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What is Enabling
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 656376" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Your son is choosing to be sad, mean and defiant. There are a lot of people who have issues that get help and learn how to be happy. I had to do it so I know first hand. He is choosing to do nothing and get no help and use drugs. There is nothing YOU can do to make him happy. He needs help and it takes hard work.</p><p></p><p>Even if you funded him 100%, didn't make him work, let him live at home, let him do drugs under your nose...he would be unhappy because his unhappiness is deep within him where you can't reach. We are the only people who have the capacity to reach deep inside our guts and work out what is making us unhappy and to explore what will make us happier.</p><p></p><p>You being miserable for life, crying, staying in bed will only assure that YOU are unhappy too. It won't make your son one bit happier.</p><p></p><p>If you love kids, why not consider short term foster care? Why not engage with other kids? That might be your ticket. Or get involved in dog rescue, where you can also help distressed creatures and you already have one rescue...you KNOW dogs appreciate you. Obsessing over your son will help neither of you. Why should your life be ruined because he is not turning out like you wanted him to? There is more to life, even YOUR life, than your son. Why not enjoy it? You can decide to do that.</p><p></p><p>Have you ever been to GOOD therapy? I have. Not every therapist is a moron. If one is, fire her and find somebody you connect with.Check around. See several to see who you like. And, good heavens, see a woman!!!!</p><p></p><p>Don't let this ruin your life. Your son won't be better for it and you will have given up all...to accomplish nothing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 656376, member: 1550"] Your son is choosing to be sad, mean and defiant. There are a lot of people who have issues that get help and learn how to be happy. I had to do it so I know first hand. He is choosing to do nothing and get no help and use drugs. There is nothing YOU can do to make him happy. He needs help and it takes hard work. Even if you funded him 100%, didn't make him work, let him live at home, let him do drugs under your nose...he would be unhappy because his unhappiness is deep within him where you can't reach. We are the only people who have the capacity to reach deep inside our guts and work out what is making us unhappy and to explore what will make us happier. You being miserable for life, crying, staying in bed will only assure that YOU are unhappy too. It won't make your son one bit happier. If you love kids, why not consider short term foster care? Why not engage with other kids? That might be your ticket. Or get involved in dog rescue, where you can also help distressed creatures and you already have one rescue...you KNOW dogs appreciate you. Obsessing over your son will help neither of you. Why should your life be ruined because he is not turning out like you wanted him to? There is more to life, even YOUR life, than your son. Why not enjoy it? You can decide to do that. Have you ever been to GOOD therapy? I have. Not every therapist is a moron. If one is, fire her and find somebody you connect with.Check around. See several to see who you like. And, good heavens, see a woman!!!! Don't let this ruin your life. Your son won't be better for it and you will have given up all...to accomplish nothing. [/QUOTE]
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