What if your kid was one race, but only wanted to be around white people?

Star*

call 911........call 911
MWM,

Being adopted, I have no clue what I am. A few things have popped up over the years in medical discoveries that make me think "HUH, now what could make THAT happen IF I'm?" and yet for a moment you think about it and it's a shrug and then nothing more than that. I have Thalassemia, which is similar to Sickle Cell in some way and yet - when you mention Sickle cell - certain races seem to be aghast when you say "I have Thalassemia." Not really knowing that there is a large majority of German blonde haired blue eyed people who have Sickle Cell Anemia. So once again - as my doctor would say - ignorance abounds. Thalassemia is mostly a trait of Mediteranian descent yet my family has absolutely NO Mediteranian heritage at all.

Now I had three sons. One Native American who went for Blondes and wanted NOTHING to do with girls of color. Yet he was dark skinned, and black haired. Then my middle son was Black. He went for white girls and loved Asians. You know how hard it was to find Asian girls whose Fathers would let them date a Black kid in the South? We have a HUGE population of Korean people here but it's next to tabu for them to date outside their own race according to the girls. Then my last kid Dude? He loved Girls...but went for girls of color, and his first oh I dunno 12 or so girlfriends were either Black or Latino, or Mixed, or Dominican, or Puerto Rican or a combo of all the above. And while I sat back and said "I don't care who they love as love as someone loves them back and treats them nicely?" In the back of my mind I kept thinking about the last couple of girls he dated - I think I mentioned the one here NOT because she was Dominican, Mixed, Puerto Rican and Latino - But because she was 17, on her own, covered in tattoos, piercings, living a life fit for a 40 year old hooker....and had the morals of well - she had none. She was raw, ugly, brash, and basically did the "OH your Mother this, your Mother that." and well - Personally YEAH..His Mother - this and his Mother that. We're pretty close and you're a twit. I prayed he'd dump her. Not because of her skin but because of the skin she occupied. She was awful. I was so glad when she went back to NY....and did a part of me wonder what their babies would have been like? HECK yeah. Again was it color? Well ---honestly yeah. I mean - what a mess. She was Dominican, PUerto Rican, Black, WHite, Latino, Portugeese, POlynesian mean as a snake and he was a mentally ill kid with no job, no future, and hadn't a clue about children......and truth be told netiher did she. I just couldn't see her sharing a Grandchild with me.

So does it count? Yes it does. But not so much for spots with spots.....as Cruella Deville would say ------but when you start mixing 100 nationalities and personalities and backgrounds and stand up and say "OH I'm not prejudiced." ?????? I'm so sorry - I'd have to cut my tongue out and call myself a liar. I am prejudiced, but not against color -----or race.....and the majority of the world? Well they like spots with spots. There are a few people who have risen above that, and are color blind - but if you ever meet someone that tells you they have no prejudice they're either a liar or Jesus. Because ALL people like what they are FAMILIAR with and until you get to know what you are NOT familiar with? It's uncomfortable - to you.

As far as my family? I was raised by two white parents who grew up resepcting all people....but in a generation that raised them to be the kind of thinkers that remains spots with spots. HOWEVER -----they were never ugly about their thoughts nor did they have malice towards others - just a different time and place. Did they believe in equality and rights? ABSOLUTELY. Did they think things were unjust at times? OF COURSE. Did they do anything about it? Not to my knowledge, but they didn't lend to the problem either, and they didn't raise their children to be bitter, and prejudiced....they raised us to be better than they were raised - free thinkers...helpful and loving. Open minded. Because they knew how they were raised was narrow minded.

And I have two brothers - both told me they are not African American. They are Black. lol. My Brother Michael said "Ive never been to Africa, but I know enough to know that if I go there? I'm not African.....I'm American...and whoever started that was going for something that further divides us as a people. I liked that about him - Terrence told me he HAS been to Africa and while it was a nice place to visit? It wasn't the "Mother Land" - The Mother Land was where ever his Mothers House was......lol. I gotta hand it to both of them - they're very awesome men, and I care for both of them immensely. God couldn't have picked better brothers for me.

As far as sisters? Yup I got one......and she's as Aspie..and not so nice. Haven't talked to her in years. I have met better, nicer people here. Of ALL races, creeds, religions.....and while I don't agree with everything everyone here has to say, or believes.....I respect it and them. In doing so I hope to have expanded my understanding - and like Jumper......well I think it's a time in her life where she's just getting to know everyone she can. That's not such a bad thing. At this point in her life ........she's investigating caucasian lifestyles......and maybe next week it will be Mexican.....and after that? Afghanistans......who knows. Point is ......she's well rounded...and learning......and lovely ------and that makes her beautiful in any skin.

If she's going to have prejudices? I hope it's against bad attitudes. Its something that everyone could change if they had a mind to. That's basically what mine has ended up to be......because there are good and bad, in every race I have ever met......and I've met a lot......melanin has nothing to do with intelligence. And everyones heart beats about the same.
 

trinityroyal

Well-Known Member
What I'm really afraid of, due to prejudices, that she will find herself alone. I know that is not what she wants. Of course, being the overprotective mother I am, I worry that the caucasian boys she will mostly come into contact with will not want to know her beyond friendship (she has LOTS of friends). Going to LaCrosse WI for college isn't going to send her into any sort of mixed environment. I mean, what if the boys she likes just don't want to date partly black girls?

MWM, again, I wouldn't worry about this.

Every boyfriend I've ever had was white. My ex-husband is white. My husband is white. And it's Never. Been. An. Issue. Not for them, not for their families. Especially after they met me, and found out that I was just like them except with a slightly better tan. As I and others have said, it's really the cultural differences that can get in the way, not the colour differences. A lot of people assume that the colour and the culture are the same, but that's not the case at all.

Boys who like Jumper will like her because she's pretty, and level-headed, and fun to be with, and likes the same things they like. She'll be fine.
 

Calamity Jane

Well-Known Member
MWM,
Jumper sounds like a level headed, bright young lady who knows her own mind and what she wants out of life. I surmise that what Jumper is rejecting is the "gangsta" lifestyle, rather than the color. I don't think she's prejudiced. I also don't think she's going to have trouble attracting or dating any nice guys because of her color. If so-called nice guys did hesitate to date her because of ethnicity, then they aren't nice enough for Miss Jumper. She's obviously very socialized, so I really wouldn't worry, Mom.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Oh, I think it's more liberal in Canada that way :) Out here, the black boys are very popular. Not so much the girls. Just like, for whatever reason, the Asian girls are very popular (like my Korean daughter was) and the asian boys struggle a bit more to get dates...
 

trinityroyal

Well-Known Member
Oh, I think it's more liberal in Canada that way :)

Well...I think that all depends on where in Canada...

I grew up in one of the most conservative neighbourhoods in my city. We were the only black family on my street, I was one of two black children in my primary school and one of 8 in my high school. I currently live in a neighbourhood that's even more conservative than the one I grew up in (who knew that was even possible!). I am the only black person, not just on my street, but in the entire neighbourhood. My children are all quite fair skinned and don't look black, so I'm not including them in my tally, otherwise there would be 4 of us.

Interestingly, the most difficulty I've ever had with interracial relationships was from my father, who didn't particularly like the fact that I went out with white boys, and from black boys and men who were very angry at me for "straying from my race".

It's possible that the black girls are under similar pressure from their families and friends not to date "outside". And Korean boys might be under similar pressure to maintain family bloodlines. I don't know really, but I still don't think it's anything you have to worry about.
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
Trinity -

As one Canadian to another... we really don't know how good we have it sometimes. Canada has it's own racism issues, definitely, and they can be serious. But... we don't have the same history as the US, and attitudes are often incubated in history. It really IS totally different here. In a lot of ways, Canada is more "culture" aware, and the US is more "race" aware. Like most Canadians - we have lots of US friends, across various racial and cultural backgrounds. And the issues they talk about are very different than our friends here in Canada of the same racial and cultural backgrounds.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Well, in some places it is almost irrelevant. If we lived in a big city, it wouldn't matter, but we don't. And JUmper loves it here. She has no intention of moving. I guess I'll try to stop worrying about it until she does...lol. The younger generation is far less worried about race and sexual orientation than we are...thanks to all your posts, I'm going to give this one a rest.
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
Oh Canadian racism exists..........uh huh.........Ever been to a HOCKEY game????? Yeah.....(nods head slowly) I'll tell you. About RACISM. lol........(grumbles something about Maple leafs .........LOVINGLY.......LOVE ING LEE) lol. ahem.

The other day-------I took a call from a woman who was OBVIOUSLY upset about the fact that an officer - a female officer had given her a speeding ticket recently. SO when she saw the officer speeding (and never mind that the officer could have been running code to a situation) she called in to speak to her superior officer......

The conversation went something like this

I want to report this speeding cop ------female.

Okay maam - where was she?
She was on XX road.
Okay - what time was this?
XX oclock - and she was a black woman.
(Um didn't ask wwhat she looked like but okay )
And maam what color was her car) as THIS IS SOP.....color year make .....body....addtl...last seen headed......

What does the color of her car have to do with (screamin at me) ANYTHING?????? (exhales)

Well Maam its SOP and since you ddin't get the tag or unit number it would tell me who she was.

Well I don't know.

Well was it black or white?

ARE YOU PULLING MY LET?

No mam county is black, city is white. (long pause(

I don't know.

Okay maam......I'll put a call in to both.

Well I'm getting ready to join the academy as my major and if this is what I can expect when I get to school - the kind of calibre of person I will be workig with I may consider changing my major.

(thinking to myself - I bet that Major changes YOUR calibre - but okay)

So I put the call over to my supervisor - who happens to KNOW the officer,,,,,,and when I put that I asked the Color of the car - she fell out of her chair.....laughing.

I said WHY? It's SOP. (TRUE it is)

SO ........when it got around the room? It was very much appreciated by people because they all ASSUMED the caller was.........white.

She was not.

She was a Bravo Foxtrot.

But they didn't know that either.

The whole thing was a very good lesson for everyone. Mostly me. Because I'm never surprised that prejudices still exist even with people that tell you daily - they aren't prejudiced. I still maintain......I am....but mostly against mean people.....lol. And once again - most people are afraid of things that make them uncomfortable......until they get to know them.....and then they're not.

Trinny - I love your take on the color and culture are the same.........I'm probably going to borrow that at some point in my life. Tis very true......And a better way of saying - being afraid of the unknown.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
Star...someone called in a speeding cop? I have so wanted to do that...lmao.

I do think that as the generations age that the races are mixing more and more. I am sure in my parents generation it was probably very rare for the races to mix but they were born in the 20's. I had just a few black kids in my high school and I became friends with a boy there and my parents didnt want me to go out with him just as friends and I didnt understand why. It really made no sense to me and eventually they changed their minds and we went out and became good friends...nothing more. Of course I am now in a biracial relationship with Tony who is Lumbee Indian.

Around here, even in the rural south, it is very common to see kids dating outside their race. I am sure if we left my county people would think Cory was with a black girl. You have seen the pics of McKenzie. She sure isnt white! You know her mama has to be dark skinned...lol.
 

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
MWM, Yikes!

Good point, Insane. I just hope that our kids who are "sheltered" are open to new, healthy relationships.

And I wish our kids all knew this (heck, I wish *I* knew it at that age): Whether and how much you date in HS and College is NOT an indicator of where you end up!

 
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