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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 656352" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Unless I am given irrefutable proof, I no longer believe in the professionals.</p><p></p><p>They absolutely hurt more than helped us, when we brought our daughter there.</p><p></p><p>There are good ones, and there are bad ones, and I think it has nothing to do with training. There can be very unbalanced people in the helping professions.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are getting better already, Copa.</p><p></p><p>We have been where you are.</p><p></p><p>That is how I know this.</p><p></p><p>You are stating what is real as you know it to be. There will be clarification.</p><p></p><p>There will be other questions.</p><p></p><p>Somewhere between the two, you will begin to cherish yourself and your son, again. Wherever he is, whatever he's done or is doing, you will make it through this. What I see now is the courage and strength both my kids have had to have in fighting the ugliness that is.</p><p></p><p>Wow, Copa.</p><p></p><p>They are heroes.</p><p></p><p>Like me, and like you too, Copa.</p><p></p><p>It just doesn't feel like it when you are the guy fighting to make sense of something unforeseen, and so ugly.</p><p></p><p>And both addiction and illness are indescribably ugly.</p><p></p><p>It was not supposed to be this way.</p><p></p><p>It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>The job is to love ourselves and our children and all our people through it.</p><p></p><p>Somehow.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And you will be reborn.</p><p></p><p>At least, I hope that is what is happening to me.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>There are so many different ways to love. Loving and believing, loving and knowing better than to believe, loving and losing.</p><p></p><p>It is what it is, Copa. We are here. You hear this from us so much Copa, but we have been where you are. Here on the site, we are all in different degrees of healing. But we do have one another, Copa.</p><p></p><p>We do.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are here with us. I am so sorry for the pain of it, Copa.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p>I know what you mean, about having been proficient in all the other areas of a life and then, waking up in this one. </p><p></p><p>Here is a question for all of us: How do those moms who do not believe they can do this, somehow ~ how in the world do they survive the losses?</p><p></p><p>...</p><p></p><p>Okay. Well, they must just decide to love their person.</p><p></p><p>Period.</p><p></p><p>Just like Child of Mine posted, earlier.</p><p></p><p>Presence.</p><p></p><p>I can't do that yet without feeling so sorry for myself, so sorry for the loss of everything.</p><p></p><p>Such deep regret!</p><p></p><p>I still suffer for the losses my kids ~ for how hard the struggle has been for them. But I don't mess around in there, now. I tell them they are strong, and that is what I do.</p><p></p><p>It's an ugly story.</p><p></p><p>It is our story. I am so fortunate to have them, and to have had them in my life.</p><p></p><p>I would take the pain for them, if I could.</p><p></p><p>Recovering Enabler told me once that their lessons are for them, are their growing places, and that I was not correct in trying to change that for them.</p><p></p><p>That was helpful to me. To see it that way, I mean.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 656352, member: 17461"] Unless I am given irrefutable proof, I no longer believe in the professionals. They absolutely hurt more than helped us, when we brought our daughter there. There are good ones, and there are bad ones, and I think it has nothing to do with training. There can be very unbalanced people in the helping professions. You are getting better already, Copa. We have been where you are. That is how I know this. You are stating what is real as you know it to be. There will be clarification. There will be other questions. Somewhere between the two, you will begin to cherish yourself and your son, again. Wherever he is, whatever he's done or is doing, you will make it through this. What I see now is the courage and strength both my kids have had to have in fighting the ugliness that is. Wow, Copa. They are heroes. Like me, and like you too, Copa. It just doesn't feel like it when you are the guy fighting to make sense of something unforeseen, and so ugly. And both addiction and illness are indescribably ugly. It was not supposed to be this way. It is what it is. The job is to love ourselves and our children and all our people through it. Somehow. And you will be reborn. At least, I hope that is what is happening to me. There are so many different ways to love. Loving and believing, loving and knowing better than to believe, loving and losing. It is what it is, Copa. We are here. You hear this from us so much Copa, but we have been where you are. Here on the site, we are all in different degrees of healing. But we do have one another, Copa. We do. I am glad you are here with us. I am so sorry for the pain of it, Copa. *** I know what you mean, about having been proficient in all the other areas of a life and then, waking up in this one. Here is a question for all of us: How do those moms who do not believe they can do this, somehow ~ how in the world do they survive the losses? ... Okay. Well, they must just decide to love their person. Period. Just like Child of Mine posted, earlier. Presence. I can't do that yet without feeling so sorry for myself, so sorry for the loss of everything. Such deep regret! I still suffer for the losses my kids ~ for how hard the struggle has been for them. But I don't mess around in there, now. I tell them they are strong, and that is what I do. It's an ugly story. It is our story. I am so fortunate to have them, and to have had them in my life. I would take the pain for them, if I could. Recovering Enabler told me once that their lessons are for them, are their growing places, and that I was not correct in trying to change that for them. That was helpful to me. To see it that way, I mean. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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