugs. Hang in there.
  11. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Your very welcome. I have found that my strength to not allow my difficult child to maninpulate me has been the best thing for him, never mind me.
  12. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    Karen, Loris, Janet, Sunny, Kat, everyone--THANKS for the kind words and for being here. It helps SO much!

    I must be doing something right--my son called again last night and still hasn't said a word about this incident being anyone's fault except his own. No blame, guilt trips, etc.--well, not yet anyway. I'm amazed...
  13. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    Deb, thanks for the hugs and support. I have been sick about this--not only that he would do something so potentially dangerous (I've read up on this cold medicine on the Internet) but that he could have so easily blown his chance to complete the great program that he's in. He can SO much be his own worst enemy...
  14. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    just want to tell you I hear you and I care.
    may this be a step on the road to a better life somehow for him.
  15. KFld

    KFld New Member

    You will learn, and it sounds like you already are, how much impact your reactions have on his behaviors. I am amazed when I look back at how much impact the changes I have made in my life and my responses have positively impacted my difficult child and his ways of thinking and acting.
  16. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    Ant's mom, thanks...reading through some of the things Ant has gone through and what you've through with him and how he's come out the other side gives me SUCH hope for my knucklehead.
  17. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} I hope he starts to climb upward from here.
  18. Merris

    Merris New Member

    I'm so sorry. What are these kids thinking? My difficult child smoked pot 2 days before he was to be released from Residential Treatment Center (RTC)?!?!?!

    I'm glad you were strong and your difficult child isn't playing the blame game with you. Stay strong. Maybe he is just testing because he wants to see if you will respond.


  19. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    Merris, you know, I have often wondered and still do if it has something to do with a fear of failure.

    My son, a couple of weeks before he could have earned his way home for Christmas, snuck out the window with a couple of boys after bedtime, and they were caught in the yard smoking a cigarette. He was already anxious about coming home because he was apparently very tempted when in the company of his neighborhood friends when he was home for Thanksgiving.

    It was almost like it was a relief to him to settle the issue of the visit home by doing something to ensure that the possibility was taken off the table. I've seen him do similar things so many times.

    Your son smoking pot two days before his release reminded me of this.

    TYLERFAN New Member

    I'm sorry CAMOM!!
    Sending Hugs and Prayers.

    Melissa :angel: