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The Watercooler
What is forgiveness? What does it really mean?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 640876" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks to all of you for answering my question. I am still not sure why we have to actually forgive. I understand trying to understand, like Suzir did, but I thought and thought and asked questions and really never had any answers from anybody. I guess that makes it hard to actually, say, forgive, which still does not condemn me to hate, revenge, bitterness or other negative things. I mean, my son-who-left-family who has a wife who insists she "forgave" me. I am not sure what she forgave. Nor has it made her any nicer or softer in her approach. So I found it a strange turn of phrase.</p><p></p><p>I have my own belief system, which is deeply ingrained in me, and you are not supposed to wrong anyone without apologizing. You will forgive in the afterlife and understand more then. Right now, I choose to forget and I'm good at it. I did say I had borderline traits and I've done all I can to get rid of them. One trait I still hold is the ability to wipe somebody out of my life and that's it. The person is no longer in my mind most of the time. I kept this trait on purpose as it has served me well while dealing with my DNA collection. I would rather focus on the good things and people in my life than think about those who hurt me. I let go of the hurt. I give myself permission to purge the person from my consciousness unless we unfortunately possibly do meet again. Then I use my "less is more" skills to deal with them, mostly being quiet and calm, which, at one time, I couldn't do.</p><p></p><p>But forgiving somebody who thinks their abuse was ok? I would rather just purge it from my mind and move on to the good things in life. People have forgiven me and I am generous about forgiving others. But they have to WANT the forgiveness and offer an explanation, then it's over. None of my DNA collection ever said they had a part in the abuse or the bad relationship. I have and, of course, they accepted it as I am the Black Sheep. But they don't seem to think they have done anything at all. Under those conditions, it is easier and more productive in my life to just forget them and move ahead.</p><p></p><p>I love reading how you guys deal with these people. It does help me. It will give me nights of mulling (grin) which I do love to do. Keep it coming, if you like.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 640876, member: 1550"] Thanks to all of you for answering my question. I am still not sure why we have to actually forgive. I understand trying to understand, like Suzir did, but I thought and thought and asked questions and really never had any answers from anybody. I guess that makes it hard to actually, say, forgive, which still does not condemn me to hate, revenge, bitterness or other negative things. I mean, my son-who-left-family who has a wife who insists she "forgave" me. I am not sure what she forgave. Nor has it made her any nicer or softer in her approach. So I found it a strange turn of phrase. I have my own belief system, which is deeply ingrained in me, and you are not supposed to wrong anyone without apologizing. You will forgive in the afterlife and understand more then. Right now, I choose to forget and I'm good at it. I did say I had borderline traits and I've done all I can to get rid of them. One trait I still hold is the ability to wipe somebody out of my life and that's it. The person is no longer in my mind most of the time. I kept this trait on purpose as it has served me well while dealing with my DNA collection. I would rather focus on the good things and people in my life than think about those who hurt me. I let go of the hurt. I give myself permission to purge the person from my consciousness unless we unfortunately possibly do meet again. Then I use my "less is more" skills to deal with them, mostly being quiet and calm, which, at one time, I couldn't do. But forgiving somebody who thinks their abuse was ok? I would rather just purge it from my mind and move on to the good things in life. People have forgiven me and I am generous about forgiving others. But they have to WANT the forgiveness and offer an explanation, then it's over. None of my DNA collection ever said they had a part in the abuse or the bad relationship. I have and, of course, they accepted it as I am the Black Sheep. But they don't seem to think they have done anything at all. Under those conditions, it is easier and more productive in my life to just forget them and move ahead. I love reading how you guys deal with these people. It does help me. It will give me nights of mulling (grin) which I do love to do. Keep it coming, if you like. [/QUOTE]
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What is forgiveness? What does it really mean?
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