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What if Something Happened to Your Dad and I?
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 626869" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>This is an important conversation. I am also in the process of revising my will. I too will divide my estate evenly between my four kids, but difficult child's will be handled through a trust, for the same reasons Child mentioned above. Lucy, I totally agree with you that we should treat our kids the same.</p><p></p><p>My mom was fantastic this way. We knew from childhood on where she wanted to be buried and how. We used to plant flowers and picnic on her parents' grave every spring. I knew that she didn't want her life extended if she couldn't participate in the things she loved to do. She downsized when she was 70, and again when she was 80, and died at my sister's house under hospice care. I want to be like that.</p><p></p><p>My mother in law and father in law were terrified of death and refused to discuss it. They lived in a house with too many stairs that they couldn't manage while it crumbled around them. He was unsteady on his feet and refused a walker, so he clung to her arm, pulling her down on more than one occasion. He finally died after a fall, and she was totally unprepared. She slept in my ex's guest room for 6 months, isolated from her friends, with only the clothes she had packed to go to the hospital She refused to go to her house. She still refuses to sell it (2 years later) and my ex is hemorrhaging money supporting her in assisted living and paying her mortgage and taxes, because he says she gets too upset when he brings it up. He says he'll move to a smaller place himself before he upsets her (GFGdom and enabling in reverse!!). Their money is a disaster (there is none), and no one knew what he (father in law) wanted for a burial.</p><p></p><p>Death is part of life, inevitable, gracious, a respite from release from life well lived when we can no longer live it. Honest discussion around death and money between parents and kids is a GIFT. </p><p></p><p>And sharing how we will plan for our difficult child's is good for us.</p><p></p><p>I want to note...Lucy's son and my son, and I think Child's son, have not been aggressive or mean or demanding of us, except on occasion. If my kid treated me like hell consistently and for years, I might feel differently about evenly splitting my will. </p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 626869, member: 17269"] This is an important conversation. I am also in the process of revising my will. I too will divide my estate evenly between my four kids, but difficult child's will be handled through a trust, for the same reasons Child mentioned above. Lucy, I totally agree with you that we should treat our kids the same. My mom was fantastic this way. We knew from childhood on where she wanted to be buried and how. We used to plant flowers and picnic on her parents' grave every spring. I knew that she didn't want her life extended if she couldn't participate in the things she loved to do. She downsized when she was 70, and again when she was 80, and died at my sister's house under hospice care. I want to be like that. My mother in law and father in law were terrified of death and refused to discuss it. They lived in a house with too many stairs that they couldn't manage while it crumbled around them. He was unsteady on his feet and refused a walker, so he clung to her arm, pulling her down on more than one occasion. He finally died after a fall, and she was totally unprepared. She slept in my ex's guest room for 6 months, isolated from her friends, with only the clothes she had packed to go to the hospital She refused to go to her house. She still refuses to sell it (2 years later) and my ex is hemorrhaging money supporting her in assisted living and paying her mortgage and taxes, because he says she gets too upset when he brings it up. He says he'll move to a smaller place himself before he upsets her (GFGdom and enabling in reverse!!). Their money is a disaster (there is none), and no one knew what he (father in law) wanted for a burial. Death is part of life, inevitable, gracious, a respite from release from life well lived when we can no longer live it. Honest discussion around death and money between parents and kids is a GIFT. And sharing how we will plan for our difficult child's is good for us. I want to note...Lucy's son and my son, and I think Child's son, have not been aggressive or mean or demanding of us, except on occasion. If my kid treated me like hell consistently and for years, I might feel differently about evenly splitting my will. Echo [/QUOTE]
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